ParanoiaPost - Issue 1
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
This is a past issue of ParanoiaPost. Read the latest issue here.
Issue 1 - 6th November 2000
Hi and welcome to the first issue of a new h2g2 newspaper, the ParanoiaPost.
More will follow soon, but I don't want to give away too much yet, or they'll get me.
Douglas Adams Is Actually DeadNote: I've removed this article for reasons of good taste, following Douglas Adams' death. - Peregrin
h2g2 Is A Secret Government Initiative To Get Rid Of Insane People
Have you noticed that h2g2 tends to attract a certain type of person? Quite frankly, you are all a load of lunatics. That's right: h2g2 attracts insane people.
The British Government is actually running h2g2. They are using it to group together all the insane people in Britain; by 2002 they plan h2g2 meetups to attract so many researchers that all the nutters in Britain will be in the same place.
Then an 'accident' involving a stray donkey, a carrot, and a thermonuclear explosive device is planned to wipe out all of us. Be warned! When you're scattered across London in thousands of little bits, don't blame me!
Picture: h2g2 model displays latest design of h2g2 T-shirt, available from the h2g2 shop.
Next Release Of Ripley Contains Web Cam Controlling Code
A recent leak from h2g2 Towers reveals that the upcoming release of the Ripley server contains a horrifying and illegal piece of code.
The informant, who would only give the name Ray Bawise, told the ParanoiaPost that the code, which infiltrates your computer through a security bug in Internet Explorer, detects if your computer controls a webcam. If so, complete control of the webcam is achieved and images are broadcast back to the Towers.
The unique section of code has the ability to detect when you are undressing, and will switch your computer on, connect to the internet, and start broadcasting immediately.
Both PC and Mac users are in danger of being watched, but users of the Netscape browser are safe (and only have the mind-controlling virus to worry about). If the user does not own a webcam, the code has the ability to log on to Jungle.com and order one for you, using your credit card.
We can only assume that the programmers at h2g2 are sick perverted wierdos, but we knew that anyway.
Robbie McIntosh Puts Anarchic Subliminal Messages In His Songs
Robbie McIntosh, the famous musician who has the acclaimed album Unsung published by h2g2 Ltd, has today been accused of warping millions of minds with his subliminal messaging.
When played backwards, a number of his songs reveal anarchic messages. The listener does not notice these consiously while listening to the music forwards, but subconsiously takes the messages in, and after a while, begins forming similar political opinions.
As an example, listen to this clip from Robbie McIntosh's song Sitting on Top of the World:
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