People drink. Of course they do. And this causes problems: alcoholism, drunk driving, violence. People have always drunk, will always drink. Many of us would not be here without it. Some are not here who would be.

Because the total abolition of alcohol is not possible, whether or not it's desirable, the most important thing is that people learn to get the good things it can bring when used wisely (relaxation, friendship, even possibly some health benefits) without falling into the many and serious traps which await.

On one level, drinking games do not seem to be about this, but it's possible they can be. For a start, they're about social drinking, which is less harmful than drinking alone; but there is more. Most people play them when young adults, at the start of their drinking 'careers'. They sometimes take people too far into drunkenness, and a few people will get hurt by this. Many, many others will be taken to the level where the small disadvantages kick in - hangovers, nausea, broken sleep, even simple embarrassment.

Those small disadvantages are, for most people, the reason that, when they get into their later twenties, they start to moderate their drinking. They have jobs, and know they will not be able to do them properly, if they're suffering from the effects of too much alcohol. They have children, and know that if they become 'incapable', they won't be able to look after them. Most people don't moderate their drinking out of fear of the alcohol-related diseases which kill; they do it because the excesses make them feel like hell. Drinking games can actually accelerate that process - as they probably did for most of our Researchers - and as such, may almost be considered a good thing. Almost.

Anyway, drink if you want to and have fun while you're doing it. But remember not to go too mad, because then it really ceases to be fun, and can often be potentially harmful. Know your limits, and stay within them.

21s

21's is a game where two or more players get shoed¹. The idea is simple; players alternate in saying the numbers 1 - 21. The person who says 21 loses and has to down their drink (obviously playing with more than 2 is recommended). This is made more difficult by the following - you cannot say three singles in a row (ie 1, 2, 3) or you lose. Neither can you say two doubles or three triples. A double involves one player saying, for example, 2 and 3 in the same turn. This reverses the direction of the game. A triple involves saying three numbers in a specific turn and skips a player. Vindictiveness is possible when you get to later stages of the game - if you are on 17 for example and want to get the player two over, you will say '18, 19, 20' and he or she will be forced to say 21 and lose the game.

Variations include Roman Numerals, where the same game is played with I, II, III, IV and so on. You can also play it using foreign languages. If you must.

Philosopher's Drinking Song

Monty Python wrote the following immortal hymn to all the great thinkers and drinkers:

Immanuel Kant was a real piss ant who was very rarely stable

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table

Davis Hume could out-consume Schoppenhauer and Hegel

And Liechtenstein was a beery swine who was just as schlossed as Sleghel

There's nothing Nietzche wouldn't teach ya 'bout the raisin' of the wrist

Socrates himself was permanently pissed

J Stuart Mill of his own free will after half a pint of shandy was particularly ill

Plato they say taking away half a crate of whisky every day

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle

Hobbs was fond of his dram

And René Descartes was a drunken fart 'I drink therefore I am'

Yes Socrates himself is particularly missed

A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed

You can sing this while completely sober... but it really is a lot funnier when you've had a few.

Drinking Trivial Pursuit

This is a drinking game for thinkers. You'll need a pitcher of drinks in each of the colours of the Trivial Pursuit board. Play the game as you ordinarily would, giving a drink for each correct answer. The drink must be downed before continuing. A variation of the game is to give drinks only for correctly answered wedge questions. In that case someone has to make a selection of delicious/disgusting/wierd/good/dull/whatever drinks.

Researchers have attempted to apply these type of rules to the game of backgammon, but unfortunately are unable to recall anything of the game, so we can't ascertain whether or not it was successful.

Crisps vs Beer

This is a practical joke disguised as a drinking game. Because of the dangers inherent in putting one over on someone who's had a lot to drink, be rather careful who you pick as your 'contestant' - stick to those smaller, weaker and slower than yourself... or be a world-class sprinter.

The stated competition is to bet that you can eat a packet of crisps² (one crisp at a time) faster than your opponent can drink a pint of beer. The pint and the packet must be set on the bar (or polished table) prior to the 'ready, steady, go'.

On the 'ready', make it clear that the competition refers exclusively to this pint, and these crisps - no substitution. On the 'steady' point out that eating crisps is quite slow, and although you are good at it, a little preparation is needed. Point out that the pint has an open top, and is ready for immediate consumption - the same should apply to the crisps. This being accepted (nobody's refused yet), open out the packet until it is flat, and arrange the crisps in lines (carry on until your opponent is getting annoyed). Then, take the empty crisp packet, place it over the top of the pint, invert the glass, place it on the bar, and whip the packet out from under it. Shout 'Go'.

As your opponent stares in disbelief at the undrinkable pint, pick up the first crisp (slowly, slowly) and start to nibble it in a dainty fashion...

A**hole

This game requires a minimum of five people to play and a deck of cards. Beer works best because there is much drinking involved.

The object of the game is to get rid of your cards first. The person who gets rid of their cards first becomes President, the next becomes Vice President, and so on. The first hand of Asshole is the establishing hand. This will decide who is the President, Vice President, citizens, and the Asshole for the next round.

