h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hey Ormy,

Why aren't you writing for a major newspaper or magazine ?

Excellent stuff! It's been only recently that I have started to realize that dutch politics are actually *not* the weirdest example of a "Democracy in action"...

At the risk of losing your attention here is a long post...

I really should tell you about "De Tegenpartij" (The Counterparty) at some length. It's a good laugh but it also made some of the failings of the dutch very painfully clear.

Because I think it's not out of place here, and because I am convinced that you would have loved it all, here is the background in a nutshell :

The Counterparty(let's save the moderators some time here ) was an initiative in the early eighties of the two most famous comedians here in Holland, Kees Van Kooten en Wim De Bie. It must be said though that they were not just comedians. It's just that I can never find the word for "Politically aware, satirical and often cynical observations of real life and especially politics"...

You try! LOL. I think Not the Nine o' Clock news, mixed with Monthy Python and Alas Smith and Jones would come somewhat close...but still no cigar. These two guys were as far as I have seen to date absolutely unique. In appearance they looked somewhat like Adrian Edmondson and Rick Mayall(tall and short, etc.).

Anyway, these two guys had a weekly program in which they would do skits (often) with recurring persona and so comment on the current affairs in Holland. Two of these persona, Jakobse en van Es, were lower-class, ill-educated guys from The Hague(thick accent et al.). They were, as they said themselves, Free Guys(Vrije Jongens). They did not pay taxes and were able to justify it so well that the audience would have fits of laughter. Of course their arguments were false, but who cared ? They *did* put their finger on the more absurd ways of the dutch. They acted as a mirror for the nation as it were and they were d*mn good at it.

So one day Van Kooten and De Bie start using these two characters from the Counterparty very frequently and they turned out to be *extremely* popular. Now the first skits were basically a load of nonsense about them trying to rip off old ladies by calling on their homes and asking if "The Garden had already been made Winter-ready with Neutron-pellets"... Of course the woman would have never heard of that so the guys would immediately offer to do it for her...and for a nice price they would end up throwing brown sugar all over the garden...

However! This all changed very subtly as the short guy(Van Kooten) started to get more political and extremely right-wing. And I mean ExTrEmElY right-wing! So after a while they started their Counterparty(in their program of course, not in real life). And there they were every week ranting on about foreigners like you wouldn't believe. I have a video of the collected skits/work of the Counterparty and you just wouldn't believe some of the stuff they got away with! If I would put up just one or two translated line here I would risk being banned! That kind of stuff.

Let me say once more : This was *satire*! They just wanted to shake Holland up and make them aware of the fact that the new(and only) racist party(NF-like) was no good at all and used the wrong arguments, and that even the conservative party(VVD) was taking over some of these racist points of view.

Unfortunately there were elections planned and it turned out that, had the Counterparty actually run for office, they would have won a whopping 24 seats at least(out of 150) in the dutch House of Commons. This is enough to be a major political force here in Holland. In those days, the three biggest parties held about 90 seats in parliament and the rest of all those parties here were condemned to the backseats with less than 10 seats per party. So 24 seats would have been a landslide in dutch politics!

Anyway :the *real* right-wingers ate it all up! They loved it. They thought it would be a d*amn good idea to vote for the Counterparty. They were being absolutely stupid! But the scary thing was that there were so many of them in the country...

This unwanted popularity forced Van Kooten and De Bie to stage a two hour show in which they faked news-flashes(think War of the Worlds on the radio in the 1930-ies) in which it became clear that the Counterparty had tried to take over the government. In that show the two leaders of the Counterparty(Jakobse and Van Es) start with taking the members of the House of Commons hostage. In the end you see that they failed and that they were killed by the police/military in an attempt to free the members of the House of Commons. It was all done pretty perfect. "Live-coverage" and everything.

So they actually *had* to kill their tv-characters off because they were getting too powerful politically speaking. Even the regular politicians were seriously commenting on statements made by the Counterparty!

It was absolutely bl**dy brilliant!
It was also absolutely bl**dy frightening.

My big frustration re:Van Kooten and De Bie and the other "really useful" satirical comedians in Holland is that it is impossible to translate their work. If so I would send you a copy of the tape.

Hence my long post about these two guys. Oh yeah : they also invented the Rip-Off calendar, later licensed to the "Not the Nine o' Clock News"-team. Van Kooten went to the party in England when the calendar was released. In his words : "To see Pamela Stephenson, Rowan Atkinson, Pamela Stephenson, Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson and Pamela Stephenson...

So he does value the finer things in life...

Greetz from a funny country,

TM.

Hi TM! I'm sure Shazz would tell you that I AM working for a major newspaper, i.e. The Post! The truth is that I probably could get more widely published if I really pushed myself. It's just that I was so miserable in the last full-time job I had in journalism that I'm very wary of getting involved again. I know it's something I really ought to do, and I need the money pretty badly, but I find the whole business of approaching potential employers and saying 'I'm brilliant! You need me!' extremely uncomfortable. I am therefore working on an online CV in the hope that someone will come to me and spare me the embarrassment of having to make the approaches!

That's a great story about the Counterparty. You should turn it into a Guide Entry - after all, you've almost written enough for one already! It's really depressing the way fascists seem to be everywhere, even in countries with a reputation for being easy-going, like the Netherlands and Australia. Who'd have thought that the Aussies would be making world headlines by being mean to asylum seekers? Whatever happened to 'no worries'?

Satire can always backfire. Your story made me think of Alf Garnett, another example of a parody being taken at face value. In case you don't know the name, 'Alf' was the central character in an old British TV comedy show from the Sixties and Seventies called 'Till Death Us Do Part'. He was a horrible, ignorant, bigoted old man who often ranted away about black people (except that he didn't call them 'black people' ). The trouble was that people would stop the actor who played him in the street and tell him how much they agreed with what he was saying, much to his horror! I'm sure Shazz could tell you all about the character - he did have a huge impact, although not entirely in the way that was intended!

Anyway, thanks for encouraging my writing. I really am going to see if I can get through a whole column this week without talking about the UK Conservative Party!

And I'm sorry about your national football team! Have they banned in Het Kasteel?

Noooo! Ormondroyd, you simply must continue to write about the Conservative Party's antics, sweetness...Please don't deprive me of my weekly chuckle.

I really enjoy reading all your writings Ormondroyd and as much I would like to see you land a cushy little number and become a famous reporter, I wouldn't like to see you leave The Post!

*Decides not to mention soccer at all*

Does anyone know what the weather is forecast for today?

Hi Ormy,

Well as more and more people say in Holland about the national team : "Typical"...

They lose from the Irish who had ONE chance in the whole game and they miss about 20 beautiful chances themselves. Typical. Makes you wonder what they get paid for...

Oh well, it's been about 15 years ago that we didn't qualify so I guess we do better than most countries.

As for the Kasteel-beer : Don't worry ! They have actually expanded the line now with Murphy's and something hideous called Amstel Bright ... Fortunately they also introduced Smirnoff Ice, which is quite drinkable.

And as for the job : Indeed! Writing for the Post is a serious job. (oh hi Shazz...).


BTW I was thinking about writing something about Koot en Bie but I sorta gathered that as it was only aired in Holland there wouldn't be much demand for it. Maybe I will after all...

CYa,

TM.