h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Time has come oh Father Christ! - A61013116
Author: vivekanandJha - U14269162

Time has come oh Father Christ!



Ideals and morals are on the verge of rust
The people have changed their priority first
Now they know only the religion of lust
Time has come oh Father Christ!
You take the corrective measure must
Lest man would loose in you trust.


People only know the theory of make or mar
Instead of man now bomb travels in car
Though wound heals up but remains scar
Instead of church they prefer to go bar
Even shoes give in to the heat of the tar
We are not able to travel any far
Oh Father! You can only save our soul and star.


We are in the world of absolute
Subjected to stink and pollute
Lung is choked with deposition of soot
We aren’t able to blow our flute
Amidst scaring and cautionary roaring of the hoot
Oh Father! Time has come to make this alarm mute
By vibrating the string of your divinely lute

I like this. It is a beautiful rage against the machine. And it's vivid.

I would recommend a couple of changes:

'You can only save our soul...' to 'You only can save the soul...'

'the string of your divinely lute' to 'the string of your divine lute...'

I agree with your sentiments, by the way.

There is certainly a case for a rant against a corrupt and unequal society and this has some strong images in it.

I particularly like the image of lungs so choked with soot that man can't play his flute.

However, I would avoid distorting the language in the effort to find a rhyme.

In the line 'Lest man would loose in you trust', the normal order of the words is inverted, a practice which is discouraged in modern poetry. (It should be 'lose' rather than 'loose' in any case.)

Instead of 'pollute', you need 'pollution'.

In the sentence 'We are in the world of absolute', I want to ask 'absolute what?'