h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I don't get it, but I like it.

Thank you. It's really great to know someone's had a read.
This story is composed of jokes that have been going on between me and my friends which I've then run through a translation into the literal. It's about my personality because it shows how the weird can lie very close behind the every day. Surrealism is never far from any joke or in fact, any situation, you just have to push it a bit further and there it is.
The bloke in the leather coat is actually my boyfriend. The pigeon in the fish nets is a joke I've been having with my friend. You had to be there but she suddenly pointed at a pigeon one day and said 'sexy pigeon legs!'. We later went to watch the rocky horror show and this is a combination of the two.
I hope you understand it a bit better now. Do you want me to tell you about anythng else in the story?

No, telling me what it all meant would be cheating. I have to figure it out from what you've shown in the story.

I just want to say, wow. What a great story!

Thanx. Have you written any?

I liked the give and take between the characters and how her "discomfort mutated into offence."
"crossed over to the other side" sounds like the lyrics in a song, maybe a warning not to let something within her die. and the tourists all sounded like lemmings or robots. but the story exacted a price for not dying inside; you want excitement, here it is. now you have to deal with it.
sounds about right.

I've been told that i don't have a mature enough voice in this particular story does anyone have any tips as to how i could develop that?

the girl in the story sounds like a teenager. the story works like it is, but if you want to age the girl, find a chat room with people the age of the girl as you would like to write her, and listen in(or, just find some of your friends of that age group). also, the slang is young.
when the girl starts to leave and the guy stops her, she says"I can leave if I want to." to age her, have her stay something stuffy, like "Excuse me? I'm leaving, Now!", and he says "No, you're not." calmly.
remember, it's your story. teen voices are important, and their stories are interesting, so if you want to leave it alone, it's good. Don't let someone else get you to re-writing the story their way, unless you want to do it as an exercise, or you like their idea.

Thankyou for your input

Hey there babe. How are you!!! I'm sat in the "L.R.C" talk to me