h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Offa's Dyke - A63096159
Author: Pheroneous II - U186787

I don't want to explain too much or give anything away. (Offa's Dyke is a ditch and earthwork rampart, built as a defence structure between England and Wales.)

Oh, and dyke has another slang meaning.

I've read this, and I think I need to come back to it before I say anything much. It certainly holds interest, which is all I'm prepared to say right now - other than that the ending seems a bit OTT.

Oh, and that I'm surprised the word 'dyke' isn't on the profanity filter list. Is it not considered an insult in the UK? It is considered offensive here in the US. (And the filter won't let me talk about cats from Maine.)

OK. I haven't meant to offend. I take dyke as fairly mainstream. It was only as I ended the tale (too abruptly??) that I realised the 'pun' if that's what it is. I am happy to amend. The story is meant to be about P's inadequacies rather than anything else, so I wouldn't want to distract from that.

The only word I have ever had censored is the 'F' word, which, as here, is fairly simply expurgated. You'll have to explain about cats from Maine!!

I enjoyed this story until Mr P and Sandra got to London. But I found the end hard to believe.

It seems a bit misogynist too.

Lesbians over here don't like that word, is all I know about it...I think you've got a point about the abruptness of the ending. There's some real space there, maybe more dialogue?

There's a breed of large and beautiful cat in Maine. We can't say its name because the filter is silly.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maine_Coon

MVG Second sight? This story has languished just outside Leominster for three or four weeks, waiting for inspiration to strike. All I knew is that I wanted to kill off Mr P. So, the London bit was written at a different time and place, in a different mood. The join is obvious, though I can't see it, but it looks, from your and DG's reaction that I will have to reconsider the ending over the next few days. And, DG, I will de-lesbianise it. I didn't like it when I wrote it and I like it less now. I just needed Mr P to have sufficient reason to do himself in, and that, on reflection, really isn't enough.

As to misogyny, I plead guilty on behalf of Mr P. Actually several of the Mr P tales have seemed that way inclined. I don't know why. In one he actually says "I don't like women". Here, Sandra is a nasty character for sure, and Mrs P may not be much better. Is that such a bad thing. Can't women be horrible?? Or, at least, can't we explore the possibility?

DG It is very curious, and must be a UK thing. There is no way I, or anyone I know, would use, or even think, your c word. And many would freely use every other word you could think of. It is an absolute no-no, and has been for some 30-40 years. But I agree, censorship in any form is silly in our little community.

Yes, of course you can have unpleasant female characters! As long as not all your women are like Sandra.

I can quite imagine that Mr P and Sandra might encounter Mrs P, who would leap to all the wrong conclusions. What wife is going to believe that story about sharing a bed without touching?

Why do you want to kill off Mr P anyway?

I think that Mr P is (just about) wise enough not to go into detail and Sandra is clever enough to hold it back to blackmail P with at a later date. So, Mrs P would be none the wiser and happier for that. We are never told what tales Sandra tells to back up her assertions of P's goodness, but it is a fair bet that they are not true.

I re-joined h2g2 to learn and practice writing, particularly fiction writing. I found it easier to write, at first, in first person, hence Mr P. But, I find that I am writing with no plan or outline, or, indeed, any idea of what happens next. I just write and see what the characters want to do. Now, I feel that I should be moving on and trying to be a bit more structured, and planned, and I thought a change to third person would be in order. So, it's goodbye and thanks to him. Future stories, will, I hope, be a little different.

Anyway, I will take a few days digesting your reaction to this one, and see if I want to make changes in a few days time.

Thanks for your comments.

Wow. Killing off Mr P?

Well, maybe. Very sad though.

There's no indication of the age of Sandra - not that it's necessary.

Random ramblings from a fan of the series (I don't think I've commented before, but I may have)

Mags

I'm with MVP. I think Mr P as a misogynist is interesting - as long as we get a little distance on him. (Imply that Mrs P and Sandra might see things differently?) I like MVP's point that the women going, 'A likely story...' would be a true-to-life option.

To my mind, de-lesbianising the story would be a cool move. It would put the emphasis back on hapless Mr P. He's an interesting old curmudgeon.

About the 'c-word'. Elektra is insistent that I point out that not only would I never use that word, but that the consensus over here is that American society is in agreement with you - that word is beyond-the-pale offensive. (In fact, people here think it's a *British* thing, though I don't know why, probably some movie.)

If it helps, I used to work at a job that included internet modding - I had to warn people if their language was too bad. I always had to ask, because I don't swear in company and I'm not sure what's allowed. That word would get people modded right away - although there were a lot of things I thought sounded hair-raising that just made the young folk laugh.

Sorry for the .

It's a very interesting story. To me, it is believable until they all have lunch together And the wife having invited Sandra in the hope to find out more, and confronting her husband).
No woman in her right mind would invite a stranger, obviously younger woman to live with her, though. Not under those circumstances, anyway. It seems a little far-fetched, imo.

Thanks, all, for your help. I am digesting your comments and will amend in the fullness of time.

>> No woman in her right mind would invite a stranger, obviously younger woman to live with her, though.

Unless, of course, there was an attraction there.

TRiG.

Well, that was the original plot TRiG.

But there could be another reason...

New revised version posted.

This is now much better motivated. Nice rewrite.

My desire at this point would be to have a buddy show up and talk to Mr P, get his side of the story (the foregoing), and talk him out of mixing pills and Scotch...

I tried to read it, but all those broken symbols put me off. Could you please change curly quotation marks to straight ones? The curly type don't work on all browsers.

If you must use curly quotes, there are HTML entities you can use: <./>GuideML-Characters</.>.

TRiG.

This makes much more sense if Mrs P sees Sandra as the daughter she never had.

I'm still sorry about the bottle of Laphroag and the paracetamol.

A good solicitor would be a better bet.

Thanks everyone, I am about done here.

T - I couldn't and can't see any curly brackets. Maybe its all the conversions from one format to another, and one browser to another. Anyway, just for you I have put it all into guideML so I hope that solves your problem.

DG & MVP. I have left the ending open. Feel free to rescue him if you want. I am going to leave him be.