He and she were sitting together one evening. He could tell there was a problem, but that she didn't want to talk about it. So he asked...

He: "What are you thinking about?"

She: "Oh, nothing."

He: "Come on, it's something. What is it?"

She: "Well, it's about... text."

He: "Oh, not again."

She: "Don't be like that. You don't understand. Women need text. It's a fundamental fact of life."

He: "Surely you don't want texts ALL the time?"

She: "Well, yes, actually. I do. When we first started seeing each other, we had loads of texts. It seemed like I was getting a little buzz every half an hour. I thought you were a total text machine."

He: "But there's more to life than just text, text and more text."

She: "That's easy for you to say, because you don't really care about texts. You don't even really need texts."

He: "No, hang on, that's not fair. Anyway, sometimes I send out textual messages and don't get a response."

She: "Gimme a break. I can't always pick up those signals, and in any case, I'm not ALWAYS turned on."

He: "I like text though. I like text with you."

She: "Obviously not as much as I do. It used to be thirty or forty times a day, now it's down to once or twice a week."

He: "Well, that's about the average amount of text for people who've been going out as long as we have."

She: "I don't give a damn about the average. I want more text."

He: "That's all you ever think about, is text."

She: "Only because I'm not GETTING any."

He: "But men want text to MEAN something, not just casual text. And if you stopped pestering me I'd be more inclined to do it."

She: "If you did it more, I wouldn't have to pester you. "

He: "But you always want disgusting, kinky texts, all that SMS stuff, and I just want normal text. You pervert."

She: "I'm not a pervert. It's perfectly normal. What's not normal is your aversion to text. I think we should see a text therapist."

He: "I'm not discussing our text life with a stranger!"

She: "In that case, you can just shove it up your arse!"

He: "No way! That's where I draw the line. I am NOT doing anal text."