h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Barton-

>are you suggesting that I should simply resolve that women in general and girls in particular are totally incomprehensible?

Like, DUH!

Arpeggio

Arpeggio,



There was some science fiction writer sometime who wrote a story where the basic premise was that men and women are two mutually independand but symbiotically liked species.

I once drove a lady nearly crazy by maintaining that she and I were of two distinct species and that I was trying to decide which of us was huMAN and which was not. I finally relented when she was beginning to accept what I had started as a satyrical game.

I am only SEMI-willing to accept the hypothesis that women and particularly girls are totally incomprehensible.

And how do you make your capitals DO that?

Barton

OOPS! Make that:

There was some science fiction writer sometime who wrote a story where the basic premise was that men and women are two mutually independant but symbiotically linked species.



Barton

TCH, ahhhh

GO-od, BAR-ton, it's a GI-rul thing. Like, DU-uh? And it's like, an AUditory thing? Like, I'm a SOUND energy being, fer SHURR! It's just writing in DI-alect, so, like whut's so HARD? GE-eez!

Like VAL-ley gi-ruls? They were inVENted when this body was, like in HIGH school? So we all HAD to be able to IMitate them, DU-uh? TCH, ahhhh

You never had a DAUghter DID you? GO-od. You are so dePRIVed! I don't EVen belIEve it? Born a boy, and no GI-ruls, TCH, ahhhh, GO-od, that is SUCH a bUMmer... TCH, ahhhh Like, no WONder he's so WEI-urd? Ber-oth-ER! GUYS...! TCH, ahhhh.

Like, yer probly going to have to ask CAN-dy to pronounce 'TCH, ahhhh' for you? SHE'll know... it's a GI-rul thing?

Arpeggio -- like, DOn't try this if you're a GUY, 'cuz you might, like SPRAIN yourself? I'm a proFESSional? But if you need to hear this proNOUnced, ask your like, WIFE, or DAUghter, or EVen like, your MO-om... ANyway...

I know that sound and I can even pronounce it. I just can't describe it without getting moderated.

What I have never been able to do is speak valley-speak. There's something about the rhythm. I knew what you were doing, but I can't do it. Well maybe I could, on top of a very non-pc 'gay' accent. But that isn't valley that's a club act.

You want to try something funny that most people won't get. Sing, "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy" with a Yiddish accent. To turn it into a club act, add a back up group with Irish, French, Itallian, and Southern (Your choice, but Georgia seems to work well) voices and give them each a solo take at the microphone. Nobody seems to get it till about the forth time they've heard it. (Supid Theatre Queen Joke.)

Barton

Great entry - except you should probably say that those popular teenage girls are mean to anyone who is different (e.g. me). I know a heap of them, and I do not like them one bit.

EEWWW, ohmiGOD, it's DIFfrent from UH-us?? Like, that is so WEI-urd. Why would ANybody want to be DIFfrent frum UH-us?

I know exactly what you mean. I was always smarter than they, and they made me a Miserable Person until about the age of 15, when I twisted off and became a Punker (1976, that was). Then they didn't HAVE a category for me, beyond 'too weird to live', which was fine. Then, I proved that I was not only smarter, but at least as mean, and much less likely to feel bad about hurting one of them, after having been at the bottom of the hill (sh*t rolls downhill) for so long. Revenge was not especially sweet. It was there. I was almost 'happy' in a really grim, nihilistic Punk way, the last two years of school. They rilly didn't know which way to run.

Heh. heh. heh.

I'd just like to say, if you're going through that now, remember, the hair-spray's already caused drain-bamage. And they'll all have three divorces by my age, while you, never having been shallow, will probably not get seriously involved with the wrong person, for hir 'Future Earning Potential, or "FEP"' as it was called by those girls at my college.

Out of my class of 40, I may not be sane, but I am happy, and that's more than the little socialites can claim!

