h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

......can you treat it, or should I just make a good fist of it?

Thankyouverymuch

I was just failing to hide the fact that I took part in a genetic experiment with an expected timeline of 9 months...

shazz

... with only *days* left to pass

Shall I start boiling the water and sterilising the towels then?

Forceps anyone?

shazz

Need a hand?

ROFL!
Yes please... I always get them the wrong way round: boil the towels and sterilise the water!

shazz

Better that than toiling the bowels, I suppose.

Anyway expect problems it looks like it's going to be a reach delivery.

Oh no!!!!

Will you try to turn it or shall I?

shazz

I think it's too big a radius to turn, but ulna for sure once I see the Xray. Maybe we can try and dig a carpal tunnel after we get the fluffscan results. Blue for a boy, pink for a girl.

Oh alright, go on then, it's your turn. I'll get the enema kit.

If this fails we're going to have to pierce his bellybutton at 7 o'clock. That'll have you in stitches, Bossel.

Hey! You're supposed to *not* scare me in that difficult situation. I need to hear positive comments in a professional voice!

-

* starts breathing heavily *

Here hold onto this arm and squeeze as hard as possible if it starts shouting "Push"

Don't Panic! Don't Panic!!!

Everything is progressing well Mr Bossel Sir! Just tell us where YOU think this wonder of the modern age is expected to pop out from and we will try to assist!

I must say I am very surprised to hear the 'wonder' actually shouting 'Push'... are you quite sure this isn't a clone?

shazz

err... I don't know *what* nor *where* -- that's what the experiment is all about

Are you saying you could be about to give birth to a new Jeremy Beadle or Bonnie Langford?

This is serious, didn't you have genetic screening? Or did you see the results and say, "I don't care if she is going to be a Bonnie Langford, she's mine"?

Sorry, I don't know who Jeremy Beadle or Bonnie Langford are. I guess it's some comparison with an alien Dr. Frankenstein and Cindy Crawford or so?

Don't be sorry, that should be the last emotion you feel for not knowing them.

Moderation bars me giving a proper description of them. Suffice to say, that if you give birth to something resembling either, we won't know which bit to throw away.

Oh what kind of foul genetic experiment have we got here?

Nurse, the gas please. Make mine's Zyklon B.