h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

1. Any Eastbound District Line train which is marked Tower Hill (or even, on occasion, Upminster) may be changed to terminate at Mansion House at any time. This change may not be notified to you until the train has passed Embankment. This is especially likely if you have been waiting half an hour or more for the train (i.e. the whole system is running slow).

2. If a train terminates at Mansion House, the driver will make a further annoucement at Blackfriars (the station before). He will say words to the effect of "This is a Mansion House train. This train terminates at the next station. To continue your Eastbound District Line journey, alight at this station and wait on the platform for the next District Line train." Often he will repeat each part of this message several times. Sometimes he will even add a helpful message about what will happen at Mansion House if you don't. Unlike every other announcement on the Underground, this one will be clearly spoken over a perfect PA.

If you are an experienced tube traveller, you will already be taking the appropriate action (i.e. leaving the train). If you are getting off at Mansion House, you can sit where you are. If you are an inexperienced traveller, or a tourist, you will ignore the announcement and stay where you are: this will be the wrong course of action.

Because of the arrangement of platforms at Mansion House, Eastbound trains terminating there (usually to become a Westbound Wimbledon train) actually terminate on the Westbound platform (obvious when I spell it out, isn't it?): that means you have to cross over a bridge to the real Eastbound platform as opposed to just getting off and changing.

When the train arrives, the driver will once again make a helpful announcement: "Mansion House, Mansion House, this train terminates here. To continue your Eastbound District Line journey, cross the bridge to platform number x." (I can't remember, let's say 1).

Now, you would expect most people to do one of the following:

a. If they speak good English, they would have got off at Blackfriars. Failing that, they would say "oh dear, I'd better go over the bridge to platform 1." Then they'd go over the bridge to platform 1 (having missed the next Eastbound train).

b. Ask a member of staff. Then go over the bridge.

What they actually do is:

c. Ask me. If their English is good (and it usually is: mainly English and American tourists), I will ask them if they listened to the announcement at Blackfriars. A fairly typical answer is "oh, that wasn't our station, so we didn't bother listening." I then tell them they have to cross the bridge, but usually end up having to show them. You wouldn't believe how irate some of them get about having to change platforms.

d. Cross the platform and get on the next Westbound train, thinking that it must be OK as it is leaving from the platform next to the one they arrived at. This in spite of the fact that it is patently going in the opposite direction to the one they just got off. Out of curiosity, I have watched people do this (cruel, I know).

e. Wander around looking lost. I don't know what these ones do in the end as I have left the station by then. However, some of them do consult their tube maps, which are absolutely no use at all in this situation.


3. If there is a potential Westbound Wimbledon train waiting at the platform (after the events of 2, above) and that's where you're heading, ignore the sign which says that the next Westbound train will depart from the other platform. It will not be a Wimbledon train. Also, the indicator will change about 1 second before the doors close (in fact, I have seen the doors close first).