h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I used to be a werewolf but I'm alright nooooooooooooooooooooooow

Q. What do you call a cat thats eaten to many ducks?

A. Duckfilledfattypuss

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.
The waiter came and took their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.
"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.
"I want the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later, the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.
"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy, "but why have you only ordered beer all evening?"



The third piggy says -

"Well, somebody has to go'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"

Skippy 'Rolling Story' F16034?thread=1033697

More jokes please

A man goes into a bar and says, 'Have you seen my lizard pointing to his shoulder'

The barman says, 'No'

The man said, 'No wonder hes mynewt'

Two fish in a tank one says to the other, 'How do you drive this thing?'

I'm gonna flip out like a Ninja
http://www.7secondsoflove.com/ninja/

A man goes into a bar with his pet newt on his shoulder and says to the barman 'Can I have a drink for me and my lizard? The barman says 'What lizard? The man says, 'Oh sorry he is on my shouler you can't see him cos he is mynewt'

1. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

2. What do you call fish with no eyes? Fsh.

3. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"