h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Insightfully Meaningless Writings of Random Specificity #6


Sex . . .that is right ladies and gents . . .Sex . . .SEX. . S . . .E . . .X. Sex sex sex sex sex. Is it the root of all evil? . .NO. But perhaps the greatest gift God could have granted humans for all time. We are the only species known to do this carnal act for the sheer pleasure of it and not always for procreation. But is sex a problem to some. Surely not to all of us. But to some it seems it is.
Reader, do you remember your first time? Was it in the backseat of your old mans car at the high school prom? Was it after a long and protracted binge of drinking? I hope not. I am stricken again by Poe's poem The happiest day the Happiest Hour as I write this. For sure the first time sexual encounter should be labeled as such. I know mine is one of the more happier moments I have had. Nothing can beat the moment of discovery amongst two people. The ectasy that comes from the sharing for the first time ones body with another. IT is one of the most special moments that can come about in ones life. A moment I feel sorry for with clergy members and the devoutly abstinent for never being able to experience. It is this experience, reader, which I wish to write about this very evening.
For most growing up, sex was one of those things that parents would sluff off as a subject not necessary to discuss with the younger generation until the last possible moment . . .only to find out the discussion is far to late. For women, sex is a romantic fantasy that they hold near and dear to their hearts as an evening of candlelight, dancing, and long walks on the beach. For men, at least at the early age, it is a fantasy of immediate satisfaction and long protracted acts of carnal desire. Nevertheless, both sexes grow up with the innate mechanism for sexual conquest. Most become aware of it at puberty. And for a few, the fantasy is shattered during the formative high school years as a moment of earth shattering inability to bring the act to closure with no candle light, no dancing and no long walks to anywhere but some excluded wooded area or car. (Fortunately for the author, the first time happened under more desirable conditions and at a much later date). Now this is not to say that it is wrong for this to happen. Merely, unfortunate. You see, women grow up going goo-goo over weddings and romance and love. Men, we grow up going goo-goo over tight pants, thongs, and porno. Not all of us, but surely most. Women grow up learning that the orgasm, though important, is not necessary. While men grow up learning about our inadequacies and how to make them better. But regardless of which school of thought men and women grow up learning, the moment of truth, the moment of ultimate pay off and pleasure, nothing can prepare them for it.
Remember reader, the shaky palms, the nervous anticipation, and the unwillingness to let the other see exactly what you look like for fear of not living up to expectations of popular thought. Seems naive now doesn't it. Trust me reader, it was. No matter if you thought the first time was first love or first conquest, all those expectations and longing and fantasies were untried and untrue. Trust me ladies and gentlemen that your first time isn't worth two poops in a champagne glass compared to the first time with your true love. Now reader, if those two things, first time and first love, are synonymous then please discontinue your reading for you are a lucky few and those of us who aren't as lucky wish not for your company in a forum such as this that I am presenting.
But sex can be a draw back if one comes to depend on it too much. You see, reader, everyone has dry spells, and it is during these dry spells that the problems can occur. Now there are ways of taking care of desire by ones self. Exercise, work, alcohol, to name a few. But I will talk about the single few in this paragraph and talk about the married many in the next.
The single few. . . or many depending on what side of the marriage coin you lay. What can I say about us? We are a proud, introspective and at times lonely breed. Sex for us is a topic talked about between friends and the goal much sought after on Friday and Saturday nights. When we get it, it is a conquest and when we don't it is for the best and the gym/racquetball court/tennis court/or showers are the only ones to suffer our wrath. But for many of us sex is an after goal of actually finding a partner. Perhaps for us, it is the goal amongst goals. The reason we spend dollar after dollar at seedy dance clubs and bars. Or in my case the post nuptial present of all time. You see, reader we all genetically predisposed to a certain act . . .sex . . .the basic desire to continue the species. For single people, it is merely a type of "batting practice" if you will until the real thing comes along. Single people go out to clubs in groups and what not, in the search of a partner for the long or short term, or whatever term they dub necessary, but regardless, in the base of all of our feeble little brain stems the desire for carnal knowledge of another individual is there. Reader, you will have to refer to my other writings on clubs to get a further understanding on this point of view. But back to the point, sex ladies and gentleman is not . . .I repeat . . .not something to partake in after a drinking binge with friends and with the only girl or guy left at the bar at closing time. See, reader, sex is the problem amongst us when this happens. The "coyote ugly" complex . . .you know the one. . Where you would rather gnaw your own arm off than wake the person in the bed beside you after an encounter you are not likely to remember for another couple hours.
