h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'll have a pint glass, and use the age-old tactic to pour newcy brown without getting head, and without it going flat halfway through

I make such a great bartender. I don't drink any alcohol. It's a whole new world to me!!!

....Perhaps you could give some drinking lessons to other muses, Egon!??

To drink a pint bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale from a pint glass, there are several distinct steps.

STEP 1: Remove top from bottle (very important)

STEP 2: place pint glass (upside down) over top of bottle (so that the top of the glass rests against the side of the bottle just below the neck)

STEP 3: While still holding the pint glass onto the bottle, turn the whole assembly the other way up (So that the glass is now the right way up, with the upside down bottle inside it, touching the bottom of the glass, some of the ale will spill out, leaving a small pool of ale at the bottom of the glass, surrounding the neck of the bottle.

STEP 4: tilt the glass and gradually move the upturned bottle further toward the top of the glass.

STEP 5: When the glass is half full, pull the bottle sharply out of the glass, turning it the correct way up in the process (at this point, it is best to hold on to the pint glass to avoid fatal spillage)

STEP 6: You will now be left with a half full pint glass of Newcastle Brown, and a half full bottle of Newcastle Brown, and the bottle will have all the froth. Start to drink from the glass. (The ale goes flat quicker in the glass than in the bottle)

STEP 7: When you have drunk about a quarter of this half-pint, tilt the glass again and pour some more ale into the pint glass, taking it back up to the half-pint mark.

STEP 8: Repeat step 7 until the botle is empty (apart from the froth, which still should not have found it's way into the glass)

STEP 9: Continue to drink until glass is empty.

STEP 10: Get another bottle

STEP 11: Repeat Steps 1-10 until you are so rip-roaringly that the barman refuses to serve you. Well, both barmen. You are by this point.

STEP 12: Stagger drunkenly home

STEP 13: You have now had so many s that you go to .

STEP 14: Wake up. Feel rather . Ill-advisedly get out of bed. Have a remarkably large and therfore drink lots of

That is how to drink Newcastle Brown ale.

It wasn't bet, that 14 step plan for drinking, was it? I've just put it in as a guide entry at http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A643385 It's not as good as my alcohol and conquering the universe entries, but hey, what can you do?

It's a very nice, much needed contribution...

Now I won't need these notes I took...

good trick.... i just go no glass.....

You need a glass, you say!!??

Oh, the glass is vital.

*Xai finishes off his drink and glances around for a waitress.*

...Heh is yeh glass, Egon seh!!! Eh doo hope yeh enjeh it, neh!!! ::Southern Wink::

(No waitresses, just me )

*The door swings open and a rather large werecat pads into the room and raises a bottle of 1968 Jack Daniels.*

[Freya] Schla! i was wondering where you went to..... giving props to the dead so soon?

*Schlaflosigkeit waves his feline friend over to the booth.*

[Xai] it is the 13th my friend......

[Freya] *Freya's smile slips.* so it falls on a saturday this year? well i see that you have a head start on me brother.....

*Freya sits across from Schlaflosigkeit heavily and takes a swig from the bottle. Handing the Jack to Schlaflosigkeit, he looks around the bar.*

[Freya] Good to meet all of you fine folks..... i do hope you are all well.......

[ooc] ooopps...... that was supposed to be Schla, not Xai..... maybe i shouldn't try and do three different posts at once.....

(novel idea)

HELLO!!!! It's a KITTY!!! I LOVE KITTIES!!!! YAY!!!

First kitty in Bar BAcchus!!!...no... but... first kitty who speaks English... I can say that... Right!??

*Freya looks in admiration at Dragonfly........*

[Freya] i only speak english because some malignant force seems to edit the flow of time and mute any other language.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[ooc] *glares at the BBC*

OOO....

*Freya looks at Schla.*

[Freya] *in a slightly quieter voice* and who might the comely lass be?

"Real men drink their drinks from the bottle, and that's why my drink of choice is......er......mmmm....'ice cold coca-cola' and whatever this stuff in the other bottle is, 'cos things go better with coke".
(An unpaid, unsolicited promotion for coca-cola, from a man hooked on caffine and sugar) (takes a drink from coke bottle then a pours some of the 'other bottle' in his mouth, gargles and swallows.....hard) "Wow! That made me pause, but I'm not very refreshed...ah, I know, more ice cubes, please!"

Ah.

Hello, got anything to drink (hopes they do, it is a bar)? Ale'd be good, but just about anyhting alchoholic's fine by me.

*turns to person next to him at bar*

Cola? Ah, but caryeth the "other bottle"

*muses over how silent this bar has become*

Hmmm - as good a place to get over beong missed as any I have come across...

*reaches over bar, pours G&T , size XL*

Aahhhhh!