How to manage a teenybopper band/artist
Created | Updated May 27, 2003
In recent years, the music charts have been dominated by teenybopper artists. Bands who do not play their own instruments and mime when singing 'live'. This type of band is so popular that there are even TV shows which result in the creation of a new teenybopper band (see Hear'say or Bardot). This is an easy way to make money. But how do you go about creating and managing said bands? This will give you some advice.
1) Choose your singer(s).
Any females that you choose must have two talents. These MUST be located between the neck and the bottom of the rib cage and be very noticeable. Males must be as close to physical perfection as you can manage. Please note that the ability to sing or dance is not necessary.
2) Send your artist or band for a makeover.
From this point on they must NEVER be allowed to wear any item of clothing which has not been approved by you or their stylist.
3) Instruct them as to what they must say.
Popular choices include:
I have not had a boyfriend/girlfriend for years or I have never been in love. These are important so that the target audience actually think they stand a chance with them.
I don't have time for love. Go for the sympathy vote.
I plan to remain a virgin until I get married. This will make parents love them as well.
4) In order to promote the new single/album/tour do something spectacular.
Popular choices are release a film, make a TV series, start dating someone equally as famous and desperate for publicity (Steps did this best with two members of the group), split up with boyfriend/girlfriend or admit to previous cannabis experimentation. Other tactics include pregnancy, getting caught smoking canabis (a la S Club 7) and marriage.
5) If really desperate arrange a kiss and tell story to come out.
Especially if it is about the committed virgin.
6) Express outrage and allegations of lack of singing ability.
But under NO circumstances should your charges attempt to disprove them by singing live.
And finally. Good luck.
1) Choose your singer(s).
Any females that you choose must have two talents. These MUST be located between the neck and the bottom of the rib cage and be very noticeable. Males must be as close to physical perfection as you can manage. Please note that the ability to sing or dance is not necessary.
2) Send your artist or band for a makeover.
From this point on they must NEVER be allowed to wear any item of clothing which has not been approved by you or their stylist.
3) Instruct them as to what they must say.
Popular choices include:
I have not had a boyfriend/girlfriend for years or I have never been in love. These are important so that the target audience actually think they stand a chance with them.
I don't have time for love. Go for the sympathy vote.
I plan to remain a virgin until I get married. This will make parents love them as well.
4) In order to promote the new single/album/tour do something spectacular.
Popular choices are release a film, make a TV series, start dating someone equally as famous and desperate for publicity (Steps did this best with two members of the group), split up with boyfriend/girlfriend or admit to previous cannabis experimentation. Other tactics include pregnancy, getting caught smoking canabis (a la S Club 7) and marriage.
5) If really desperate arrange a kiss and tell story to come out.
Especially if it is about the committed virgin.
6) Express outrage and allegations of lack of singing ability.
But under NO circumstances should your charges attempt to disprove them by singing live.
And finally. Good luck.
