h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A553727

This entry was written by http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/U170550 , aka Researcher 170550

I think with a bit of work, and some help from those people here in the workshop, we could have an entry ripe for Peer Review - who wants to lend a (painted) hand?

*wanders into thread brandishing nail file, nail buffer, nail polish remover, and cotton wool pads, as well as a tasteful light blue nailvarnish chosen to complement her tennis dress and not argue with the colour of her b/f's MMath hood*

I'll help I've never been in a writing workshop thread before, but I do enjoy doing my nails...

*starts with remover *

well, I don't know how active the researcher is going to be, since they're a relative newcomer - which will effect the flavor of the thread...

starting with remover works {though that's not what you meant... }

Ok - so I have two bottle of remover in my drawer. They're both acetone based, which probably means they're really bad for me - but are there any alternatives? I've only ever tried acetone-based ones, though the one I'm using at the mo, from cutex, claims to be "nail whitening" too...

I tend to remove nailpolish using a cotton wool pad, wetting it, and stroking from cuticle to tip - though I tend to end up with teensy lines of nailpolish on the edges that I missed with the remover and end up scratching them off - doh!

btw, What's a MMath hood?

an MMath hood is a rather distressing shade of pink, or so I'm told Its academic dress: when you graduate you have to wear a gown, and the appropriate hood for your degree course. At Durham the BA ones are cool: Black with a white fur edging, the BSc ones can be quite grim: Palatinate (Durham for mauve) with a red stripe and a white fur edging, MMath hoods are pink. I don't know if they have fur... ...perhaps we should do an entry on academic dress...

As far as the remover's comcerned, I'm using a cutex one too; the 'strengthening' one, because it doesn't smell of acetone so much as vanilla... Its possible to get non-acetone ones from the Body Shop, I got some nail polish remover wipes from there ages ago, but they didn't work so well, it took ages to get the polish off, and they also left my hands really oily- greasy and icky, so I've not investigated it since. I also wind up scratching the edges off too sometimes... *looks guilty* Apparently you're not supposed to paint right to the edges in the first place, but I find this very difficult, almost impossible.

MMath would then be what my uni calls "Mathmo"... I've hired my hood (and gown), after ticking the box for artificial fur - I *think* it's white fur, but I don't know - it'll be a surprise! Just as long as it isn't in college colours - ours are pink and brown...

You're not meant to do them to the edges!? Well that's news to me - I know you're meant to try and avoid getting any on the flesh round your nail if you can - but that's the first I've heard of deliberately painting a little way short... do you happen to know why? Seems like it would look pretty weird, if you ask me...

The acetone smell is rather horrendous, isn't it? My cutex stuff has perfume listed as an agreement - and it's so much better than the german stuff - that'll take your nose hairs off, that will!

I'm a girl so my college colours are Hild ones which are bottle green, palatinate and white. Blokes get Bede colours though, which are light and dark blue...

I think you're not supposed to do them right to the edges, just very close. Unfortunately I cannot produce any authority for this statement It can look a little strange I think if not done well, but it doesn't have to be very noticeable...

I hate the acetone smell. My housemates hate it more and I paint my nails with the door shut and the window open

*having filed and buffed her nails irl and about to go offline to paint them*

at smell...

It's probably like staying away from the cuticles I guess - something else I'm not terribly good at. One helpful hint I found, though, online somewhere. You start just a teensy bit in front of the cuticle, move the brushe *backwards* a little bit, and then paint. When it works, it all works very nicely indeed!

Hmm... something worth trying, I think... *looks at nails, whih are already needing painting again*

Tell me - I used to paint my nails with stripes of different colours (this was back in the .... wait for it ..... 70's!!) - d'you reckon it would still be "cool" do it now?

Anyone got any really helpful tips on stopping nails from splitting & peeling back? The only thing I can do at present is sort of glue them at the ends with a very old bottle of Sally Hanson Nail Mend Bonder (don't know if it's still made now!), then coat with Sally H's strengthener, then ... add nail colour!! But what a performance & time waster when it chips.

Help much appreciated!!!

Shirps

Striped nailpolish - ooh, I'll have to try that! But how do you do the stripes so that they're even and straight - seems like it'd be a lot of work... oh - and which way do you stripe them: across, diagonally, or lengthways?

splitting - you might want to go shopping for some new strengthener/moisteuriser stuff: it certainly used to be the case that strengtheners made nails very brittle, and sometimes made things worse in the long run, but some of the gunk they have out nowadays is meant to be much better. Try it!

Stripes - whichever way you want! If you cant do them straight - do them wavy!!! Practice makes for speed & fast drying polish!!

Have fun!

Looks like a trip to the chemist is in order, hmmmm, spend some modern pennies!!!!

