h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A554861

You'll probably think I'm a bit wierd for asking you all to review this, especially since it's my own work, but I'd like to see if people think I'm capable of writing a good entry. As "Cyberkid" I posted a few entries for review but they failed; this is one I spent a while on more recently.

Please take the time to go into your article and enter a blank line between the paragraphs so that my eyes don't cross quite so violently when I try to read it.

Then find at least one place in the first 10 lines or so to use Swift's full name, just to prove that you really know it.

After that post here that you have done it and I will come back and try to read your book report.

You should understand that if you have something to say about "Gulliver's Travels" that belongs in the guide, you should tell us what it is somewhere near the front of your article, then you should use the middle of your article to explain about that point in detail, and at then end of your article you should tell us just what you did.

I should warn you that I am very harsh when grading school work but I am also very fair. I nearly always have a perfectly good reason for marking a student down and when I don't, I'm very, very good at making one up.

Barton

UPDATED:

Added an introductory paragraph saying what the point of the essay is, also using Jonathan Swift's full name.

Added lines between paragraphs.

BTW, this DID have a title similar to the first paragraph; perhaps I should have included it.

Remember when reading it, I am English so I use British spellings and grammar.


Jim

Jim,

Much easier to read. Now, please tell me what level you are at in school (Your age is probably best, I couldn't convert your school system to the one I am familiar to, in any case) so I may lower or raise my sights appropriately. I will tackle this as soon as I see your answer.


Barton

Not much on the book itself, merely the points Swift was making. I suggest perhaps retitling unless you include a little more on the story, at the very least a brief outline of the plot- you jump between the sections without clearly telling us what happened in them. For people like me who haven't read the book for ages, it's difficult to remember which bit you're refering to.

It would also be interesting, considering how often you've mentioned that it was designed to annoy people, if you told us of the reception the book received.

You could also get rid of the 'this essay' introduction. It's not needed in a guide like this.

Interesting points though, and you compared the book to real life well.

I'm Age 18; that's just pre-University.

Changed title, added a little about the plot and the book's reception.

A couple of points:

First - "How Jonathan Swift usess Irony and Comments on Society in "Gulliver's Travels" - a little point, but I'm sure that there are only two 's's in 'uses'...

"As in the England of the 18th century, "They have certain professors well skilled in preparing children for such a condition of life as befits the rank of their parents", thus following a caste system, as with upper, middle and lower class." - I found the end of this sentence somewhat confusing; you might think about removing the 'as' in 'as with upper, middle and lower class' in order to clarify the meaning a little.

Perhaps you might consider the manner in which Swift addresses the notion of immortality in the work; the author challenges the indistinct perception of such institutions as the church of the time that the immortal would all be very happy and young and contented.

You do have one very short and detached paragraph - "Therefore, it would seem that Swift is depreciating his own society's education, despite his assertions of "The author's love of his country" as described at the start of Chapter 7 in Part 2." this could well be attached to the previous paragraph.

I can't think of anything else at the moment. Well done.

PS. Are you doing English Lit. A-level this summer too? If so - good luck...

Jim,

My analysis of your essay would have been to unwieldy to post here. Instead, I have created an article at

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A560558

Which contains your full text with my comments interlarded and appended

Please don't let the number of my markings give you any great dismay. I have taught at the University level and this paper is as good if not better than many that I have given high grades for.

You might also care to consider that my field of study and teaching was theatre and not English literature.

I'm more than a tiny bit opinionated and you will see ample evidence in my comments. Please don't take them too much to heart either. Accept what you choose and reject the rest. After all, I am only one researcher here at h2g2.

I don't really think that this kind of thing is appropriate for inclusion in the edited guide since it is necessarily a very opinionated thing to do and that after all is proper for an essay.

You might want to visit the Writer's Workshop to see if you can get advice and help there.

Good luck at school, though I'm sure you will do fine.

Barton

Submitted to the workshop for help.

On second thoughts, removed from peer review. I'll try again when I have time but that may not be for quite some time.
I might put up some fiction though in the Fiction area.

Jim,

Go right ahead.

I hope I didn't so intimidate you that you won't submit more work for consideration. You really did have some incites into G'sT. I would look forward to you presenting some fine articles for the edited guide.

I will delete my comments immediately if you want me to. Just leave word here or in my space. Otherwise I will delete them as soon as this entry drops out of the top group of entries in Peer Review.

Barton

On third thoughts... I found some time today to rewrite some bits of the entry.

I've re-read your article and you have made improvments. However, I would like to suggest that this thread be moved to the Writer's Workshop where the kind of attention this article needs is intended to be provided.

There is much of what might be a fine appreciation of Swift's book in this piece. Perhaps, after you have done more to focus and refine the article it might even be worthy of becoming an edited part of the guide. You are, however, going to need to go a bit deeper in the book and a bit farther in presenting an overall vision of what Swift was doing when he wrote 'Gulliver's Travels.'

Hopefully, I will be reading a much improved version of this paper in the near future.

Barton

Well, we have Barton's comments on this piece, what do some other people think?

I admit I'm not especially keen on "book reports" in the edited guide, but this does appear to be a rather well done one. I think some of Barton's comments are quite valid, but the author doesn't seem to have been around for awhile. We could move it to the Writing Workshop, but I'd hate to have it languish there when it's so close to being ready.

What do y'all think?


Mikey

I would like to reiterate that I am BRITISH; many of Barton's Grammar comments are incorrect for grammar.
To address your point about book reviews in the guide, I feel that it would be useful to have some reviews since this makes, IMHO, for a more rounded guide.

I'll have another look at the entry now I have time, and maybe make a few changes.

I *do* admit refraining from reading this until now because it is a book essay, but other then the overlong title, it is quite good I must admit.


Dancer

Would you care to suggest a better title? And no, I'm not being sarcastic, I really DO want a better title.

Jim

Well, A first nice cut will take the author's name off the title, it is unnecessery:

The usage of Irony to Comments on Society in "Gulliver's Travels"

Thinking that the first thing that should spring to the eye is the name of the book, and that the main thing is the commenting on sosciety, and the irony is only a means rather then the target, maybe:

Gulliver's Travels and how it comments on society.

Titles should be short and catchy


Dancer

Thanks, I'll have another look at it.

Jim