In praise of co-dependency
Created | Updated Nov 7, 2005
Only the soul that loves is happy – (Goethe)
IN PRAISE OF CO-DEPENDENCY
A myth taught at the new universities of co-dependency is tainting western society; bookshop shelves are filled with an increasing library of co-dependency bibles, self-help groups grow in numbers weekly and the coffers of the new bred of family councillor fill with silver as unhappy clients populate their waiting rooms.
Their message is clear -
Are you are you insecure, do you suffer from low self worth, worry what others think about you, have difficulty sleeping or eating, is your sex life unsatisfactory, does life treats you badly, are you are concerned that your partner doesn’t love you enough or loves you too much, doesn’t give you enough attention, gives you too much attention. Are you are unfulfilled in a relationship with your husband, children, parents or friends.
The reason for these and any other dissatisfaction in your life, according to the new guru, is your co-dependency. But it is not your fault. Your parents are to blame for forcing you to develop painful, dysfunctional, emotional defense mechanisms that are the root cause of your anxiety.
The original concept of co-dependency was a well-meaning and successful process to help the partners of mentally ill people, alcoholics and of those addicted to drugs, cope with their painful lives. Unfortunately the new councillors are usurping the concept and suggesting that it offers a cure for all forms of misery. The offer is of assistance short of actual help for the concept is flawed. It is a dysfunctional solution to societies dysfunctional culture.
What is offered as cure for co-dependency: -
You are obliged to become selfish, self-obsessed, and self-cantered - detach, ignore other people’s needs, put your own needs first. Care about yourself, protect your self and don’t care what others think, their pain is not your concern, you are a person in your own right and if your partner is hurt by your behaviour then they must deal with their own co-dependency illness.
You are told to detach with love from a partner even though you know this is impossible for there is always anger and self righteous indignation in detachment.. It is vindictiveness masked as self-preservation. To suggest this form of behaviour to kind, caring and generous people is malicious and will cause misery and grief.
To suggest this to a person who is by nature spiteful and cruel is a confirmation that their callous behaviour is acceptable. Where in co-dependency teaching is the milk of human kindness and the need to be mindful of the needs of others for these are the characteristics that stimulate self worth, self-respect and will bring contentment.
We live in a world where people are obsessed with wealth and greed whilst worshipping a god of materialism, Societies are racked with envy and a peculiar belief that it is possible to become self sufficient and self contained and this will bring happiness. This is false guidance for the human animal achieves contentment and success by acting co-operatively, the capacity to share knowledge and information is the key to every success. The facility to care and comfort our loved ones both physically and emotionally is a gift that has brought happiness throughout the centuries. We cannot be fulfilled without co-depending with others, self-sufficiency is impossible.
We are born totally dependant on love and live forever dependant on others. We could not survive without the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker. They could not survive without us; we are all co-dependant. To strive for independence, material success, self-sufficiency is unnatural and unhealthy for it breeds the jealousy and greed. It is only by accepting the need to be co-dependant, to alleviate un-healthy competition and self-pride that humans will achieve contentment and peace of mind.
As children we are emotionally dependant on our parents for love and comfort to ease the mental and physical pains. We give love to our parents and they give love to us. We are co-dependant with them. This is the natural state and is the joy we crave from life. We lust after a loving relationship whilst navigating the tempestuous sea of existence and in our dysfunctional society we are in particular need of emotional stability. It is paradox that to deal with the perceived dangers of co-dependency we need to become dependant on the help of others, the psychotherapist, the councillor, or the therapy group. To banish the fear of co-dependency we become co-dependant.
To strive for independence is unhealthy, and will only bring fear and unhappiness, only the soul that loves is happy and we are happy when find a partner on whom we can co-depend. People who are fooled by the co-dependency myth are beset by insecurity and fear their own inadequacy, they believe they have failed and they know they are dishonest.
It is time to praise the benefits of healthy co-dependency. Time to deal with the causes of our dysfunctional behaviour and not merely medicate the symptoms. Addictions, obsessions and paranoia can be treated; sufferers can be shown the unhealthy nature of our society and taught the benefits of spirituality. They should not be encouraged to embark on a journey alien to their hearts desire, a journey destined to fail and to bring pain and unhappiness to all.
