Halloween in the Hills

Old Lizzie McCorkl had a sharp nose and a sharper tongue, but the claims that she was a witch were, for the most part, exaggerated. That didn’t keep Harvey Breakwater and his cronies in Possum Bluff from believing it, of course.

Before we go any farther, I should tell you that Harvey is married to my mother’s sister Hattie. That’s how I happen to know the details of this story. I’m not saying that Aunt Hattie is a gossip, but…well, okay, Aunt Hattie is a gossip.

Autumn is a mighty pretty time of year in the Ozarks. Our broad leaf forests put on quite a show for us before dropping their leaves for the winter. One of the traditional fall exercises for the kids in Miss Richardson’s third grade class at Irving Elementary School is to collect leaves that have turned colors – oak and maple and sassafras – and then iron them between layers of waxed paper to preserve them in preparation for decorating the classroom for the annual Halloween party. It’s frequently said in Possum Bluff that no one irons a leaf like Rosetta Richardson.

It was the October that Cousin Floyd’s first son by his second wife, the lovely Billie Belle Babson Breakwater, was in third grade that the events in this story take place. Well, the boy, Billy Bob Breakwater, actually spent two years in third grade. It happened his first year as a third grader.

You need to know that although Uncle Harvey wasn’t fond of Billie Belle, he was mighty partial to Billy Bob, seeing as how he was his first grandson and all. And like he always said, he felt so sorry for the boy, growing up with a mother like Billie Belle.

"I just feel so sorry for the lad, growing up with a mother like Billie Belle. What the hell was Floyd thinking?"

"Hush, Harvey. Billy Bob’s gonna hear you one of these days."

"How is he gonna hear me, Hattie? He’s outside pickin’ sassafras leaves for that crazy Miss Rosetta to iron. He’s got enough troubles without some dingy old maid turnin’ him into a leaf picker."

"Floyd picked leaves for Miss Rosetta and it didn’t hurt him none."

"Well, something hurt him or he wouldn’t have left Willadean to shack up with a lug nut like Billie Belle."

"Now, Harvey. If she suits Floyd, she suits me."

"Well she sure as hell don’t suit me! You know what’s wrong with her, don’t you? It’s that McCorkl blood she inherited from her mamma. They’re witches, those McCorkl women. Especially Old Lizzie."

"Lizzie McCorkl ain’t smart enough to be a witch, Harvey."

Uncle Harvey was inclined to agree, and they both had a good laugh. Just then Billy Bob came in the back door and deposited several brown paper lunch sacks full of colored leaves on the kitchen table.

"Lookie here, Grandma. Miss Rosetta will have a fine time ironing these leaves."

Aunt Hattie peeked inside the sacks then ruffled Billy Bob’s blond curls. "You did right fine. Miss Rosetta will be happy to get these."

"Mamma says no one irons a leaf like Miss Rosetta."

Uncle Harvey decided it was time to change the subject. "So, Billy Bob, have you picked out your costume for Halloween? Let’s see, last year you were a pirate. What’s it gonna be this time? Something creepy and disgusting, I’ll bet."

"Nah, Grandpa, I’m gonna be Luke Skywalker." With that he pranced around the kitchen with his imaginary light saber making mincemeat of Old Duke and several chair legs.

"Well, in that case your Grandpa can dress up as a Wookie and go trick-or-treatin’ with you." Aunt Hattie and Billy Bob had a good laugh over that one.

"Did you hear about the party, Grandpa? It’s gonna be at Aunt Lizzie’s. Mamma says it’s gonna be the bestest Halloween party ever. And it ain’t gonna be over till midnight! Mamma says that’s because midnight is the witchin’ hour. You can’t end a party before the witchin’ hour. Specially not on a Saturday."

Just then Floyd pulled up in the driveway and honked the horn. Billy Bob grabbed his brown paper lunch sacks and headed out the door. "Bye Grandma! Bye Grandpa!"

"Bye Billy Bob!"

