h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"For The English Teacher"

1)The bandage was wound around the wound.

2)The farm was used to produce produce.

3)The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4)We must polish the polish furniture.

5)He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6)The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7)Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8)A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9)When shot at the dove, dove into the bushes.

10)I did not object to the object.

11)The insurance was valid for the invalid.

12)There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13)They were too close to the door to close it.

14)The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15)A streamstress and a sewer fell into a sewer line.

16)To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17)The wind was too strong to wind the sail down.

18)Upon seeing the tear in the painting he shed a tear.

19)I had to object the object to a series of tests.

20)How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

"Lets face it-English is a crazy language". There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in a pineapple. English muffins wern't invented in England or french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which arn't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are not square & a guniea pig is niether from Guinea nor a pig. & why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce & hammers don't ham? If the plural for tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural for booth, beeth? one goose 2 geese, so one moose 2 meese? one index, 2 indices? Doesen't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have bunch of odds & ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegatables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at play & play at recitial? Ship by truck & send corgo by ship? Have noses that run & feet that smell? How can a slim chance & a fat chance be the same, while a wise man & a wise guy are opposits? You have to marval at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out & in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers & it reflects the creativity of all human race, which of course, is not a race at all, That is why, when the stars are out they're visable, but when the lights are on they're invisable.

Why dosen't "Buick" ryme with "Quick"

Why didn't you return my calls after last night?

I feel so used.

Mistake down the bottom grrr!

*Visible* and *Invisible*





I'm not perfect

Bye bye

Time 16:51 28TH October 2009

Very good

I feel as though LifesTooShort's presence amongst us validates us as people

You also spelt "doesn't" wrong in the final line.

And the subject should be: "You people off 606 take the pee *as* much as you like! But heres something for you all to have a read at!!"

Let's hug it out LifesTooShort!!

I feel we have misunderstood each other somehow. Come talk to us.

To be honest I'm not too bothered by the spelling mistakes, such as rhyme being spelt ryme. It doesn't stop us getting the gist of your post.

It's the fact that I have no idea what you're talking about that means I struggle to get the gist.

LifesTooShort, I can't tell if you like us or not. Can you enlighten me, please.

Do I like you? Hmm thats a tough one!! See you've done it again has *as* I told you I'm useless at spelling, there is only one there I don't know where I use the other their, English language is stupid if you ask me...I know I'll type in txt talk much easier, then I'll end up been moderated, *doesn't* does-not. I'll spell colour as the Americans do aka *color* and what is that please >gist< I bet most of you loathe me don't you I have that effect on people, people on this h2g2 loathe me, I noticed Jimsmackhead aka jimcrackers was on "well" he duna like me much either. No skin off my nose as one says. Anyway I typed most of that by one hand=four fingers and a thumb, so I made a couple mistakes, see I can't cut copy and paste I had to write it all down by hand from my email come on here holding the piece of paper in one hand type with the other, I have a infered keyboard and my 32inch TV screen I'm not on a computer llf. I've not been on here for afew days because my partner was here over the weekend inc Monday.... I noticed most of you watch Question Time grrr BNP what a t*sser! Right think its time I logged out, I don't know how on earth any of you stop on here all day/night! Sorry I don't know any of your names but I'm Dale everyone well nearly all know my name on h2g2. Right I gotta go, thanks to who ever it was put a smiley thumb up erm can't remember username was it Chris??...
Must go 17:46 28th Oct 2009

Hello Dale.

I didn't give you the I gave you a

Which is much more friendlier in my opinion.

Hamburger is named after the german city of Hamburg, not because it had ham in it. And egg-plant (or aubergine if you aren't american) is named so because it is shaped like an egg.

Peace

It was I that gave LifesTooShort the thumbs up But he has chosen to Chris instead of me, and who can blame him for that? I also Chris.