IN PRAISE OF CO-DEPENDENCY
A myth taught at the new universities of co-dependency is tainting western society; bookshop shelves are filled with an increasing library of co-dependency bibles, self-help groups grow in numbers weekly and the coffers of the new bred of family councillor fill with silver as unhappy clients populate their waiting rooms.
Their message is clear -
Are you are you insecure, do you suffer from low self worth, worry what others think about you, have difficulty sleeping or eating, is your sex life unsatisfactory, does life treats you badly, are you are concerned that your partner doesn’t love you enough or loves you too much, doesn’t give you enough attention, gives you too much attention. Are you are unfulfilled in a relationship with your husband, children, parents or friends.
The reason for these and any other dissatisfaction in your life, according to the new guru, is your co-dependency. But it is not your fault. Your parents are to blame for forcing you to develop painful, dysfunctional, emotional defense mechanisms that are the root cause of your anxiety.
The original concept of co-dependency was a well-meaning and successful process to help the partners of mentally ill people, alcoholics and of those addicted to drugs, cope with their painful lives. Unfortunately the new councillors are usurping the concept and suggesting that it offers a cure for all forms of misery. The offer is of assistance short of actual help for the concept is flawed. It is a dysfunctional solution to societies dysfunctional culture.
What is offered as cure for co-dependency: -
You are obliged to become selfish, self-obsessed, and self-cantered - detach, ignore other people’s needs, put your own needs first. Care about yourself, protect your self and don’t care what others think, their pain is not your concern, you are a person in your own right and if your partner is hurt by your behaviour then they must deal with their own co-dependency illness.
You are told to detach with love from a partner even though you know this is impossible for there is always anger and self righteous indignation in detachment.. It is vindictiveness masked as self-preservation. To suggest this form of behaviour to kind, caring and generous people is malicious and will cause misery and grief.
To suggest this to a person who is by nature spiteful and cruel is a confirmation that their callous behaviour is acceptable. Where in co-dependency teaching is the milk of human kindness and the need to be mindful of the needs of others for these are the characteristics that stimulate self worth, self-respect and will bring contentment.
We live in a world where people are obsessed with wealth and greed whilst worshipping a god of materialism, Societies are racked with envy and a peculiar belief that it is possible to become self sufficient and self contained and this will bring happiness. This is false guidance for the human animal achieves contentment and success by acting co-operatively, the capacity to share knowledge and information is the key to every success. The facility to care and comfort our loved ones both physically and emotionally is a gift that has brought happiness throughout the centuries. We cannot be fulfilled without co-depending with others, self-sufficiency is impossible.
We are born totally dependant on love and live forever dependant on others. We could not survive without the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker. They could not survive without us; we are all co-dependant. To strive for independence, material success, self-sufficiency is unnatural and unhealthy for it breeds the jealousy and greed. It is only by accepting the need to be co-dependant, to alleviate un-healthy competition and self-pride that humans will achieve contentment and peace of mind.
As children we are emotionally dependant on our parents for love and comfort to ease the mental and physical pains. We give love to our parents and they give love to us. We are co-dependant with them. This is the natural state and is the joy we crave from life. We lust after a loving relationship whilst navigating the tempestuous sea of existence and in our dysfunctional society we are in particular need of emotional stability. It is paradox that to deal with the perceived dangers of co-dependency we need to become dependant on the help of others, the psychotherapist, the councillor, or the therapy group. To banish the fear of co-dependency we become co-dependant.
To strive for independence is unhealthy, and will only bring fear and unhappiness, only the soul that loves is happy and we are happy when find a partner on whom we can co-depend. People who are fooled by the co-dependency myth are beset by insecurity and fear their own inadequacy, they believe they have failed and they know they are dishonest.
It is time to praise the benefits of healthy co-dependency. Time to deal with the causes of our dysfunctional behaviour and not merely medicate the symptoms. Addictions, obsessions and paranoia can be treated; sufferers can be shown the unhealthy nature of our society and taught the benefits of spirituality. They should not be encouraged to embark on a journey alien to their hearts desire, a journey destined to fail and to bring pain and unhappiness to all.
