Agony Aunt

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Dear Agony Aunt,

I have a stinker of a problem for you. My husband has grown far too attached to a pair of socks with a picture of Mickey Mouse neatly embroidered at the front. He will not take them off under any circumstances, and they have got to the stage of living their own life. How do you suggest I go about prising them off his feet... I really can't stand to see those smug little eyes on Mickey following my every move!


Gas-Mask Gertie

Dear Mask,

What you need to do is purchase earplugs (so you can't hear the screaming socks), a crowbar and a pair of vice grips. (Make sure you have the washer filled, and the lid up before you begin.) First place the earplugs in your ears, then catch your husband while he is sleeping and hit him over the head with the crowbar to ensure he stays asleep. Next take the vice grips and grab hold of Mickey's nose. Once you have him by the nose, pull quick and hard, then run
as fast as you can to the awaiting washer. After you get them into the washer close the lid and place a large rock on top of it to keep him from escaping. You will find that once the offending socks are clean, they will be much easier to handle, and your husband will be none the wiser as he is sure to have concussion from the crow bar.

If this plan fails, why not purchase a pair of Minney Mouse socks and a clothes peg. This will give Mickey someone else to follow around with his smug little eyes and allow you to breathe easier.


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