h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A572997

I thought I would write a proper entry out instead of talking about it in my journal entries. I feel it goes with some entries that have already been edited or recommended recently.
Hopefully this might encourage people to come to this sort of club more often.

Nice entry Mina!

Only suggestion is a visual one, split the different 'zones' into subheaders rather than a bulleted list and paragraphs.

Hello,

Interesting entry, although I must admit I'm not the target clientele. My only real quibble is that I feel you should mention more about locations. While the place doesn't have a regular venue, do most events take place in London? Also, does it often use the same clubs for most of its events? And do special events have any themes? What are the most notable ones?

Yours,
Jake

I'd put it in a footnote that they were mostly in London, should I put it in the main body of the entry so is easier to see?

*mutters* give me a few hours to finish composing a reply at least...

All kinds of stuff follows.

In general, I'd go for slightly longer paras - they feel a bit short atm. But that's a style issue, I suspect.

Isn't it called "Torture Garden" rather than "The Torture Garden"? There are a few places where you capitalise or link from TTG rather than TG...

Is it SM or S&M? Is there a difference? Does anyone care? Is one clearer that the other? And is Elvis *really* dead?

In "dress code", I reckon it'd be better to make a quick bulleted list, and briefly describe what each option is. For example, myself I don't know at all what "burlesque" is, and I'm not convinced I know what "cyber" is - the word always conjures up images of 80s sci-fi flicks, but I suspect things may have moved on since then. I'm tempted to suggest linking each one to a pic from TG - but I'm aware that this might be the best way to get a one-way ticket to the pending look.....

In "Venues" It'd be nice to have more info about the sort of thing that might be found in each area. You imply that there are always five areas at every venue used - is this true, or is it just the normal setup? You might want to rename this section "Venues and Layout" or somesuch. I'll second Frankie's suggestion on splitting the zones. If s look to imposing, try s instead. Is the music DnB & Hard House throughout, or does it vary? If so, how? Myself, I'd work footnote three into the main text.

Is it worth mentioning TG Cybersex, which apparently is subtly different from plain{for some meaning of the word} TG?

I'd suggest splitting it into two main bits: the first bit talking factually about TG, zones, dress code, whatever; the second bit giving advice to the first-time TG-goer, who to go with (if anyone), what to wear (what's easy/cheap/good camoflage?). As it is, I feel there's an occasional jarring where you switch from 3rd person to 2nd person.

The section on Etiquette makes me uneasy, but I can't put my finger on why. I'll get back to you, maybe.

The third footnote made me - such exotic locations as Moscow! Japan! and best of all - Sheffield!

It'd be nice to have some d talicised stuff from personal experiences that people have had with the events. You might want to leave such things to the forums though.

All good suggestions.

You might want to develop a section on 'how to bluff it', as most people who read the entry wont be familiar with it, and might be persuaded to try it out.. And if so, they'd need some advice on how to fit in, and, as stated above, to camoflage in with the crowd.

> "It'd be nice to have more info about the sort of thing that might be found in each area"

Ignore this - it was written before I saw the latest revision of the entry - you've amply fixed it already

Very informative!

Do you think I could get in dressed as Zaphod Beeblebrox or Arthur Dent?

...should we arrange a h2g2 meet there?


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Z.

Thank you everyone who looked at this for me, I've made some changes and hope it's better now, although the page looks a bit messier to me now.
Mr. Cognito, I've added more about the locations, so events should be easier to find. I can't say anything more about the themes, as I've only been to 3 so far, and only 2 had a theme. I've could add a bit about a recent theme night being very well attended, but I missed that one as I was in Paris, so I would only be re-writing what was on their newsletter.
I'm not sure I want a section on' how to bluff it' though Frankie, as if you have to bluff, why bother going? Just my HO.
Lucinda, thanks for all your comments, TG Cybersex has now been merged with Club Flesh, so I didn't think it needed a seperate mention. You were right, it is TG, not The TG, I've got so used to calling it that in my mind that I got carried away. I've changed it now. I've also tried to define the dress code, but it is all mostly my opinion, not necesarily TG's. Will that be ok? I know what you mean about linking to the photos, but maybe I can get some blobs made.
Excuse me for not knowing what you mean, but I thought I had the hang of this 3rd person thing, what's 2nd person? If I know I'm doing it, I can change it, but I'm a bit lost atm. Maybe I should have gone to the writing workshop first.
Zarniroop, you might get in as Arthur, he was very submissive I always thought. I'd love an h2g2 meet there, but I think the most I can hope for would be an unoffcial mini meet.

Hmm - I think I see what you mean about messier. Would it be worth changing the "zones" bit into a list? Or would it be better to put it back to how it was in that respect?

Isn't it "Borg", not "BORG"? I think your descriptions of the dress code are very good - one wouldn't want to overspecify and curtail people's creativity. I'd rework the second footnote into the text, but that's me.

2nd/3rd person: I'm thinking of, for example: "It is often a good idea to take your outfit in a bag and change when you get to the venue, depending on what you are wearing." - the thing is, for most of the entry you are talking in a factual, third person tone - but every now and again you address the reader directly. Talking to the reader is second person - it's perfectly OK, but my English teacher always said tha you shouldn't mix 2nd and 3rd person. I dunno - if nobody else agrees with me, leave it as is - it just seems to jar a teensy bit.

On a side note, an unofficial mini meet does sound like fun.

I had the zones as a list to start with, with all the descriptions underneath, and it was suggested that I do it as headers, so I changed it. I'm not sure what would look best now.
I understand now about 2nd/3rd person, my problem is that I read too many glossy women's magazines where the articles are like having a chat with a friend. I'll go and change the ones I can spot.

Trying not to drift, if you think it would it would be fun to have an h2g2TG meet I'd be delighted to organize it!

I mean, having a list with the descriptions in each list. EG:


The Pizza Room: This is where everyone eats lots of pizza.
The Bouncy Castle: Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Vomit!


It's another option, anyway...

I'll try that as well. I'm having trouble rewriting the etiquette section, so I'm still fiddling around with it anyway. I think I'll go and have some apple crumble first though. Just for brain food. Or something.

Just a little suggestion,
Lucinda is right about the GuideML for the list, but for the sake of easiness on the eye, I would duggest the following lay out:


The Pizza Room - This is where everyone eats lots of pizza.
The Bouncy Castle: Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Vomit!

Thank you both. It looks slightly less messy now.

'tis indeed better...

If it's "Matrix" and "Matrices", does that make it "Dominatrix" and "Dominatrices"?

Deary me, nag nag nag. I faithfully promise, next time I go near my toy box, I will dig out all my books and find out how other authors spell it. I'm touched you're prepared to check my entry so thoroughly.

'twas just kidding - I'm always amused by unusual plurals - which is why "fora" still makes me chuckle

Yeah, I know - simple pleasures for simple minds...