Shirps

-- well, I don't know how active the researcher is going to be, since they're a relative newcomer - which will effect the flavor of the thread... --

Umm... we all have to start somewhere. I can't devote vast acres of time to it, but it's just a few paragraphs about nail polish! You ought to do your own entry on nail polish too since you're 'into' all this. A diversity of opinions would make the guide a very good research tool. Something dreadfully dull like Britannica tends to only give one viewpoint on a topic, and it's usually not much fun.

Sorry if this sounds a bit cheeky but I'm not really bothered about whether this ends up as an edited guide entry or not. If there's a problem with the article I'd rather readers brought it up in the discussion thread directly below the entry (for example someone brought up some facts I'd missed out in my entry on Sega video games). I love that thing where you buy a second hand reference book and find dry retorts on various inaccuracies pencilled in the margin.

How long do we have to talk about an entry before it becomes part of the 'edited' guide, anyway? Is there some uber-researcher who clicks some option box somewhere?

-- I tend to remove nailpolish using a cotton wool pad, wetting it, and stroking from cuticle to tip - though I tend to end up with teensy lines of nailpolish on the edges that I missed with the remover and end up scratching them off - doh! --

Cotton wool can be a problem if you use glittery polish or coating, because it tears it to shreds. It does this to pads too but to a lesser extent. I know what you mean about the sides, but I just go over the nails twice, you don't need to scratch. It's kind of like putting in a fresh load of hot water when you're doing the dishes to get the tiny specks of hardcore dirt stuck to the baking tray.

That wasn't a criticism!

I was just pointing out to people that there might be a bit of a wait before you actually arrived, and in the meantime we might as well just natter amongst ourselves - and also that what exactly happens with your entry isn't certain - it depends what you wanna do and stuff

What typically happens is that people will post stuff that they think your entry is missing out on, that they'd like to see in it, suggest minor changes, and so forth and so on. When you think it's of a high enough quality to enter the guide, just create a new thread in Peer Review (and let us know!).

But it's entirely up to you, so do what you like, eh? If you don't want to try, I'll happilly take it over from you and see what I can do - and give you credit of course!

Just some handy hints for whoever does write this entry.
Nail polish should alwaysbe applied over a base coat. That stops the nails turning yellow. Not a clear polsh. but a proper base coat. Then apply colour in no more than 3 strokes, leaving the sides and cuticle clear so the skin/nail can breathe. Just a small gap will do. Make sure each coat is dry before painting another, they take longer to dry each coat. Then add a top coat as this stops the polish chipping at the tips for longer. The ideal amount of coats is 5. Base, 3 colour, top. Never scrape the polish off as this is bad for nails, and makes them prone to flaking. "Dry" nails in water as the solvent evaporates quicker in water than in air.

Removal, leave the cotton wool ball resting on the nail for a while to soak in a bit before wiping firmly along the nail, cutiicle to tip. This helps a lot at getting it off quicker, especially if it is being removed fairly soon.

Store polish in the fridge as it goes on smoothly. Don't shake the bottle before applying unless it specifically says so, as it fills the bottle full of bubbles and it's a total mare to put on.

That's the mechanics of it. Anything you know already I apologise for, but only a bit. The reasons for you men stealing our last remnants of glamour is your problem.
Although I can sort of quote a male friend of mine saying it doesn't just look good it makes him feel good too. He was trying to summon up some manly bonding with my bloke after he wore some to a fetish club. My bloke thought he was mad, but there you are.

I'm newly reminded of this - sparkly nailpolish takes *forever* to get off - it seems that the sparkles aren't soluble in acetone...

What's the difference between clear polish and base coat - I thought they were just a way for cosmetics companies to make more money...

I don't know what the actual difference is, but there is one. If you buy a base coat/top coat in one bottle you can use it as clear polish anyway. If you use clear polish it makes your nails go yellow, just like the coloured ones.

The ones with bits in are really annoying, I bought one with quite big fleck things in it, and it was murder to put on, and even worse to take off. But if you soak the cotton wool in remover and then squash it on your nail and let it sort of drip out, then it does get easier. Messy though. Do it over a bowl when you're not in a rush. I'll keep my eye out in my glossies for any advice.

How can you people talk so much about nails? I mean I'm a girl and in my sixteen years of life I have never even been slightly interested in cosmetics of any sort! Except once when I was five.I was playing clowns!

Because we're old, and need all the help we can get.

Hey, not so much of the old!! We are gently maturing.

When I was sixteen I was climbing trees & thought I'd never get married, let alone go out with a ....... boy!!!

See what time does!

Like a bottle of fine wine... becoming bitter and tasteless as time goes on...