The following events took place around Edinburgh City Centre on Saturday 7 May 2005:

12.25:	EV and fords (swigging cough syrup straight from the bottle) first to arrive at the Standing Order.
13.25:	Bored of each other's company, they start to play the What Time Will DD and FC Turn Up? game.
13.35:	Crazyhorse arrives.
13.40:	My Favourite Prescription Drugs.
13.50:	Jamie arrives.
14.09:	EV sets off to the airport to pick up Mina, the token foreigner.
14.16:	That old lady over there has two straws in her wine bottle!
14.36:	Spiking fruit for children with vodka. Jamie: "What a waste!"
14.57:	Everyone buggers off and leaves fords on her own
15.42:	Coming back from the bar, fords is consoled by Mina, EV, Crazyhorse and Jamie.
15.53:	DD and FC turn up! fords wins. Mina said she voted on 5 past 4 but it wasn't put in the log
16.12:	Mina wants more shagging.
16.15:	Politics breaks out. Yes indeed!
17.05:	Mina: "Everyone sounds Scottish up here!"
17.00:	I know! Let's go and see the Hitchhiker film!
19.20:	The researchers have seen it. It's rubbish.
19.21:	Resistance is futile!
19.39:	The intrepid researchers find a table beside two vehy, vehy drunk old men.
19.42:	Mina takes a video of "Waldorf and Statler".
19.45:	DD has met Lord Sutch. fords: "What was he like?" DD: "Oh, about so tall..."
20.04:	The little bit of politics has turned into quite a bit of politics.
20.10:	Jimmy Saville, Vyvyan from the Young Ones and a Smurf walk into the pub. Attempt to find a punchline begins.
20.11:	DD tells the worst joke ever. Again.
20.15:	Doesn't Waldorf realise Statler is at the bar and isn't sitting in front of him answering his questions?
20.16:	Mort arrives.
20.21:	Mort kisses cats.
20.40:	DD still talking politics.
20.55:	Mort and fords discuss annoying lesbian neighbours. DD and FC have a fight - of course, politics is at the bottom of it!
20.58:	Conversation takes an unexpectd early '90s turn.
21.00:	Statler finally buggers off. Waldorf still sitting at other end of the table trying to pretend we're not here.
21.03:	Waldorf eventually leaves table but strange eggy smell remains. Ew!
21.07:	The UK's top fat Mark Moxon tribute act enters the pub.
21.15:	Snatch of conversation overheard: "They do poos you can play football with."
21.25:	Politics breaks out again. Discussion of one-eyed PMs ensues.
21.30:	Why is everything on Living TV about dead people?
21.35:	Superman walks in.
21.35:	Mina decides Scotland is full of weirdos.
21.35:	Mina needs more s.
21.36:	DD speaking Irish with a Scottish accent. Mina is confused.
21.41:	DD and Mina both go to the toilet.
21.45:	DD seen squeezing past Superman.
21.46:	Mort declines EV's offer of a hug as she is too hot.
21.50:	fords thinks EV's nose smells funny.
21.52:	Martin Bell lookalike thinks we're a theatre company. Mina tells him she thought he was Martin Bell.
22.00:	Mina, FC and Mort discuss bras and boob sizes and nipple piercing.
22.01:	Mort doesn't mind where she gets pierced.
22.15:	The girls put h2g2 to rights. So does DD.
22.25:	Mort's got a Message in a Toilet.
22.50:	EV, DD and Jamie lose interest in the conversation and start talking about spoons.
22.55:	Mina: "I eat pigs and I don't care".
23.00:	"Sooner or later it all comes back to poo".
23.03:	DD found to be singing the hits of Chas 'n' Dave.
23.05:	DD and FC leave to go to the cash machine - they say they'll be back...The What Time Will DD and FC Come Back? game starts.
23.20:	DD and FC come back. Mort wins - "Wow! I won!"
23.34:	Talk turns to tummies and fords, FC and Mort tell Mina to shut up when she complains about her body.
23.41:	DD and FC head off for some intimate ?**?!
23.42:	Mort finally gives EV a hug. He squezes her boob, which is not a good idea since she has PMT.
23.55:	Mort: "If we feel like it, we'll have a shag."
00.02:	Porn!
00.10:	More porn! EV and Jamie feel inadequate while listening avidly.
00.20:	The bar finally devoid of alcoholic beverages, the troops head home.