Arpeggio, for LeKZ

*big hug for arpeggio* thank you, darling! it's so nice to have someone support me... *grin* *writes mental note to go read all of arpeggio's guide entries*

niwt- they're mean to me too, if it makes you feel any better. all you can do is remember that they're so much worse off than you are, i mean, who would want to be watched ALL THE TIME? those girls have more enemies than they have friends.

barton- i'd totally believe that men and women were different species. after having seen some of the stupid things men do, and seeing a LOT of the stupid things women do (i myself am wearing 3 inch platform heels as i type- killer on the feet, but they look FABULOUS) i have come to believe that somewhere along the line we all went absolutely crazy, and now we all act irrationally all the time. *grin*

Sea,

If you have the courage to post *anything* after the way you and your work, to say nothing of your *religion* were insulted, you are purely inspiring!

And I also, it so happens, love the entry.

Wading eyeball deep in turkey-droppings just now...
Arpeggio, for LeKZ
Seriously proud of you!

(Most of the Whole Story can be found under 'Cheek, Gall, etc' at my 'space', if you suffer from a morbid sense of curiosity...)

There's nothing wrong with different, and if you've been involved in theatre then you fully understand what different means and what a vital asset it is.

Just for the record, ladies. During my undergraduate years, I was the only male, honorary member of the Green Room Tacky B***h Society. An honor for which I have always been duly humble.

I have on three ocasions been chosen to play female roles and, standing 6'5" and, then weighing 220# give or take a few, it was not always or even mostly for laughs. I learned an awful lot of fairly superficial things about women but but the aspects of women that have nothing to do with clothing or presentation are what have always fascinated me. Naturally, there is no hope of understanding the transition from girl-child to woman is the among the strangest of the mysteries.

I just wish you both weren't so adamant that this is what it's REAly like. Scary.

Barton

I haven't minded being different ever since I gave up trying to be the same

Niwt,

May I use that line? Can you tell me to whom I should ascribe it? That is one of those little gems of wisdom that I'd love to use at my website!

Arpeggio, for LeKZ

What? Um..okay, whatever

There's a journal entry sort of about it on my space

barton- this isn't what it's really like for everyone. just those ten girls out of 2000 who constitute the "popular" group in a given high school. the rest of us are much more human.

i'd think that it would be better to learn about women by talking to them in person instead of reading a guide entry. just a thought.

I hadn't imagine that it was the same for all, nothing seems to be.

As far as your suggestion goes, there is a slight problem there.

You see I am a man. So when I talk to women, I can't exactly ask them how it is different from being a man to being a woman. And she would be equally handicapped.

There are a relatively small group of transexuals who can talk about some of the physical issues but only some of them.

Pychologically, those folks can talk about how it was to know they were in the wrong body when it was male and how much better it is to be in as close to a female body as medical science can manage. (The same is of course true for the reverse situation.)

But none of them grew up as women in female bodies. They can certainly extrapolate, and some of those extrapolations are insightful and useful.

But the simple fact is that a man and a woman cannot ever really appreciate the distinctions except from the outside. And, let's face it, if that were really useful, men and women would have been able to stop speculating thousands of years ago.

It seems that it is just going to be one of the frustrations of life that people are going to have to keep guessing about key differences and their effects on world view and psychology till some better way of understanding the distinction comes along.

I like to think of it as a way to keep us humble in the face of the unknown and unknowable. How can we pretend to real understanding when there is this tremendous mytery sitting right next to us?

Still, I can't help wanting to peek across the dividing line.

Barton

believe me, i understand... *grin*

title changed, btw

I take it this is the stereotypical American teenage female, yes? It's just that in England, the accent's a bit different.

By the way - I am in the 'too weird to live' category, but people don't seem to mind. The irony is that people think that I'm only pretending to be slightly odd in the head.

hehehe, me too, em...

and yes, american. maybe i should add that...

pretty good. It didnt make me laugh but that dont mean I didnt enjoy it a little.

If anyone doesnt think this is "real" enough for the guide, read the article on alcohol.