Approximately six or seven cards are dealt to each player. Depending on the number playing, this can either be higher or lower. If more than seven are playing, use two decks of cards. The rank of the cards is as follows (most powerful to least powerful) two, A, K, Q, ... four, and three. Someone is chosen to go first and they play a card, the next person has three options:

• To play a card higher than the previous card.
• To play a card equal to the previous card, thus passing the next person, causing him/her to drink.
• To pass on that turn and drink.

For example, if a four is lead, the next player must play higher than a four, and the next player has to play higher than that. A new hand starts when all players pass, or when someone plays a two (the most powerful card). The last person to play a card, leads the next hand.

There is a 'social' (everyone must drink) when three cards of the same value are played in one round. Not only for three cards played by different people, but also for triples! This proceeds until all players are rid of their cards. The first player out of cards is the President for the next round; the next out becomes the Vice President; the next players out are citizens; and the last person out is the Asshole. Everyone must then get up and sit in order. The President has choice of seat.

However, lets say that the person leading has two fives. This person may play them both, then the next player must play two of the same card higher than five; this player cannot play one card or three cards, only two. The only time a player may lay one card in a situation like this is if it is a two (the power card); a single two, beats everything, and the hand ends and is followed by a new lead.

The roles for each player are as follows:

• President: He/she can make any player drink at any time, no-one may make the President drink, other than the President himself. The President is the first player to start each round (benefits of power). The President should never have to refill their own beer. No one may pick up their cards in the beginning of a round until the President does, or they must drink. The next person to pick up their cards is the Vice President, and so on. The President is also the only person who can call a 'waterfall'. This is where everyone starts drinking and is not allowed to stop drinking until the person above him/her stops (ie the Vice President cannot stop until the President stops; the Treasurer cannot stop until the Vice President stops, and so on). As you can see, this is another disadvantage of being the Asshole.

• Vice President: He/she can make any player drink at any time (except the President), but only the President or the Vice President himself, can make the Vice President drink. The Vice President goes second in each round.

• Citizens: These players can make each other drink as well as the Asshole. They play in the order they finished the previous round; first citizen out follows the Vice President, second citizen out follows first, and so on and so forth.

• Asshole: For many reasons, this player is truly the Asshole. This player has to shuffle and deal the cards, sweeping the cards after the hands have finished, get beer from the kitchen, fill everyone's drink, and can not make any other player drink. The Asshole plays last in each round. If there is too much for the Asshole to do, and the game is slowing down, Vice Asshole will be requested to assist the Asshole in his duties.

You can, if you so wish, abuse the power you wield when you are President or Vice President. But remember, it will always come back to haunt you, especially when abusing the Asshole.

Before the hand starts, the President gives the Asshole his lowest card, and the Asshole gives the President his highest cards. If either is caught not giving his absolute lowest or highest card (this means breaking up a pair of threes if you are the President) they are automatically made Asshole for the next hand. If eight or more are playing, the President and the Asshole exchange their two highest and lowest cards, and the Vice President and Vice Asshole exchange their one highest and lowest card.

If someone is President for four consecutive rounds then he or she has the option of drafting new laws. These laws cannot be overturned until a new President has been in power long enough to make a law to overturn it. Examples include: no one may say anyone's real name or drink, both hands must be visible at all times or drink.

Cricket

Cricket is a dead simple counting game. Someone starts with 'one', next guy says 'two', and so on. On numbers with four in them, or are divisable by four, you give the sign an umpire makes for 'four' - a horizontal swish. On numbers with six in them, or divisable by six, you give the signal for 'six' - raising your arms above your head (though this can be changed to sticking both your index fingers in the air, in public places). Numbers which fit both rules must have both signals done. Prime numbers are 'no ball' - put your fist out to the side. Any failure of these signals, or missing a round means, you have to drink your drink.

Higher or Lower?

Higher or Lower is a game of chance that requires a deck of cards and at least three people, though more are preferred. Players are seated around a table, each with their own choice of drink. One player is selected to be dealer. The dealer turns to the player sitting next to him, places one card face up on the table, and asks 'higher or lower?' The player then responds based on whether they think the next card drawn will be higher or lower than the one currently showing (Aces are high, twos are low). The next card is then drawn. If the player guessed correctly, they have the option of continuing or passing to the next player. If they guessed incorrectly, they must take a drink for every card that has been dealt during this hand. If play passes to another player, their turn builds upon the last player's cards. Thus, one player could easily accumulate five or six cards before passing it off to the next person. Once someone messes up and drinks, all played cards are discarded and play begins with a new dealer which is usually the next player in order.

Example: Player 1 deals to player 2. Player 2 guesses correctly twice and passes to player 3. Player 3 guesses correctly three times, but incorrectly on the fourth and thus takes seven drinks (one to start play, two from player 2, four from self). Player 2 then becomes dealer and deals to Player 4.

It is preferable to take sips, not gulps or shots... drinks add up very quickly in this game.

