At the moment I am writing a story for the post called 'The End of Space'. However, to add a bit of variety I have decided to add a guest story section to 'Stories From Spook'. So that your stories are not seen before hand could you please send your stories to [email protected] and I will choose one story a week to go in The Post. If you cannot e-mail me then I will still accept stories put in as conversations. Thank you.

In one small room, in one small house, in one small country, on one small planet, in one small solar system, in one small galaxy, in one small universe, on one extremely large fabric of space, someone very, very meaningless to the rest of space, told a joke. A blonde joke to be exact. This is it:

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?


A: Not everyone has been in a 747.

Between the sound of laughter, the small voice of an unbelievably blonde small girl echoed throughout the room.

'HOW RUDE!' was the sarcastic comment that came from the small mouth, of an unbelievably blonde small girl, in a small room, in a small house, in a small country, on a small planet, in a small solar system, in a small galaxy, in a small universe, on an extremely large fabric of space. This comment on the joke, that was said by someone who is absolutely meaningless to the rest of space, was not meaningless, and had a significant effect on a spaceship far, far away from the almost totally meaningless planet, of EARTH.

The spaceship Bravado, registration WAAABOB was very far away from this planet. WAAABOB stood for ‘We Are All Absolutely Brilliant On Boats’. Once the spaceship Bravado was stolen, the amazing Captain Jim Jiggle changed the registration to WLOACJJ, which stood for ‘We Love Our Amazing Captain Jim Jiggle’, so that nobody would recognise their spaceship as the stolen spaceship Bravado. However, as a practical joke Gordan, who should NOT have a sense of humour, changed the registration back to WAAABOB. This time however, it stood for ‘We Are All A Bunch Of B******s’. This of course immediately gave their spaceship away as the stolen spaceship Bravado. Was this a secret attack from Gordan against the rest of the crew, or was this really just a practical joke?

‘PIZZA!’ The sound of this made Captain Jim Jiggle immediately jump under his desk, take off his trousers, take off his white pants, which now had an unmistakable brown mark over them, put his trousers back on, put his white pants on a stick, and hold them up screaming ‘I surrender, I surrender!’ What Captain Jim Jiggle didn’t realise was that the sound came from the intercom so there was no point for him to have held his white and brown pants up screaming at absolutely nobody except Gordan. Gordan had been there all along. He had watched what Jim Jiggle had done, and had made a note that Jim Jiggle had got extremely small private parts. This didn’t matter however, as Jim Jiggle would never use them anyway.

‘PIZZA!’ The message was repeated and, as before, Jim Jiggle immediately jumped under his desk, took off his white trousers, which were now brown trousers, put them on a stick and started screaming at Gordan again. This time, Gordan made a note that Jim Jiggle’s private parts had got smaller. He immediately made the deduction that Jim Jiggle did this thing a lot, and that his private parts got smaller each time he did it. He was of course, wrong. The real reason was that Jim Jiggle’s private parts had always been small, they were just smaller this time because Science Officer John Smith had just walked in and was looking at them at this very moment. The reason for this is unknown

Science Officer John Smith answered the intercom. ’Hello Power In Zup Zup Army, how are you today?’ A woman appeared on the screen. A hot, beautiful, tall, large breasted blonde was right in front of Jim Jiggle’s eyes. The woman was naked, and was not on the screen but on the ship. She was a stowaway. John Smith quickly grabbed a blanket and tried to cover her with it, but she wouldn't let him. She acted primative and kept repeating the word 'Pure!' As John Smith fought with the naked blonde, Jim Jiggle was more interested with the woman on the screen.

The woman who was on the screen was not naked. She was fat and extremely ugly. However, like the John Smith, she also looked at Jim Jiggle’s private parts. In fact, the first thing she said once she had appeared on the screen was ‘Hey small d**k, is this ship stolen?’

Captain Jim Jiggle was in shock after this comment, and replied with the answer, ’No!’

‘Oh,’ replied the ugly woman and stopped the sound attack on the spaceship Bravado in mid-BOOM! As mentioned earlier each weapon on the starfighters contains a radio that gives out the BOOM sound to opposing ships. What wasn’t mentioned was that the weapons didn’t contain any ammo, and since the spaceship Bravado’s radio was broken they felt and heard absolutely nothing.

It was at the point that the effects of ‘HOW RUDE!’ took place on the spaceship Bravado. At the exact same time that the 5000 starfighters stopped BOOMING a large sound and vision bubble covered the spaceship Bravado and 4999 starfighters. One of the starfighters, the one with the women that Jim Jiggle loved in it, was destroyed. Jim Jiggle didn’t care however, as he didn’t care who died as long as it wasn’t him, so he put on the shields that stop a sound and vision bubble destroying you. Then, the whole crew was knocked out.

When the crew woke up, they found themselves in totally different places. The reason for this is unknown.

John Smith and the naked blonde's location is unknown.

Jim Jiggle found himself in his own bed doing nothing. After about half an hour of this he got bored and had a shower. Gordan watched.

Chapter 3 next week

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