Uncle Harvey didn’t start to worry until later on that night when he went to check his still. He had located it in a well-hidden spot about half way up Jubal’s Mountain. From his vantage point he could see the back of Lizzie McCorkl’s house. Old Lizzie had never had a Halloween party before, so why in thunder was she having one this year? There had to be something witchy going on. He thought that it might be a good idea to spend Halloween night on the mountain with a pair of binoculars and a shotgun.

His concerns for Billy Bob’s safety increased after Clem and Clyde Watkins informed him that they had seen Lula Belle Babson, Billie Belle’s mamma, at the Price Cutter in Bentonville buying a new butcher knife and some clothesline rope. Lula Belle also had a large box of Moon Pies in her buggy, according to Clyde, and Uncle Harvey knew that Moon Pies were Billy Bob’s favorite after school treat. They were going to lure the boy with Moon Pies, tie him up with the clothesline rope and then cut out his heart at the stroke of midnight and offer it up to the devil. He just knew it.

He worried and he fretted until he made himself sick. He knew if he told Aunt Hattie about his suspicions, she would blab it all over Possum Bluff and alert Lizzie McCorkl who would promptly cast a curse over him. Uncle Harvey was happy as a man and had no desire to live out the remainder of his life as a newt. Plus, if he was going to rescue Billy Bob he would need the element of surprise.

He couldn’t tell Floyd, either. Floyd would never believe anything bad about Billie Belle. He was certain that Billie Belle had cast a spell over Floyd, turning him into her love slave. He didn’t know why he hadn’t figured that out sooner. It was just so obvious. That’s probably how all the McCorkl women got their husbands.

Uncle Harvey knew he needed some help. He couldn’t take on a coven of witches hell-bent on human sacrifice by himself. He couldn’t depend on Clem and Clyde staying sober enough to stay awake until midnight, so he got in the DeSoto and made the three hour drive into Poplar Bluff to talk to his cousin Ralphie.

The Reverend Ralph Breakwater had been the pastor of the Poplar Bluff Evangelical Church of the Risen Lord for nearly ten years. Normally Harvey wouldn’t have asked Ralphie for help, seeing as how Ralphie always preached at him about giving up cursing, moonshine and poker, and Harvey was, quite frankly, tired of hearing it. But desperate situations call for desperate measures.

Sometimes fate, or divine providence as Ralphie prefers to call it, takes a hand in human affairs. Harvey knocked on the parsonage door just as Ralphie was finishing writing a long sermon on the evils of Halloween and how it was a pagan holiday where wanton witches danced naked in the woods around bonfires and made pacts with the devil and had carnal relations with goats. Ralphie listened to Harvey’s story and then, with a tear in his eye – the good eye, not the glass one – he fell to his knees and thanked Jesus for placing this trust in him, His humble servant and promised to save the child so he could grow up to do the Lord’s work. Hallelujah!

Ralphie started making phone calls and, Praise God, before long he had eight good men who were ready and willing to drive to Possum Bluff the next night and rescue Billy Bob Breakwater from the clutches of Lizzie McCorkl . Uncle Harvey was so relieved that he voluntarily agreed to stop cursing and to give up his Friday night poker games down at the VFW. He even said he’d think about retiring the still. He bawled, and Ralphie sobbed, and they both thanked Jesus, and then they bawled and sobbed some more.

Uncle Harvey drove back to Possum Bluff with a light heart. He was still so overcome with relief that his precious grandson would be saved that he didn’t even cuss when the left front tire of the DeSoto blew out and he had to put on the spare. He got back in Possum Bluff in time for the Friday night poker game, but to Aunt Hattie’s astonishment, he spent the evening at home with her reading his Bible. She was so concerned that she called Floyd and told him that his daddy had apparently lost his mind.

Halloween night was overcast and dark and the men on Jubal’s Mountain had a hard time seeing what was happening at the McCorkl house. Uncle Harvey had led them to a location a little away from the still where he told them they would have a better vantage point. His mind wasn’t that far gone.

