Monster Raving Badger Party

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Dear fellow HooTooians,

Welcome and thank you for taking the time to read this.

I would like to take this opportunity to talk to you about the upcoming H2G2 presidential elections, and as to why I believe you should vote for the Monster Raving Badger Party (MRBP), who's HQ is found at:

Our candidate
is an upstanding member of the H2G2 website and has been involved in many aspects of the site. For example in organizing the London meets of recent years.

But, we feel it would be inappropriate for us to resort to the normal low beat political tactic of putting down members of the opposition and resorting to the cheap use of the vast quantities of slander and scandal available on the opposition’s candidates. Instead we at the MRBP would like to focus your attention on

  • socks

  • shoes

  • and stockings

We are sure by presenting you with the information in this way that you, as an intelligent reader and user of the H2G2 website, will be able to make up your own mind, and see the illogic behind the reasoning as to why 2legs is the only candidate worth voting for.

Consider, if you will, socks. There are, of course many different kinds of socks, for example,

  • sports socks

  • hiking socks

  • kevlar socks

  • silk socks

  • woollen socks

  • cotton socks

And many others besides...

So, imagine a sock, say for example a cotton plain sock, right. Now, imagine, if you will that this sock represents a political party. So, by this logic, say, a woollen long hiking sock might represent a different political party, and thereby a white sports sock represent yet another political party.

Good. Now, imagine if you will our first sock, the plain non patterned cotton sock. Now, as we will all be aware, this can come in many varied colours, say, for example, a blue one, a red one, and a green one. So, if this cotton sock, say for example represents a political party, the n the varied range of colours can represent the differing political views within that one party.

So, we’ve established the sock factor, and how it is in essence the route of all politics. But, the issue is further complicated by the matter of shoes and ultimately stockings. As, a whole range of shoes exist, and these also can impinge on the politics of the various candidates in this election.

So, consider if you will, when examining the other candidates, how it is the MRBP, and only the MRBP, that truly understands how politics works in Sock terms. In this brief introduction, we will not as yet mention stockings, but save that for a future date, where we can establish the link between stockings and political biases, and how these are vital in deciding which party is likely to make the kinds of choices you, the electorate want made.

But perhaps this isn’t what you expected to hear? Perhaps this isn’t the insight into our party you wanted? Perhaps you are worried about

  • hedgerows

  • hedges

  • and hegemony’s?

So lettuce address these points

Lettuce look at some of the other candidates. Clive the Flying Ostrich, for example, is standing on a single issue front, that of renaming the days of the week in the name of the pseudo religious movement called the ‘Thingites’. Now, and I’m sure you will do this anyhow, examine carefully their policies, they do not mention socks, and do not mention shoes, only the days of the week. Therefore, according to the hedgerow index, they score highly on the Hegemony front, with a hegemony index of 10.1.

Reddyfreddy, another candidate, for example, though he might talk strong on ‘smashing hegemony’s’, does not, at any point in his manifesto mention socks or shoes, and yet again, there is no mention of stockings or suspenders. Therefore, if we examine the hedgerow index, we find another high hegemony index, of 9.98.

Well, of the other candidates, we shall but mention four others. Hypatia, another candidate, also seems on the outside at least to support hedgerow smashing, but lettuce look at the hedgerow index. Yet again, transposing the hedgerow index, gives us a hegemony index that is high, at 10.2.

Gnomon, a further candidate, also on initial inspection seems to have various degrees of non hedgerow smashing policy. However, here we have to turn to the running mate of this esteemed candidate, Master B. Now, this gives us a fairly considerable hedgerow smashing index, and again, converting this to hegemony index, gives a factor of 9.98.

Fords and running partner E Vibenstein, appear to do little to hide their hedgerow smashing tactics. Therefore, determining the hedgerow index and transposing this gives a hegemony index of 10.02.

Serephina, the at one time running partner for the MRBP, has a splinter movement party. Yet again, on initial inspection there is scant mention of socks, no mention of shoes, and absolutely not a sausage when it comes to stockings. So, here we examine the hedgerow smashing potential, and again correlate this to find the hegemony index, and find yet another high index rating, of 9.79.

Now, lettuce see what the MRBP has to say as regards socks, shoes and stockings, and find their hedgerow smashing index/hegemony index.

Well, here in, and only here do we find a low hegemony index, coming in at approximately 0.42. Furthermore, we find many and varied and committed sock stocking and shoe related issues, not to mention the badgertastical and hooverable I intentions of the manifesto pledges, many of which have been blatantly stolen by other candidates.

So, and in conclusion, we feel it is your choice as a well informed individual to decide on whom to vote for in the election. But, we would like to leave you with one final thought. Of all the candidates, of all the parties, whom is least likely to irrevocably damage the subsistence nature of sock development in the outlaying regions of HooToo? Well, by now the answer is obvious, the Monster Raving Badger party; we are not hungry to win, we are just hungry.

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