h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It just dawned on me that many of the problems people sing about are the same ones they write about to agony aunts...

So the idea is to combine the two - give the people in the songs advice to stop them of dying of a broken heart, or dramaqueenitis, as the case may be. And then suggest a new song for the next person.

Any takers?

To start it off, here's a prime traditional specimen, from "Green Grows the Laurel"



I once had a sweetheart but now she is gone
She's gone and she's left me I'm here all alone
And since she has left me content I must be
To know she loves someone far better than me

(...)

I wrote her a letter so loving and kind
She wrote me another with sharp, bitter lines
Saying "Keep your love letters and I will keep mine
And you write to your love and I'll write to mine"