Liar Dice

Liar Dice. Now, this one does need some equipment. You'll need some poker dice, and a couple of opaque containers. The first person throws, and says what he gets and slides the dice under a container to the next player. The next player then keeps what he wants from the previous hand, and re-rolls the dice he didn't keep. He then says what he got (or what he says he's got) and passes it on, and so on. The rule is that each hand must be higher than the previous one. If you think someone is lying then you call them up, and they show you if they were lying or not. If you were correct, then they lose and you win. If they were telling the truth, then you lose and they win.

This game is played in three-round sets. The loser of the first round gets to order any drink he wants. The loser of the second then has to drink it, and the loser of the third has to pay for it. This game is best played in a largish group, especially with those who order pints of Old Peculiar³ with a double shot of whisky in it (blended whisky, of course - you don't want to waste the good stuff).

Circle of Death

A great favourite is a game called Circle of Death. Basically you obtain a pack of cards and an empty pint glass which is placed in the middle of the table. Players take turns to choose a card from the pack, each card having with it a duty. This sounds ominous...

• Drawing a two means you drink.

• Drawing a three means you can nominate another player to drink.

• Drawing a four means that any women playing have to take a drink. If no women are playing then substitute this rule with another rule.

• Drawing a five is 'thumb master', where everyone must place their right thumb on the table, the last person to do this has to take a drink.

• Drawing a six means all the men take a drink.

• Drawing a seven is 'categories' - you think of a category (eg types of car) and each player must then think of a type of car, going round the circle. The person who cannot think of an answer, or unduly hesitates, must drink.

• Drawing an eight is 'waterfall' - the person who draws the card starts to down their drink as do all the other players simultaneously. A person can only stop drinking when the person to his right has stopped drinking, or he has finished his drink. Penalties are incurred for blowing bubbles.

• Drawing a nine is 'rhyme' - someone starts a rhyme and it must be continued, not necessarily having to make sense. Drink if you fail to rhyme or someone hesitates. Penalties for anyone who tries to rhyme with orange or month - they're impossible.

• Drawing a ten is 'social' - everyone drinks.

• Drawing a jack means the person to your left drinks.

• Drawing a queen means the person to your right drinks.

• Drawing a king involves adding a quarter of your drink to the glass in the centre of the table. When the last king is drawn, the player must top up the pint and down it in one. This is especially good if you are playing with a mixed set of drinks - some particularly bad concoctions can be created.

• Drawing an ace involves the making of a new rule. These are where the real fun can be had.

Any penalties involve drinking whatever the person receiving the penalty chooses to drink. Rest assured, you will be drunk soon enough.

The Card and Bottle Game

Here is one I played regularly in my callow youth. The origins of this game are unknown. It may have appeared by osmosis, but I have rarely met anyone since who has played it elsewhere. The venue of choice used to be the Albion Pub in Aston Brook Green, Birmingham, UK.

Ingredients

• An empty bottle (wine is preferable)
• A pack of cards
• Lots and lots of beer

Preparation: Place the full pack of cards on top of the empty bottle, face up.

To play: Place the arranged bottle and cards in the middle of a table and seat the participants around it. The participants then take turns in blowing a card (or a number of cards) off the top of the pack. The card that is visible (on the top of the pack) after their blow is the 'scoring' card. Each participant must blow, and they must remove at least one card from the pack.

Scoring: The beauty of this game is that there are very few rules to start with. If you blow the last card off the bottle (ie no more remain on top) you must finish whatever is in your drink. If, when you blow, you reveal a king, you nominate another player to drink two fingers. If you reveal a queen, you drink two fingers' worth of alcohol. If you blow a ten, you get to specify a new rule. New rules have to be agreed by all participants.

Any new rule created as a result of blowing a ten persists throughout the entire drinking session, and not just that round. That is where life gets interesting. Some classic rules are:

• The three blow rule: Any more than three puffs and you forfeit your go (obviously accompanied by a drinking penalty - usually two fingers).

• The no names rule: No one can be referred to by their real names or common nicknames. Any transgressions result in two fingers being drunk.

• The 'Goodies⁴' rule: A card is selected at random. Whenever that card is blown the participants have to sing, 'Do, do, do the funky gibbon' while jumping up and down and doing bad impressions of monkeys.

Shot Chess

This one is great for those intellectual drinkers among you. Set up a game of chess as normal, but instead of using pieces, use shot glasses filled with tequila or another spirit. You can actually get shot glasses with chess pieces already engraved on them if you intend to play regularly⁵. The rules are exactly the same as chess, when a piece is taken that player knocks back the shot.

Another variation (for the brain donors) is shot draughts.

The Eurovision Drink

The Eurovision Song Contest is truly a seminal moment of annual Euro-bonding and a great way to celebrate is to play the following game:

• Everybody picks a country from a hat.

• If that country scores top marks, the person who chose that country drinks two gulps of alcoholic beverage. The volume of alcohol increases if your country gets less points.

• Those whose countries get no points in a round have to drink half their beverage.

• The ultimate loser gets to drink a special cocktail that you have prepared beforehand, and are then promptly expelled from the European Union.

Withnail and I

Withnail and I is the classic comedy film by Bruce Robinson starring Richard E Grant and Paul McGann. The thing to do with this game is to watch the film and to try and keep up with the two main characters, drink for drink. This is no mean feat.