Married individual . . .Hmnmmmm. never been married . . . so how can I talk about its sexual dynamics. And perhaps I can't . . .but I can discuss the problem part. See married individuals who aren't careful can settle into apathy. A sexual wantonness can occur that leads to that ever so popular A word. Communication . . .ladies and gents . . .communication is the key. That's all I will ever say about that.
Now I am sure reader that you are wondering about first times. Mine was remarkable. Though by present standards, less than exemplary. I can remember it being 5:30 in the morning as I put quarter after quarter in the college vending machine to buy a three pack of condoms. It was thanksgiving break at East Carolina. What a wonderful vacation. I can remember me taking one of the most detailed showers in my life . . .washing every nook and cranny for fear of unpleasant odors that might make it a no-go. The act itself only lasted three hours, but what I remember most is the after glow and the rest of that day. We lay there cuddled and sweaty in our dorm room, telling each other just exactly how we feel for each other and how this is what is meant to be (wish I knew then what I know now), I remember watching the sun come up as it crested over the neighboring dormitory. I remember the sweet musky scent of three hours of making love . . .and reader that is exactly what we did. I remember her getting up still naked and getting dresses, passing me that smile of an angel. The smile that generates not from the mouth but from the eyes. The smile that says I love you. I remember the smell of the perfume and body spray that she wore. I remember looking at her in her nakedness and realizing what a thing of beauty the female form is. I remember the long kisses as we remember the morning's events. I remember the breakfast at the dinning hall looking at her, looking at the people around of us wondering if they knew what we had done, and reveling in the fact that they didn't. To me reader, it isn’t the act itself that is important. It is the post-act that makes the difference. It is the connection that we feel afterwards that is the moneymaker. It is the cuddle and the shower and the bath that we share after the act that brings the connection. Sure carnal knowledge is important in the building of a long term relationship of marriage quality, but what we fail to realize is that in both men and women, there is need to feel safe and secure amongst each other that makes the post sexual desire the best part. There in lies the connection. It is the point in which you can judge where the true feelings lie. The comments of future, the hopeful feelings of a next encounter, the longing look that is past to each other in those moments of calm. Those are where true love and life hide. Those moments walking hand in hand with a secret of knowledge of the other whilst in a shopping mall or classroom or other public place. That is what binds. And that is what is forgotten amongst those who choose to leave love for desire.
You see, reader, sex means a lot of things to a lot of different people. Some broad generalizations can be made. Women, without love or with, need post sexual relations to complete the act. Men, with love (though they hate to admit it) need post sexual relations. Men, without love, feel post sexual relations as a way of entrapment. This is unfair and a problem amongst a lot of people, but for the most part it is true. But amongst those with true love, sex means the ultimate self expression of love and desire amongst two people. The emotion of love manifests itself in the basic of all primal instincts . . .sex. And though it is present in every act . . .there it is.
You see, reader, sex is not something to be taken lightly or even to be trivialized in casual conversation. But rather it is something to be respected and sought after with someone with whom those feelings of true love manifest themselves. That is my desire, and though the racquetball reap the frustration, I realize that someone somewhere will get the benefits and I would not be grudge them any bit of it. NEVER. And though I do frequent every club I write about and have been every person I write about. The sober Monday author looks not for carnal satisfaction for satisfaction sake, but rather the life long sharing amongst two people.


SO reader and my fellow researchers, I look forward to your replies and all your adventures. Godspeed and take care.