h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You were lucky, then. It's axiomatic that kids are tought to hate Shakespeare I was a terrible student. I used to skip off school and go to the public library to read.

I think my mum helped a lot. We lived in village that had an abbey ruin where they used to hold open air shakespeare plays in the summer. From about 13 onwards my mum would encourage us to go and it's the right place to start seeing shakespeare. The plays were never written to be performed in theatres with expensive sets. I still go to see an open air shakespeare play at Painswick Garden.

That sounds like a wonderful way to experience Shakespeare. I think being made to read the plays without an appreciation for what the whole amazing spectacle of a live performance is like is unfortunate.

Did you dig out your Poe?

No, actually I forgot. I know where to find him though.

It's been so hot the last couple of days, I haven't felt up to it.

It's been proper gardening weather here too but unfortunately I had beeter things to do than my garden. By chance a leaflet was put through my door at about midnight advertising a local gardener so I think i better give them a call - I think my neighbours may have put the leaflet through trying to drop a hint - I already get lots of comments about hoe generous I am with my garden as I share it with everyone else!

I can't take much more of this pun-ishment.

Our front's a mess too. When we dug out our hidy-hole in the back, I ended up making two berms on the front boulevard, because I was sick of hauling soil away. They had been planted with ornamental grasses. Now they are in a state (sad state) of semi-deconstruction.

Believe it or not those puns were genuine mistypes - hell of a coincidence eh?

Splice enough genes and grow a Hamlet-monkey. That's about on a par with the Caveman and the Scrabble chips.

I live in New Zealand, and we have real problem with Canada Geese, possums and other introduced species. The best way to deal with the problem is to kill the pests. The real problem arises when bleeding heart greenies can't bear to see the poor little geese/possums/ducks/rabbits etc shot or poisoned, and go out of their way to disrupt any sustained cull. Never mind that the poor little creature (and its family and friends) has the potential to destroy the habitat of endangered natives!!! Death to the invaders!

Do we also kill all the Maoris because one of them ate the last Moa

I really hope that was meant as a joke! We can't help the mo, we can help the kiwi, the weka, the tree skink, the saddleback, need I continue?

And besides, you're allowed to eat geese etc, you can't eat maoris!!

Not legally anyway, and of course there is nothing in the Treaty of Waitangi prohibiting Maori eating Maori. I belive it is covered under the same sub-section as the one that gives them ownership of radio waves.
I have a theory that the last Moa was eaten by Captain Cook one dark and stormy night in Dusky Sound. If we want to protect birds surely we should start killing cats.

>Death to the invaders!
thats probably what the maoris should have said

If we want to save the bird life in the South Island of New Zealand we should release endangered Bengal and Siberian tigers in the remote highlands. This will ensure the survival of the tigers who will feed on the possums, deer, goats and other introduced pests which are destroying the habitat of the endangered birds. Think big I say.

Yeah put the big cats in! That's bound to save the birds!

Nope, that would be suicide! They've only been here for a couple of thousand years!

(sings):

There was an old woman who swallowed a fly...

Big cats, big stomachs, big prey. Birds small things with feathers.
Deer, possums, goats, big lovable eyes, alas eat roots and multiplies. Introduce big cats to eat the animals pretending to be humans. When this problem is solved introduce rich Japanese people who can be photographed holding dead heads so we can like the m less