Aliens in the Carolinas
Created | Updated Sep 14, 2009
Travel tips for aliens who find themselves in the carolina mountains, step one get a ballcap. The more polyester the better (visitors from Propalyne-4 will find it a great snack should they be without other foods) this hat may have fish or truck logos on it. The most succesful ones will bear warnings to northerners to go back home,star cartographers from Northlak-7 need not worry yankees however do. Step two: Ample make up will need to be applied for those more colorful celestial visitors. A mixture between a light peach color with tactically placed red mud and kool-aid stains. Many earthlings of this region have quite mixed up views on the subject of race relations. Many hitchhikers believe that this is a chemical imbalance brought on by their favorite meal squirrel stew seasoned with gunpowder, which should only be used as axle grease for your pickup truck. Step three: The pickup truck itself (upon proving residence you will be supplied one for free apparently) must have no fewer than 3 colors on its panels, hood, and doors the dominate one being a starship gray seemingly smeared randomly over the other colors. You will arise suspicion if beer cans and an old dog are not kept in the back bed. Despite the fact that most of these mountain colonies are little more than beer stained, butt scratching savages you will find hospitality and adventure with some of the more intelligent and kind hearted denizens of these majestic mountains.
