h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: MOST INTERNATIONAL VICES ARE USSUALLY THE PRODUCT OF THE WEST - A61473567
Author: dende1 - U14283718

AMERICA AND THE ENTIRE WESTHERN WORLD ARE THE ARCHITECT OF THEIR PREDICAMENT. CORRUPTION,BRIBBREY, TERORRISM AND ALL OTHER INTERTIONAL ATROCITY ARE HANDIWORK OF THESE SELF ACLAIM SUPPER POWER SO ........

Wow. You have a lot of important information here. And something very important to say.

I have a few suggestions about the way you say it - my aim here is to help you reach an audience with your important comments.

1. Please explain to us more exactly who these superheroes are. Unfortunately, I do not know them. You can help my ignorance - provide more explanation, please, and a link to an illustration, and tie it in to the story of this unfortunate young man.

2. Explain exactly why the media are at fault here. I know it is hard, but explain this as unemotionally as possible. If the reader feels attacked, he will stop listening.

3. Your point about terrorists vs freedom fighters is well taken. So is your point about the invasion of Iraq and WMDs, or the lack thereof. But they are not relevant to this discussion. Please leave them for another essay. That way, the reader will get the point you are trying to make here.

4. Set your biographical material off in a separate section. Make us see the person involved here.

In conclusion: Thank you for telling us that there is another story, one we have not seen before. I feel priviledged to be addressed in this way. I hope my comments will help you to construct a piece which brings your important points across to a wider audience.

And thank you for reminding us that there are still writers out there who are thinking beyond the 1-minute news and its sound-bite philosophy.

I agree with Dmitri that you have raised some important points in your article but that, if you want it to reach a wider audience, you need to change a few things.

To start with, I suggest you change the title. If you want to win people over, this is not the way to start.

I would omit the first paragraph, because it is not relevant here.

I agree with Dmitri that you should tone down your condemnation of the media. Since 9/11, Western countries have been jittery about terrorism but that doesn't mean that the Western media are 'executioners.' Here in Britain the media have rightly condemned the Metropolitan Police for the shooting of a Brazilian man who was mistaken for a terrorist.

The important point you make is that Farouk should be assumed to be innocent until he is proved guilty. I should concentrate on this argument.