Article #2 in the Otherkin series. This article contains exerpts I wrote on a mailing list in 1999. To look at #1, click here.

A question has arisen about our faith in what we as otherkin believe. In other words, how do we know whether we really are otherkin, or whether we are deluding ourselves, or indulging in wishful thinking? Are we fooling ourselves? Are we even treading the line between sanity and insanity?

Now, I am not trying to question anyone else's beliefs here, I'm not even questioniong my own beliefs (though I do worry about these things from time to time). But I do think that there are perhaps many otherkin who share these concerns and may be afraid to speak out.

From time to time I go through these kind of doubts too. I think we all do sometimes. When I first Awakened I had no idea there were so many Otherkin around. It was a lot of years ago, there was no internet community (there was no internet...) there was just me, and a handful of friends who shared dreams and memories. When we had doubts and worries of this sort we only had each other to turn to. I think it's natural to worry about whether or not we are deluding ourselves. Everyone with an active and questioning intellect will want to seek answers to those fundamental questions of who we are, where we are from and where we are going. It's my perception that the majority of otherkin I have encountered face-to-face or on the 'net are generally of above average intelligence, and it's therefore to be expected that we will question our own beliefs, and perhaps our sanity.

I've known for the best part of twenty years that I was "different", and once I started to use the word "elf" to describe what I felt myself to be, I began to feel much more comfortable with myself. It is an identity which makes sense to me, which explains a good many things about my personality, my hopes and memories, and things I believe about reality. But in the end it's just a label. I use the word "elf" because what I am reminds me a great deal of elves from myth and literature (and at the time of my awakening I was eagerly absorbing page after page of the Silmarillion; my favourite of Tolkien's books). In the end though, it's just a label, but because the concept of "elf" is part of the collective consciousness, when I say to someone "I am an elf" they pretty much know what I'm talking about.

If "delusional" means "believing in something that is not true" then I suppose I may never know whether I am delusional or not. After all, how could any of this be proved beyond doubt of the most hardened sceptic? On the other hand, so many things suggest I am not delusional. Not least the fact that so many other people independently believe they are also otherkin. And even more convincing, that some people have independently verified memories I have of another world. Some of these memories match in every detail. And sometimes it's just a gut feeling, an inner "knowing" that however much I doubt and keep on searching for "a rational alternative" I keep coming back to this one idea, the one thing that makes complete sense of everything I have learned and experienced in the past 16 years. In the end it's just a matter of faith. I can't prove what I believe any more than a Christian can prove the existence of Christ, but my faith in what I believe is no less than theirs.

So, as far as I am concerned, I have stopped caring if I am delusional, or even if I am insane. By standards of modern psychiatry I am sure I would be classified as insane on more than one count, but since I am fully functional in society, able to work, able to hold down normal relationships with ordinary people, able to pass as normal, then it is not a problem for me or for anyone else. OK I may be regarded as a little eccentric by some people, but then I'm British. We're supposed to be eccentric!

Maybe one day you will get that clue-by-four you are waiting for. Or maybe your understanding will grow more slowly. Or maybe you'll realise your own personal Truth lies elsewhere. But I think if you are looking for incontrovertible proof you will be disappointed. Sometimes, you just need to take a leap of faith.

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