h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My 'geekiness' does not extend to computers, and how to make h2g2 entries look nice. Nevertheless, I know a bit about Hi-Fi, and have written a general introduction to the subject. If, he says advisedly, this entry eventually finds its way to the main Guide, many more detailed entries could follow. Be Warned!

http://www.h2g2.com/A444395

Gooday Pheroneous,

My compliments to you on this fine piece, a great intro to Hi-Fi if ever I read one. But I liked your cement article even better: that is a sure-fire edited entry. take care,

Walter.

Thanks, Wal. Unfortunately, in view of the subject matter, I was unable to bring a certain 'lightness of touch' to this one. Hi-Fi is essentially boring, unlike cement! Do you, btw have an idea what happens to these entries once, as CEMENT seems to have been, they are accepted into the processing department, wherever that may be? I have a yearning, that only acceptance can satisfy!

Hi again Pheroneous,

I think you do yourself an injustice. The 'easy read' was exactly what appealed to me in the Hi Fi article. I have a fetish for cement and anything written about it is certain to arouse, exhilarate and stimulate me. To the extent that I am capable of looking at anything written about cement objectively, I thought it was a terrrific article. I read it to my beloved in bed last evening.

Sorry, I am absolutely clueless about the process for entries. I have tried to follow it, because I want to write an article on Labrador Dogs and another on how to get more marks for essays without actually writing better essays (which I am thinking of patenting or whatever it is you do to protect potentially nice little earners), but so far I haven't even worked out how to post it. In matters such as these, I always seek advice from the incomparable Loonytunes, who seems to know all there is to know that is worth knowing.

PS 'Lightness of touch'. I used this very recently: did you just chance to happen upon it, or is there something I should know?

Walter.

G'day guys. What you need to do now with this excellent article is to submit it for acceptance on the peer review page. (You get to it from h2g2's front page). Once you have posted the yarns name and number (a bit like the army) people will read the yarn and suggest improvements (if any).

Eventually an h2g2 Scout will enter the discussion. This is the person who will recommend the yarn be accepted or not. Be nice to him/her. Once it has been accepted it will be sent to a sub editor (like me) who will add the GuideXL (a type of HTML) and generally tidy up the grammar etc. When the sub sends the finished article back to h2g2 it joins a queue waiting its turn to appear in the h2g2 edited guide.

One fine day you will check your email and find a congratulatory note from h2g2 saying your yarn is starring on the front page. When this happens, in my experience, it is best to go to the pub and drink some excellent New Zealand beer. Hope that helps.

You are right about Loonytunes, Wal. Splendid chap! Actually, CEMENT was posted to Peer Review by a scout (An ACE?) and put forward to sub editing, where it has rested quietly since. HI-FI and EAST END I put there myself, (By following the instructions Walter, please try and keep up!) and am now patiently waiting for a nice scout person (are they all people?) to come along and be suitably entranced. (I am not sure the use of 'boring' in my introduction was the wisest thing to do!)

'Lightness of touch' is an aspiration. If I am trying to inform I strive to get the right tone, somewhere between the dry facts and humour that may allow assimilation of at least some knowledge by the previously uninformed.

(I often wonder where words and phrases come from, and constantly surprise myself by writing stuff that must be derivative, but have no conscious idea of how it arrived on the page. It is only in the last few months, due to this internet thingy, that I have come to enjoy writing again, and am finding it truly a pleasure.)

I too have cooed tender words about cement to my dearest. I have also tried some lightness of touch, in a physical sense. Neither strategy has yet met with success, but I shall persevere, encouraged by your own trials of this novel approach.

Check out http://www.h2g2.com/C801 for all your GuideML needs. This is the page that releases all the secrets about the Guides mark-up language. By using it you can add structure to your yarn. You can continue to make upgrades and alterations to articles while they sit on the peer review page.

Gooday Pheroneous,

Loony is a great bloke, isn't he. If you have the time, journey to his page and catch some of his scribblings. Some of his stuff is just hilarious, but he has lightness of touch and sure feel, a super wordsmith.

It is hard to believe that employing lightness of touch has not met with success in relation to your dearest, but it is even more astonishing that bed-time reading - presumably in the most dulcet of tones - of cement tales has as yet failed to, shall we say, break down the barriers. Of course, to those who do not share our passion for cement, the subject can at first, and second, acquaintance be a trifle soporific. Have you thought of say starting with a subject like for instance the Colosseum, and how the Romans generally took up and made such use of cement? Then you could lead into the technical aspects such as constituent ingredients, different mixes for different erections, hardening properties, how it stays up almost forever and so on.

Walter

Good tip, Walter. Partners eyebrows raised at mention of Colosseum, but this was something to do with a chap called Russell Crowe who is, I was led to understand, a little more physically attractive than my good self. Nevertheless, with eyes tight shut and the lights off.....

I possess a volume called 'Mortars and Cements' by Vicat, translated into English by a Captain Smith who adds many fascinating footnotes of his own. This I read in my best Sacha Distel accent (Got a lot to answer for, that chap!). Alas, my fascination is not shared.

The particular cement that interests me most sets hard in just 90 seconds. This facilitates speedy erections of all types, some of which have been around for a couple of hundred years, still standing roud and undamaged. My experiments with this material are, however, confined to my workshop in the cellar, by order.

I shall investigate Mr Loonytune's tips a little later. Wish me luck!

(If and when a scout does happen upon this Hi-Fi entry, he/she is going to be very confused!)

Oh Wal, here am I casting sarcastic remarks about your inability to follow instructions, and all the time I hadn't done what I thought I had done, ie put these two articles away for Peer Review. I apologise.

Anyway, your mate Loonytunes was right, you go to the Peer Review forum, and put in a 'new conversation' for your article on labradors with the number and title as the subject and a link in your intro back to the article. If I can do it...

Mind you, I found 'CEMENT' lurking there, complete with two month old promise that it had been accepted for editing. I wonder if thats par for the course, or whether there are those in the world who dont find cement as fascinating as they should, or whether I should nudge someone awake somewhere? Who knows?

And, I followed Mr Loonytunes link and discovered all about this GuideML thing, and even gave it a try! Didn't work, but I shall persevere. Do you know he has music on his page! Jolly clever I thought. Must think of some tunes to play on CEMENT page!