h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*gives Axe a new computer, thanking his lucky stars wherever they are that they didn't get the main computer* Sorry about that. *an alarm goes off* [computer]Attention! Please remain where you are. This is not a drill. The station is now sealed. *The penguin is shot by the laser cannons*

Hey, AXE! I've gone neutral in the Cat-Dog wars. Just FYI ya know.

*stands outside door, using a toothpick and leaning on the post. She's wearing a white shirt and black trousers*

*appears through the floor*

hmmm...

looks like someone's been trying to kill Tux again

*arms the anti-clone defenses*

hey venom, just got back from my round-the-net trip, which included visits to several major gaming sites, half of ftp.kde.com and six IRC servers in my attempt to find "The Tao of Programming". Having been enlightened, I've decided to come back and, err..., bar manage again

Thankx much

Hmm... If you've become neutral, I might as well (being as I don't bother with the ACF anyway )

*opens up preferences and changes his name*

Oh, and I'm sure that you should return that dial-a-gun to it's rightful owner (Red Dog), unless you already have while I was away...

Thanks for reminding me. *opens up a package tube, drops in the locked dial-a-gun, and sticks it into the packing tube for the mail shuttle* So, how ya been? The cat-dog threads have deteriorated a bit, getting kinda boring.

hmm... bit like the film "Cats and Dogs" then
I'll tell Red Dog you sent back the gun.

Quick question: Who's Tux?

The cartoon penguin who's the linux mascot. Richard Stallman a Linux campaigner.

*sets up a hologram of windows (of the typical design found in Microsoft's OS) flying around Axe's head*

Nooooooooo...

*me shoots down the evil window hologram*

*relaxes on a beanbag and takes out a freash copy of the h2g2 post*

I'm suprised they can still get these newspapers, we're 500,000,000 AUs away from the h2g2 headquarters, according to my odometer.

Yeah, well it's not that easy. The paper you're reading was put out by our master press, which recieves the Post via sub-ether network. The ink gets a bit expensive, but we make it up. I really wished they delivered, but even with hyperspace, we'd be waiting a week for a paper.

And, because of the Space-Time Laws, it'd be seven centuries out of date

Space-Time laws don't apply in hyperspace. How else do you think we co-ordinate battles?

Hmm... good point

Computer, call my physics teacher and tell him he's an idiot

[computer] Your call has been placed in the "Inults to Teachers" call queue, and is number 31415926542 on the list

[Axe] Thanks

* Sits down at his computer terminal and clicks the middle mouse-button a few times, then throws the mouse into the campfire. *

I won't be needing that for a while.

* The computer drops down into text mode *
* Axe_123 drops down into Deep Hack mode

[Computer] This is a public announcement. It is highly recommended that all non-barmanagers vacate the barmanager's suite, 'cause he just went into Deep Hack mode, and you'll be very bored for the next 48rs if you don't.

The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy says the following about Deep Hack mode: "Deep hack mode is one of those states that a programmer often goes into when he's frustrated about something, or feels that his peer group are starting to forget that he has dedicated his life to being a geek. Symptoms include the computer terminals dropping into text mode, the lack of mice around the computer and the geek's fixated staring at the VDU.

There are no known cures or remedies, and the condition often subsides in 48-72 hours.

See entries: Sbitster, caffine addiction, linux, consoles, text mode, geek, BASH, shells, dhm and hacking"

Axe_123 says the following about Deep Hack mode: "...".

Come to your own conclusions .

Venom, who is not only the hotel's owner but also network administrator, has this to say about Deep Hack Mode: "Time to yank a few cords.", and the hotel's computer has this to say: "The primary computer in Venom's office has been unexpectedly disconnected from the network, along with the primary backup. Switching to realtime subspace planetary link. There should be no service interruptions. Have a nice day."