The NYC subway system after midnight
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Not a Survival Guide
The first thing of note is that this is most certainly not a survival guide. Think of this as more of a walking tour in mundanity. If you don't know how to survive in NYC, then you certainly shouldn't be out on the subways after midnight. If you don't know how to survive in NYC, I certainly can't explain anything helpful here. I never ran into very much trouble, perhaps because my clothes are always ripped or stained by paint, I never shave, my hair is usually in disarray, and my eyes complete a dazed and wandering look. If anything, I probably never got mugged because I perpetually looked as if I just had been.
What I hope to share here is a wonderous amount of mystery, amusement, and little wonders hidden to all but the avid and observant late-night subway rider. Any or all of these may seem to be discomforts or hassles in the wrong state of mind. So we come to the most important point; It is important to have an amused disposition when taking a late-night or early-morning walking tour of the new york city subway system.
Animal
Perhaps the most visible, and usually the most repugnant, of that which you will encounter in the NYC subways fall under the Animal category. Most are revolting if not in and of themselves, then because of that which they are overly-ready to exude.
Contagious
All of the Animal->Contagious category should be given a wide berth during observation.
- Diseased Rats -
While these are indistinguishable from the Healthy Rats, Diseased Rats are likely more numerous. Rats are most often visible scurrying along the subway tracks when no trains are present. They do scurry across the walkways as well. Usually from one hole in the wall to another. Any hissing or threatening rats are likely of this category.
- Diseased People -
Aids is certainly a concern to any person who would like to live out their natural life in health and strength. So it is the foremost concern among avoiding Diseased People. People with HIV/Aids look just like everyone else. There is no way to spot them without something obvious to point them out. In fact, chances are that the people who openly claim to be HIV/Aids infected on the subway in the middle of the night are about to show you a needle and ask for your money. They very well may not be Diseased People, but this humble author would suggest you take them at their word and do whatever they say. (Short of sexual acts, for obvious reasons, you might as well just take your chances with the needle.)
It will be far easier to notice other Diseased People, usually apparent by their perpetual coughing, choking, or general extremely unhealthy appearance. Just about any known disease may well be endemic in the population of Diseased People about in the wee hours.
- Wounded People -
Easily noted by their gaping wounds and cries for help. Otherwise they can be found unconscious, sometimes in a pool of blood. While one should contact any number of emergency medical services (EMS) in order to aid wounded people, they should otherwise be treated as Diseased People.
- Angry Drunks -
The precise 10 part alcohol, one part urine stench is the quickest atmospheric indicator of a space recently inhabited by a Drunk, a fair percentage of Drunks are Angry Drunks at one point or another during the night. The transformation from Drunk to Angry Drunk is surprisingly swift if you find yourself verbally smug in condescenscion. Only the anger part is contagious; unless the sight of the perpetually inebriated drives you to drink. These are the more dangerous variety of drunks that one may encounter on the subway, mostly because they may also fall into the Diseased People category mentioned above. Signs of Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome such as cogwheeling1 will indicate the veteran Angry Drunks. This tells you that either they are too physically awkward to be truly threatening, or that they didn't stay alive as an Angry Drunk so long by being totally harmless or helpless. Further clarification is left up to the curious tourist.
- Live Cultures -
Not what you would find in your garden-variety yogurt. A professor of mine at New York University claimed that anti-bacterial soap would eventually cause the end of humanity. He claimed that using something that kills only 99% of all bacteria ensures only the strongest will survive uncontended. There is no danger of running into anything sterilized with anti-bacterial soap on the subway. So, in a way we can rest assured that the subways are safely protected from the stronger bacteria by their weaker more numerous cousins.
