h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*See: http://www.h2g2.com/F44375?thread=87270&post=762585 for an explanation* *At the dead of night, Bluebottle approaches the back of the alabaster house, grappel and hook in hand. After pausing to check the lack of security, he throws the hook to the top of the roof, where it catches on an ornamental ornament. AFter tugging on the line to make sure it is secure, Bluebottle starts his assent to the top.*

*pushes from behind*

*Gradually and slowly, Bluebottle climbs up the rope, and after a lot of effort, climbs to the roof.
Where he waits to see who else is climbing up, ready to give a hand to anyone who needs it.*

<BB<

Help me up!

*reaches for BB's hand*

Sorry, accidentally slipped into my secret disguise - again?!

*Grabs the noticeboard out of Titania's hands and rests it on the top of the roof, and then holds Titania firmly and pulls her to safety.*
I wouldn't climb buildings whilst carrying a noticeboard like that - it can easily lead to disaster.
So, shall we wait to catch our breath and see if anyone else tags along?

<BB<

Good idea! *tries to see through the darkness to see if they are being watched*

The noticeboard? Could be useful to hide behind if they turn the searchlights on us...

*suddenly twenty extremely loud sirens sound, six helicopters appear as if from nowhere, and teams of commandos abseil from them onto the Alabaster House roof. Bright searchlights shine over the Alabaster House. Iron bars snap up over every window. Automatic machine guns appear out of the lawn. A nuclear missile is primed and ready for launch.*

*The flag stealing party nearly have heart attacks.*

*A ear-splittingly loud speaker commands: 'There is a cockroach on the north-west wing of The Alabaster House! Destroy it! Now!'*

*The commandos run to the north-west part of the roof and viciously attack a poor little cockroach which had mistakenly wandered onto the roof. The area is sprayed with pesticide, the commandos climb back into the helicopters, they buzz off, the sirens stop, the searchlights turn off, and the machine guns lower back into the lawn. As an afterthought, a clerk turns off the nuclear missile automatic countdown as well.*

*Through all this, nobody actually noticed the flag stealing party...*

Hmmm... that security device could be a problem...
If only I could remember the code that turns the alarm system off... I'm pretty sure it is 1 2 3 4 5.
I'll try it and see.

<BB<

May I just ask, why is the Vice President stealthily attacking the Alabaster House?
I'm sure he has the legastative powers to remove the flag on command...

(Did you follow the link I left in the very first post - it pretty much takes you to the exact post in the previous forum that explains all the actions here)

*recovering from shock* Ohhh... poor cockroach...

BB, don't listen to him, he's just trying to talk you out of it!

Hmm...
I think that the security devices are DNA coded anyway, so they should recognise my DNA as that of the Vice President and not attack, and as you are with me, you'll be safe too... Just don't wonder off, okay?

Now - about that flagpole...

<BB<

* there is a strange, but quiet, sound, and one of the roof access doors opens quietly. A dark figure emerges and sneaks across the roof to where Bluebottle and Titania are standing. The figure, upon close inspection, can be seen to be MaW *

Why did you climb up the outside? I just came through my office, which has a portal through my Ministry. Nobody noticed me, because I've learned this rather neat trick one of the penguins worked out.

* abruptly, he vanishes. His voice emerges from mid-air *

Pretty neat, huh?

* he reappears *

Well, this was going to be an ultra-cool burglary with stunts, the "Mission: Impossible" soundtrack and deeds of daring do, proving once and for all that no-one can get between a man and his flag...
...So, if a job's worth doing, it's worth doing the hard way.

*Walks along the long roof of the Alabaster house, and arrives at a McDonalds halfway along.*
Anyone fancy a ?

<BB<

* a few moments later, something bleeps. MaW pulls out a pager and reads the screen *

Oh damn it! There's been a probability collapse at the Ministry. I've got to go and sort it out - apparently all the walls have changed into jelly, and the building's about to collapse. Sorry!

* he runs off, leaping over the edge of the roof. There is a thunderclap and a flash of light, then silence. *

* then there's another thunderclap, and a rather bemused-looking penguin is standing near Bluebottle's left foot. It's a small penguin, only about a metre high, and amazingly cute. It waddles over to Bluebottle and waves its flippers, then writes something on a notepad and holds it up with a torch so it can be read. It says: Need any help? *

I don't this is the right time for ...

*BB, Titania and cute penguin advance towards flag*

* the penguin trips over his immensely cute but somewhat impracticle feet. He stands up and sets to walking with renewed vigour before tripping over again. Trying once more, he succeeds in crossing the rooftop without falling over once *

Thanks for the offer, little guy - at the moment we're just crossing the roof to the flag pole...
...where I'll have to decide whether or not to climb to the very top of the pole, or simply cut the ropes and let the flag fall..

As I've come this far, I'll climb to the top - be the first person to stand on the button of the Alabaster House flag pole - quite an achievement.

As long as I'm not pushed off

<BB<

*picks up cute penguin, a bit worried that some part of the security system will detect those small sounds of and caused by a penguin tripping over his own feet*