Pretend You Know Pokemon
Created | Updated Oct 19, 2012
If you don't know a thing about the freakish Japanese thing that has invaded our children's minds and playgrounds, here's how to make them all think you know all about the yellow rat and pals.
Firstly, you must make up plenty of names which sound like Russian dinosaurs : Bulbasaur, Charizard, Kangashkan and most importantly Pikachu. Pikachu is a small yellow rabbit that has been run over repeatedly by a lorry. Or so itseems. It also has scary eyes and weird red cheeks that crackle.
Secondly, carry large wads of cardboard which cost loads. These are called pokemon cards. Talk about Pokemon power, Hp and attacks a lot whilst playing with these. You play them by swopping them with other people and squeaking when you want your card back.
Thirdly, speak a lot about Ash, Misty, Brock and Team Rocket. Ash is a spiky-haired nutter who wears gloves and beats up small animals. Misty is a girl wih a ponytail fixed to the side of her head. Brock has a permanent squint. Team Rocket are actually quite cool, but they never win anything, becaus ethey're the bad guys, and good wins over evil, and all that crap...
Of course, you could just forget about Pokemon completely, but it won't earn you much cred with the kids. As if you needed it, eh...
Firstly, you must make up plenty of names which sound like Russian dinosaurs : Bulbasaur, Charizard, Kangashkan and most importantly Pikachu. Pikachu is a small yellow rabbit that has been run over repeatedly by a lorry. Or so itseems. It also has scary eyes and weird red cheeks that crackle.
Secondly, carry large wads of cardboard which cost loads. These are called pokemon cards. Talk about Pokemon power, Hp and attacks a lot whilst playing with these. You play them by swopping them with other people and squeaking when you want your card back.
Thirdly, speak a lot about Ash, Misty, Brock and Team Rocket. Ash is a spiky-haired nutter who wears gloves and beats up small animals. Misty is a girl wih a ponytail fixed to the side of her head. Brock has a permanent squint. Team Rocket are actually quite cool, but they never win anything, becaus ethey're the bad guys, and good wins over evil, and all that crap...
Of course, you could just forget about Pokemon completely, but it won't earn you much cred with the kids. As if you needed it, eh...