Ralphie, remembering the scene in Patton where George C. Scott asked the chaplain to pray for good weather, fell to his knees and besought the Almighty to part the clouds and give them a clearer vision of the evil below. I think all of the men, including Ralphie, were sort of hoping that the dancing naked around a bonfire would take place any minute, and none of them wanted to miss it.

When 11:15 rolled around and there was no sign of a bonfire, Ralphie concluded that given the nature of the evening, with the planned sacrifice and all, that the witches had decided not to go outside and call attention to themselves. He said that if the sacrifice of little Billy Bob was scheduled to take place at midnight, then they had better storm the house no later than 11:50……just in case the clocks at the McCorkl house were running fast.

At 11:25 the men joined hands and prayed for success and asked for the Lord’s protection. Then they checked to make sure their shotguns and rifles were loaded and began the descent down the mountain.

They were in for a spot of luck as Lizzie had locked her dogs up in the barn, it being Halloween and her not wanting them to bark at her guests as they were arriving. So the party was able to approach the house without alerting those inside to their presence. Half of the men went to the back of the house and half of them went to the front. At exactly 11:50 the Reverend Ralph Breakwater shouted "Jesus Saves!" and all ten men rushed into the house.

The members of the Possum Bluff Crafty Quilters Circle, thinking that they were besieged by a group of crazed lunatics, which of course they were, screamed and ran in various directions. Lizzie made it into her bedroom, locked the door and called the sheriff. Lula Belle and Billie Belle hurried into another bedroom to protect Billy Bob, who was sound asleep on the bed.

Granny McCorkl, who was 95, took her cane to one of the men and beat him so severely that he dropped his shotgun which discharged and sprayed buckshot all over the dining room wall, breaking a nice 16 X 20 glass framed picture of Jesus surrounded by children. Her close friend, Madeleine Parker, tripped Ralphie and sat on top of him where she proceeded to bounce her 200 pounds up and down on his stomach screaming "Lord have mercy! Lord have mercy!"

At the sound of gunfire, Lula Belle opened the bedroom window, climbed out and ran screaming up the lane toward the approaching sheriff’s car. She told the deputy that a band of survivalists had apparently gone crazy and had attacked the quilting circle and intended to kill all of them. The sheriff’s deputy radioed for backup and within 5 minutes the sounds of sirens could be heard all over Possum Bluff.

By the time the sheriff arrived the men were all handcuffed and seated in a circle outside near the road. He asked them to explain themselves and then listened in disbelief as first Uncle Harvey and then the Reverend Ralph Breakwater told the story of the attempted rescue of little Billy Bob Breakwater from a coven of devil-worshiping witches.

Sheriff Parker ordered the men taken to jail and then went inside and escorted his mother and grandmother home. Years later he was heard to remark that it was the worst case of quilter abuse he had ever witnessed.

All ten men were forced to spend the night in the county jail. By the time the case was settled, Ralphie had been asked to leave the Poplar Bluff Evangelical Church of the Risen Lord and Uncle Harvey was nearly $5,000 poorer as a result of fines and paying to replace Lizzie’s dining room wall and the picture of Jesus with the little children. His resolve to stop cussing, gambling and drinking was as shattered as the Reverend Ralph Breakwater’s reputation.

It was over a year before Floyd would speak to him again and Billie Belle still refuses to have him in her house. Aunt Hattie took it all pretty much in stride as is her nature, and Billy Bob is still mad that he slept through it all. The trauma of the night’s events is thought to be the reason Billy Bob had to repeat third grade, but Uncle Harvey claims it was because Miss Rosetta needed him to collect sassafras leaves for her to iron.

As for the Possum Bluff Crafty Quilters Circle, they never had another Halloween party. But they did create a quilt detailing the events of that night. It hangs proudly on the official club quilt rack that they bought as part of the settlement with Uncle Harvey.

Further Reading

If you enjoyed reading this story, why not take a look at Halloween in the Edited Guide?