Back Again.
Created | Updated Sep 8, 2009
I had no idea that I would be away from this site so long when my wife took ill and was admitted into hospital with a cerebral haemorrhage followed by a slight stroke a few weeks ago. It had been a rough time for us all, and when I saw all I mean a lot of people, as she comes from a large family of fourteen, eight sisters and five brothers, along with her own three children, two sons and a daughter. Well, not really children as they are all adults now. She had so many visitors that the staff on the ward allowed us to use their sitting room at visiting times so that she could see us all together, as the hospital has a policy of only two visitors at a time to one patient. Of course it was different when she was first admitted, as she was so ill we almost lost her at one point, it was only when her condition improved that they allowed us to use that room.
It was while sitting here alone at home one evening, after I had dropped her kids off after a visit, that I got to thinking back to when we first met, and how things were so different back then. Most of her brothers and sisters were suspicious of me as to where our relationship was going, as she had been abused by her first husband, in fact she was staying with one of her sisters at the time we met. I had just returned from working over seas and was working away from home, on an oil construction site, on a contract that was due to finish within a few months. I was married at the time, with two teenage daughters, but the marriage was estranged to say the least, as I had been working away from home for a long time, and basically we had drifted apart. Being a subcontractor I had to work most weekends so only got one off every five weeks or so, and did not always go home, and I lived in a rented flat near to the site.
I met D (my now wife) when I was in a pub one evening, it was my local pub and she had just started a job working behind the bar. We got to talking and after a while it was like I had known her all my life. We started going out together on her evenings off, and it was not long before we became soul mates, it was strange in a way, as it brought feelings up that I had never felt in my life before. A few of my workmates said it was just me going through a mid life crisis, as I was forty years old at the time, but I knew it was a lot more then that. In fact it was time for me to make a choice, as my work contract was due to end, and I only had few weeks left before I would be out of a job, and had to decide what I was going to do.
I had heard some really frightening divorce stories from a few of my workmates, as with us all being subcontractors there were quite a lot of divorcees amongst us, which made my decision even harder, as you could say I was well off financially, after working overseas and away from home over the past few years. Yet even being financially secured I was not happy, and that was what made up my mind for me.
After the divorce I was basically bankrupted, and out of work with no where to live, not the most ideal way to start a new life. The following years were hard for the both of us, and we had many problems to face, including broken relationships with our perspective families. Fortunately Ds children, and even her ex husband came round over time, and we all got along together with out any problems. Which was really good for D, as in later years her health started to fail, and she was diagnosed with terminal emphysema.
This brought all of her family, including all her brothers and sisters, closer together. This was a great comfort for me as well really, as after the divorce, neither of my two daughters or my only sister, wanted to keep in contact with me. This was hard for me to take at first, and watching what was happening in Ds family, made me feel a bit jealous in a way. Sounds a bit silly now, but back then things were a bit different, these days I feel like I am part of one big family.
This manifested itself recently when D was rushed into hospital and we all rallied together, to arrange transport in order for everyone to be able to visit her in hospital. Now that D is back home, all be it while waiting for another scan, we still make the best of every day, a policy we adopted a few years ago when she was first diagnosed as being terminally ill. One thing for sure is, we never take each other for granted, and our four grandchildren always get made a fuss of when they come to visit.
Smudger 8/09
