h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A570241
My first attempt at writing something useful, and I was curious how bad it was. Feel free to comentate (;
Grim13
Master of Reverse Emoticons

I can't say anything about the rifle itself, only about your writing style. And there's not much to say about, it's okay apart from 1st person style ('I', 'we' etc) in Guide entries being frowned upon (with feeeew exceptions when it comes down to experiences of cancer and the like).

So to quench your curiosity: Rephrase these sentences, and off you go!

Example: "While I could go into more technical details forever, I don't see the point. If you're interested in them, I've included a link at the bottom."
--> 'This entry won't focus on technical details, you may find them by following the link ...etc'

Dividing the entry by a few subheaders (preferrably in GuideML )would also be perfectly in order. You've got structure in the writing, so it's easy to let it show!

about accuracy, the long onw is more accurate. it is because the distance between the sights (KAVANOT [to moderator - this is sights in hebrew]) is larger.

about accuracy, the long onw is more accurate. it is because the distance between the sights (KAVANOT [to moderator - this is sights in hebrew]) is larger.

Thanks for the input- I've fixed most of the first person references (and added a warning for the one instance I did use them, since there was no way to edit it out).
I've also added some GuideML to make it clearer. I'm not terribly sure it's optimal, seeing as my knowledge of GuideML is next-to-nonexistant, but it's a start. If anyone has any other ideas on how to improve its readability using GuideML, feel free to leave me a note telling me exactly which commands to use (I can figure out the syntax for myself).
I've added a mention about the longer weapon being more accurate because of the distance between sights- I neglected to mention it originally because.. well, it just slipped my mind. Thanks for reminding me (;

Well, about improving the looks, it might be nice to have Actual s and also give the link at the bottom a name instead of the URL being displayed there.

Peace,

Dancer

Alrighty. Added headers (do they work?) and fixed the sections a little. Edited out a grammer mistake. Changed the link text. Any more thoughts would be welcome. Also, I'd like to know if there's any point in submitting this entry for the peer review thingy, seeing as I've no clue what the folks roundabouts here are looking for.
Thanks again to contributors (:

Hi,
I didn't get the "See gun shoot. Shoot gun, shoot!" thing. and I think once you have headers you don't need horisontal lines (at least in classic goo).

I think it's a nice entry and can be submitted into PR.
just remember that each scout gets only 3 picks every 4 weeks, so it takes some time for it to be accepted. It's OK though, cause you'll probably get a lot of input from great researchers in the meantime.


Dancer

The entry's looking pretty good now. Maybe you can get away with the personal reference, if you say "This researcher's first experience with the M-16 was..."

And there's no need to repeat three times that technical data can be found at .

Yeah, post it to PR!

Alrighty. Once again, thanks for the input. The reference to "See spot run. Run spot, run!" was removed )-: took out the horizontals, fixed the first person reference as suggested, removed the extra mentions about the links, and rephrased a few sentences. I'm going to post this to the peer review, as suggested, so feel free to drop any comments here or there (:
Thanks again,
Grim13, Master of Reverse Emoticons

Editorial Note: This conversation has been moved from 'The h2g2 Writing Workshop' to 'The Colt M-16 Assault Rifle'.

This Conversation has been moved because thias entry has now been recommended by a Scout from Peer Review.