h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*glares and struggles helplessly*

*Takes note of the various hallways and stairways and elevators and trap doors that the group is led through.*

OOC post you fools post

*RD doggedly continues to march through the Towers until the party enters a vast atrium styled very closely on the entrance hall to Megadodo publications. The atrium is congested with researchers bringing in reports and draft entries for the guide. Many of them are arguing with security and reception personnel. On the far wall is single lift door surrounded by a golden bas-relief depicting likenesses of the italics. An "MM" device features heavily in the filigree work surrounding the bas-relief, on the fine marble flooring and and lift fittings and carpets*

*RD enters the lift with Sarge in tow and presses the button marked "penthouse suite"*

*everyone else hurries in to join*

*pauses while struggling to admire the internal workings of the towers*

*resumes struggling*

*resumes following silently, wondering where the rest of the cats are...*

*the lift doors start to close sedately and a computerised voice starts a welcome routine*

[lift] Welcome to the personal vertical ascent device of the Chairman and CEO of the Moxon Corporation. Your journey to the CEO's offices will start shortly and will take approximately 30 minutes. During this time you will be entertained by a personal message from Mr Moxon himself accompanied by background music from his personal collection started with an extended play version of "the girl from Ipanema".

[all] OH MY GOD !!!!

*covers ears with hands, slumping to the floor, moaning softly*

Maybe I should look for SG or sea or *anyone*

[computerised voice] ... and then in 1999 we restructured the organisation to be more proactive and customer orientated whilst preserving the essential values of a focused and committed service company. The advantages of a vertically integrated non-silo management structure were obvious to me and was implemented with focus and emphasis on the need to maintain key performance targets and high levels of customer satisfaction. In 2000 under my personal leadership we launched our new flagship product range to enhance our revenue stream ....

[all] arrrrgghhhhh !!!!!

*UH headbutts the speakers. then WONDERS WHERE THE OTHERS ARE*

[liftmusic] Tall and tanned and young and lovely, The girl from Ipanema goes walking, And when she passes, Each one she passes, Goes ....

[all] ... arrgghhhhh !!!

*Opens the little cupboard with the phone in it. Picks up the receiver and waits for someone to answer. A few moments pass, then a voice comes on the line.*

Voice: Yes, elevator 13, do you have an emergency?

BBW: Yes. We need the sound turned off in here.

*BBW holds the phone away from his ear and looks at the receiver.*

Whoa, I guess this doesn't constitute an emergency. Third time this week, he says, amongst other words.

*BBW hangs up and is about to close the cupboard, when the phone rings. BBW picks it up, says "Hello", then listens for a moment. He says "just a moment" and turns to UH, extending the phone to him.*

It's for you, Uncle Heavy. It's the smartbomb.

*hisses* tell it im not here! im...uh...im in kazakstan! yes! and ive been buried alive under 60 foot of concrete!

*the elevator brakes sharply and the commentary ceases. At the sound of a loud *ping* the doors slide effortlessly open to the office suite of the CEO, Chairman and Editor of H2G2 ..... the Mighty Mark Moxon*

*As the group of researchers exit the lift they cast their eyes around the room taking in the ornately carved and gilded window frames, the purbeck marble floors, the impossibly high ceilings with their own indoor weather system, the bank upon bank of superfast cray computers and in the middle like a set from an old James Bond movie is the editors chair*

*more like a throne this seat is carved from a single giant gemstone and is repleat with zebra skin cushions for personal comfort and rests on a raised dias which is carpeted in more fur died a shade of Imperal purple (no one ever said powerful people had any taste)*

*the chair is temptingly empty*

Ooo get a load of this chaps

*Speaks into the phone, distractedly.*

Uh, he says he's not here. Something about a live concrete thing with 60 feet. Gotta go now, bye.

*As BBW reaches to hang up the phone, words flow out of the reciever:*

...die without him. I'll blow myself up if he doesn't...

*BBW steps out of the elevator.*

Wow, would ya look at that chair.

*Quickly looks around the room and sees no one but those who were on the elevator. Walks over to the throne and sits down. Looks imperiously at Red Dog.*

Peel me a grape, will you.

suits you BBW.

*notices monitoring equipment by the windows*

Hey, look at this stuff - it's the central nexus. Here's the moderation controls .... we could play havoc with the whole of h2g2 from here. Lets zap a few of Captain Venom's postings for a giggle eh .

*hits a few buttons and a siren goes off*

Oooops !

*rams RD from behind, so he falls away from the controls*

*yells down a microphone*

Help! HEEEEEEEeelp....

*Quickly jerks around in his chair at Sarge's cry. His arm bumps the arm of the chair, causing it to swing open, revealing a control panel. BBW eyes the panel and stabs at a random button. A net falls out of the ceiling and lands on an "x" marked in the carpet in front of the chair. BBW stabs another button. A trap door opens to the left of the net. BBW tries again. A spear flys across the room and thunks into the opposite wall. BBW begins to grin and hits another button. Speakers come to life in the room:*

Help! HEEEEEEEeelp

*BBW hits the button beside the last one and the sound is suddenly cut off. BBW grins and eyes the other buttons, finger poised.*

I am no longer fighting the war
Sorry

Sorry to see you go

*cringes when her shouting was heard around the room*

*now, she glares carefully at the buttons by BBW's han...erm, paw*