h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's the only messenger I use. I can't find ICQ, and nobody I know is on it. AOL sucks in all it's formed, including AIM. Yahoo messenger has no power. So that leaves me with MSN, which I find adaquate.

*Walks back in, looking annoyed*

EVA, why is my MSN client not working?

[EVA] Microsoft reports that thier servers are experiencing a minor technical error which might prevent some users in the United Kingdom from authenticating.

[Axe] Hey Venom, I've got a MSN clone (called Everybuddy) that works on Linux, but it looks like Micros**t's experiencing technical problems (again).

Microsoft isn't noted for reliability, they practically admit it with Ctrl-Alt-Delete. But cool. And it's only in the UK, you can't expect them to waste time on such a small insignificant island, they have a whole continent of users over here.

Give me Linux crash protection any day:

Ctrl+Alt+F2, then login, then top, k, UID, enter.

Brilliant

At least it always works.

[EVA] Incoming transmission from the Tripwire.

[Axe] Punch up the main screen.

[Engineer] Sir, we've completed work on the Tripwire and are ready for a ship-wide test. Unfortunatly...

[EVA] Audio comsat lost. Searching...

[Engineer] ...sub-ether storm is disrupting communications. Astrometrics think that it...

[EVA] Audio comsat lost. Searching...

[Engineer] ...15th April. If you could come over to your office now?

[EVA] Comsat disengaged.

[Axe] Venom, you said you wanted to join me on the test course? This is your chance. Meet me on the bridge on the 15th.

*prepares the long-range teleport*

Finally.

*speaks via Subether network to the tripwire*

Prepare teleport systems, and load up the photons!

*a little lamp comes on, giving Axe his photons*

I hadn't thought of that .

*turns on more lamps, hoping to power his photon drive*
*cuts out the cheezy joke* It's not working. Oh well.

*puts on his sunglasses*

*hears a rumor about a nova in the area, so he opens up Axe's viewing wall (sysop override rules) with his Palm* Oooh *watches fireworks*

*reads a book*

*walks in from the Hanger*

For Zarquon's sake, it's only a 'nova.

*closes down the holo-imager*

Anyway, I've got work to do.

*opens up one of the maint. hatches (--> the computer core)*

I'll be back in a minute .

EVA, a maintainence pod please. Software sector nine.

[E] Confirmed.

Sorry, forgot this...

*climbs into the maintpod and speeds off down a maintainence tube*

A few hours later...

*Axe climbs back out of the maintainence hatch*

That should just about do it. EVA, !recycle (that, BTW, is a litestep bang command which is pronounced "bang recycle").

[E] Recycling... Done...

[Litestep] Computer personality updated for Axe Storm. Litestep online.

OK. Litestep, !about.

[LS] Litestep v23.542B. Created by Ax...

[Axe] Right, that's enough.

I know that. Eva, please confine the program Axe just installed to the BarRestPers subsystem.
[EVA] Done
[CV] Thanks.

Computer, restore former settings on all other subsystems.
[EVA] Restored, thank you.

*wonders what "former" is*

before Litestep, which I have deemed subversive.

LS, have you been trying to hack the security system again?

[LS] Erm... No, I don't think so.

[EVA] Log file alteration detected. Override engaged.

I'll take that as a yes.

God, I love GNU software .