h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: A Rose for a Rose - A52406741
Author: Pheroneous II - U186787

I really want you to read this, preferably aloud to someone you know well, before I tell you about it. So, if you haven't read it yet, please go back and read it now!




This is an adaptation of an old folk tale, or urban myth as they are called these days. Feel free to pass it on, changing names and locations to personalise.

Oh, this is sad, very sad.

Most of the story is told in a naturalistic and convincing manner. But I'm not sure that the supernatural feel of the end quite fits.

Do social workers really stay with families? In the accounts one reads in the press, they seem to be notable for their absence when needed.

The "supernatural" ending would be in his head rather than a ghost, I think. I'll have another look.

Social Workers? I don't know. I assume there are many good ones out there and that they would go the extra mile if they had to. But I don't know. Planet P is populated by good people you see, I know nothing of jobsworths.

I finally got around to reading this - and was glad I did.

This is a really interesting genre experiment. You played with everyone's expectations of a nuanced story about psychological healing - I was becoming rather concerned by the emphasis on material well-being and picture-perfect lives...

...until you shifted genres to the folk-tale. Cool idea.

Here's what I think would make it really work: Rosemary is six when she comes to live with her uncle.

Insert a reference to a folk-tale that the uncle reads her, one they both like and quote to one another.

Then when the audience has been fooled, they will recognise the thread you're picking up again, and be delighted.

The one you're using at the end reminds me of a Jack tale from the Appalachians.

Thanks for taking the time, D.

You may be crediting me with more planning than actually goes on. Sometimes I do think and dwell on a piece, and go back and go back, but this one just went straight through the pen to the page (Or keyboard to screen) I'll think about what you suggest, you may well return one day to find it altered, but my concern here was to get the child behaving badly so that she could both be calmed by uncle and, at the end, turn vicious again.

I don't know where the tale comes from. I have heard the core (pricked by the thorn - dies - "where is..." - "it's here" - Revenge) twice on two different occasions, so I am guessing it's an urban myth/folk tale, origins, for the moment, unknown. The build-up is to bring context, so you alter the circumstances to suit your audience, make it credible for them, so that they are properly whacked at the end. That's what I tried to achieve here.

I didn't see her as vicious in the end. I must have missed something.
It's a great story, albeit a very sad one.

Savage voice. Arm/rope around the neck.

Oh yes, I got that, but she did him a favour, didn't she?

Gosh! I never thought of it like that. I'm going to dwell on that. Hmm.. You've got me thinking now.

Thanks. Oh, and thanks also for reading and commenting, should have said that before.

Thanks for writing and sharing.

I've loved the stories by you I've read so far, but I'm still getting used to trying to comment. I'm not as good as the AWW stalwarts at commenting here, so I usually enjoy in silence.

I don't see Rosemary as vicious .

She may have been badly behaved when the social workers tried to find care for her but that is easily explained, because she is still confused and angry at the loss of her family.

If Rosemary is luring her uncle to his death perhaps she should be shown as offering him some happiness in another life?

Wow, that ending packs a punch. I loved that.

Rosemary struck me as very, very, very angry.

Tragic story,

My crit of it would be that the set up is too telling rather than showing for it's length. It comes close to overwhelming the effect of the ending, which in contrast is so sparsely and effectively told.

Might be worth looking at altering the timeline of it - giving us the characters up front, making us curious about them and filling in the background in flashbacks - or something like that.

Thanks LL.

Well, you've just read the newly extended version, which tells us a little more about Rosemary and maybe allows the possibility that she/her ghost/ her arm strangles P. That seemed to be a problem with previous commentators.

I guess the long lead up is there to render the whole thing believable, a cementing of time and place, a bit of banality, a bit one paced and a bit flat - the better to whack you with the ending.

I am - because of the comments here - still pondering this piece. Half of me wants to cut it back, half to elaborate. I liked especially the previous comment that she might be luring him to death - to join her. Thanks for your thoughts.