h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It has been well known to some of us that mornings are a divisive force on human kind . Our reactions to this particularly nasty part of the 24 hour cycle divides us into Owls and Fowls.
Beware!!! Owls and Fowls cohabit at their own risk! But take heart! Mornings in their perverse way will work to unite even an Owl and a Fowl - most Owls wake up feeling foul !

Mornings are sacred to all gardeners; the early, crack-o-dawn, first light hours of morning. This is the time when a gardener, mug in hand, takes stock of his or her domain. This is the time, before the list of chores unfurls, when a gardener inspects the troops and prepares to face the onslaught of another day.

...or goes to hide in the shed with a newspaper and a thermos...

The hiding in the shed comes later in the day, as an escape from the littering tide of philistines trampling through his beds.

There is the other kind of gardener who once armed with long and pointed implements from his shed will take a more proactive approach and agressively defend his beds...

Not the kind employed by a municipal government, unfortunately.

Ah! Well I guess you can't use large petrol driven machinery with lots of rotating sharp bits on people without them getting a little bit annoyed. They tend to complain about things like that.

If someone could engineer a stealthy mower, no one would complain (snicker).

A stealth lawnmower? Now there's an idea! Although a steath strimmer might be more realistic... and a lot easier to carry when you're trying to make a quick get away. Hang on, am I really putting thought into this! I *must* have something better I could be doing!

That's always a dangerous question to ask oneself, Doug.

Don't worry John, I took five minutes out to take a stoke take of my life. Turns out I finished with four minutes, 37 seconds left. There is nothing better I could be doing. Now, whether that's a good thing or a bad things is something I'm going to have to think about... In the mean time I'll just have to continue as normal, or as close to normal as I can get. Hey, am I rambling? And wasn't this meant to be about mornings? Well, I'll ask a question to keep things on topic...

Why do they always say "you'll feel better in the morning?"

I suspect it's because whoever is suggesting that resents being imposed on and wishes to use the time until morning to escape.

Or I guess it's an order... you *WILL* feel better in the morning...

I'd just like to know how "better" feels about all this. I wake up feeling grumpy - but grumpy never minds

I'm lucky if I feel anything in the morning! Well, at least until after my fourth coffee...