h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Gwennie ambles up to Kumabear's shack, ties her three dogs up outside and knocks on the door. She is carrying an enormous piece of honeycomb*

Yoohoo! Is anyone home?

*hammering sounds come from roof*

I'm up here. Fixing a leak.


*sniff. sniff*

Honey?

Yes, dear?

*Phillipa, Mari-rae's useful niece, arrives just behind Gwennie. She is carrying a huge basket overflowing with baked goods, jams and honeys, useful coupons for the Village Shops, a six pack of cold Heineken's, and a note that says "Welcome" in shaky, but legible handwriting.*

Kumabear! Hi! Please come down off that roof and greet your guests, but be careful not to fall!

Hi Phillipa! Gosh! Well your basket certainly puts my bit of honeycomb to shame!

*Embarassed*
Its just the standard Welcome basket that everyone gets. Do you know this person, Gwennie? He has a nice beard.

Actually, he looks rather hairy all over!

*Regards Kumabear's handy work*

Are you certain that'll fix a leak?

*finishes stapling dried salmon to hole in roof*


No comments from the peanut gallery! I'm a professional! A fish is a perfectly good patch!

Yes, but a bit smelly though!!!

*Curls her nose up at the thought*

*Takes a step or two backward.*

Er, um, well.

~Whispers to Gwennie~ Is he all right?

Well, down the right side, at least!

*A bucket of fish lands on Gwennies head wit a splat*


OOPS! did I do that?

*Glares up at Kumabear through a soggy mass of hair and fish tails*

Thanks! Is this some kind of new hair treatment or are you always this hospitable to your visitors?

*Philippa stifles a giggle as she gingerly removes a large fish from the front of Gwennie shirt at the same time pinching her nose with her free hand*

Phew! You could have been using fresh fish, Kumabear! I smell as if I've been using Eau de Poisson Mort!

*A swarm of wasps decide they like the smell of fish emanating from Gwennie and converge on her*

OWWW! GERROFF!

*Leaps around trying to avoid the attentions of the wasps*

*Shrieks and jumps to the side, upsetting the ladder that Kumbear was climbing down on. He spills to the ground and rolls onto fish parts and the honeycomb. The wasps descend on him. Phillipa shrieks, drops the welcome basket and the jam jar breaks, throwing jam up all over her. The wasps like the jam too, and attack! The three figures run in circles, swatting at the wasps and yelping.*

Eeek! Eeek! Eeek!

*dives in the kiddie-pool to find that there is no water in it.*

AAARRRGGHH!!! Quick! Into the Shack!!!

Eeek! Eeek! Eeek!

*Phillipa is running in circles with her hands flapping over her head.*

*Suddenly Phillipa runs away down the street. She is still shrieking as she goes.*

Damn! Look at her go!

*Relaxes as the last of the wasps converge on the rapidly retreating figure of Philippa and casually picks a fish tail from her hair*

Wow! Olympics or bust, hey?

So...Kumabear, how are we going to reassemble you this time? At the moment, I've got us searching for a plant lady with magic powers (reference to Lyeka in "Lexx" and how she restored Xev). What do you think? Perhaps you would like me to resort to the reliable old staple gun and glue again!