The Problem with Wedding Gift Lists
Created | Updated Jun 7, 2007
OK, everyone knows that when you get married people want to (if you’re lucky) give you presents, and it’s become the logical thing nowadays to lodge a wedding list with a department store in order to make life easy for your generous guests.
Now the trouble starts.
First of all, do you include the wedding list in with the invitation? Well, probably not as it’s a bit vulgar. But how do you let people know there is a list without resorting to blatant references to it? If no-one knows about the list you run a very real risk of living in vase-and-towel-overdose-hell for the first few years of your marriage.
Difficult. Your prospective mother-in-law, being the one who receives the replies to the invitations, is in a position to mention to those people who make enquiries about wedding presents, that there is in fact a list, only we didn’t want to include it as it’s, as I said, vulgar, and presumptuous.
Then the second problem of wedding lists presents itself. The conversation goes something like this:
"Do you know what the bride and groom would like for a wedding present?’
"Yes, they have a list at John Lewis, Harrods, Fortnum and Mason etc.."
"I see. We might not get a present from the list as we would like to get them something more personal."
"I see what you mean. However consider this; they have personally chosen the items on the list, they live in a small house, and they actually took a lot of time in choosing these personal items."
"Right."
"So you see, in fact getting something from the list is the most personal gesture of all, isn’t it?"
"Er, yes I suppose."
Despite this sage advice the eejit then goes and spends forty quid on a vase that will sit in a box in the under-stairs storage cupboard for five years before being given to a jumble sale, whereas they could have invested the money wisely on the Denby dinner service, the cool Le Creuset pans or any other thing on the flaming list!
People do it because of this:
They think they are being ever-so-clever buying off-list, but just like skiing off-piste, it’s dangerous and gives you a bad name amongst sensible people.
Arguments however need balance and it is of course fair to say that a traditional wedding list does not always sit well with everyone. There are important points the bride and groom (and mothers-in-law) must consider:
1. Have the couple already one, or even two houses, full of domestic consumer durables?
2. Is the location of the wedding list convenient to all guests?
3. Is it affordable?
4. Can it be accessed on the Internet?
5. Considering the personalities of the guests, might some find a list too restrictive?
Considering the above points should make life easier. In unusual circumstances, such as the couple being wealthy, perhaps suggestions to donate to a charity would be more appropriate, particularly if there is an 'absent friend' or family member, who can be remembered this way.
In any case, remember that an appropriate and considered desicion is likely to be the best one - and congratulations, by the way. :-)
Now the trouble starts.
First of all, do you include the wedding list in with the invitation? Well, probably not as it’s a bit vulgar. But how do you let people know there is a list without resorting to blatant references to it? If no-one knows about the list you run a very real risk of living in vase-and-towel-overdose-hell for the first few years of your marriage.
Difficult. Your prospective mother-in-law, being the one who receives the replies to the invitations, is in a position to mention to those people who make enquiries about wedding presents, that there is in fact a list, only we didn’t want to include it as it’s, as I said, vulgar, and presumptuous.
Then the second problem of wedding lists presents itself. The conversation goes something like this:
"Do you know what the bride and groom would like for a wedding present?’
"Yes, they have a list at John Lewis, Harrods, Fortnum and Mason etc.."
"I see. We might not get a present from the list as we would like to get them something more personal."
"I see what you mean. However consider this; they have personally chosen the items on the list, they live in a small house, and they actually took a lot of time in choosing these personal items."
"Right."
"So you see, in fact getting something from the list is the most personal gesture of all, isn’t it?"
"Er, yes I suppose."
Despite this sage advice the eejit then goes and spends forty quid on a vase that will sit in a box in the under-stairs storage cupboard for five years before being given to a jumble sale, whereas they could have invested the money wisely on the Denby dinner service, the cool Le Creuset pans or any other thing on the flaming list!
People do it because of this:
They think they are being ever-so-clever buying off-list, but just like skiing off-piste, it’s dangerous and gives you a bad name amongst sensible people.
Arguments however need balance and it is of course fair to say that a traditional wedding list does not always sit well with everyone. There are important points the bride and groom (and mothers-in-law) must consider:
1. Have the couple already one, or even two houses, full of domestic consumer durables?
2. Is the location of the wedding list convenient to all guests?
3. Is it affordable?
4. Can it be accessed on the Internet?
5. Considering the personalities of the guests, might some find a list too restrictive?
Considering the above points should make life easier. In unusual circumstances, such as the couple being wealthy, perhaps suggestions to donate to a charity would be more appropriate, particularly if there is an 'absent friend' or family member, who can be remembered this way.
In any case, remember that an appropriate and considered desicion is likely to be the best one - and congratulations, by the way. :-)
