Welcome to The Clinik. Please form an orderly queue and the Doctor will see you in due succession.

Dottore Acephalos Fotticapra, PMS, FUBAR is in.

Here at The Clinik one may find healing, treatment, and succour for all the maladies and ailments known to mind and body, man and beast. There is no complaint of nature physical or hypochondriac the doctor will not do his best to heal.

• Have you a bladder ache?
• Does your diety hurt?
• Are you seeking advice of a psychotropic nature?
• Is your husband a b***h?
• Do you need a prescription, no questions asked?

Fear not, and cease thy sniveling cries of anguish, for The Good Doctor will happily dispense remedies, counsel, and sawed-off shotguns to those in need. In an emergency, dial "quack, quack" and the doctor will be with you toot sweet.