I don't like national broadcasts involving overpaid announcers, hours of pre-game documentaries and chatter with superannuated players, and vastly overpriced half-time commercials selling watered-down fluids purported to be 'beer'.

I can't stand watching overpaid, overpadded, overly confidant mesomorphs crashing into each other, trying to see which one can get Astroturf knee first. I can't even stand to look at that deformed missile they laughingly call a 'ball'.

And don't get me started on cricket.

The fact that otherwise healthy and sane people would sit on a couch or a davenport next to otherwise unhealthy and insane people and cheer the gain or loss of a few yards in a symbolic battle between people who have so much in common that when they are off the field, they talk to each other about the teams they would like to be hired by, as opposed to the bums they are working for now. That the educated and uneducated, lettered and unlettered, washed and unwashed can sit for an entire sunday and worship the one-eyed god showing them almost physical activity taking place hundreds of miles away involving people they only pay attention to vicariously, is disturbing to me.

And the morons in the stands, actually watching the game on the gigantic video boards posted around the stadium? They are beneath my contempt.

There are people who protest the possibility of televised executions, people who will not let their children watch violence on the television, fictional, fantasy-based or actual war footage, who will let their tikes sit raptly attentive to football and/or professional wrestling (which are more similar than you might think). These idiots believe that fantasy combat on a playing field is more noble and more peaceful than death in a movie or a newsreel.
Those idiots on the field are not "playing", they are deadly serious. That is their job.

There is no honor in becoming a paraplegic because you broke your neck while chasing a ball that isn't a ball.

When people ask me about football, I tell them that I have no interest in any sport that involves men or clothing.