Napa, for all its worth
Created | Updated Aug 12, 2005
Intro to Napa California
Where the Wine is Plentiful and the Drunk Drivers Doubly So
Napa, California is a tourist trap, nothing more and nothing less. It is populated by the rich people who own everything, one of those things is usually a vineyard (Napa has a lot of those), and the fields of grapes to reach out to the mountains. It is quite a breathtaking site, the first couple times. After that you look straight ahead as to not attract the grape workers. There are also the normal folk of Napa, "The normal Joe’s." The people that if did not exist, would be the main reason why Napa would crumble. Also, another thing that needs mentioning is if you do want to visit this beautiful town, if you look above the grapes to valley walls, is that if you have a teenager, he will almost without a doubt be bored to tears . Tears of which are more liquefied boredom coming out of his or hers eyes. Napa (I think) does not believe in entertainment for teenagers, which is why a lot of them are pushed towards drinking and drugs. There are some kids, like myself, that are lucky to not be affected. Napa didn’t always have fields of grapes, no, it use to have fields of prunes. We were also known for our gloves. And our insane asylum use to house Charles Manson…for about two weeks or so until they moved him out because he was too insane.
Things you must see and do when in Napa
Sunlight from the Peek
If you like hiking, and seeing splendid views, you must hike the Westwood Hills. This is what you do: you hike to the peek of Westwood Hills; take no more than a half an hour if you go straight to it (and it’s pretty simple to get to). At the peek during sunset is one of the most beautiful in Napa. In one direction, you see this small hectic little town that although it seems to be, it never sleeps it just closes down early. The town is littered with streetlights, and porch lights, cars driving down Jefferson to get some food from Safeway (which is open 24hrs.) Right behind you towards the valley walls is a sight that made me appreciate Napa. Like when the sun sets over the mountains; light softly floods over the mountains, enough to give a breathtaking flow to the fields of grapes blanketing the valley floor. Bring your camera folks, because this is something you will want to show off. Bring your tripod too. There is a bench at the top of the hill that I have snapped a few photos with. They look nice. Just you or whomever is sitting on a bench with the entire Napa Valley behind you (well mostly). This is one of the best places to view Napa from- legal too!
The Normal "Napa Tourist" Trip
Everyone I know that has visited Napa has done the wine tasting. Yeah, you probably should do that if you are a wine person. Just don't drive drunk afterwards and kill one of my friends. Anyways, when you go through St. Helena, stop! This little town has a lot to offer, in fine foods, culture, and anything else classy and expensive. Also, I'm not quite sure where it is, but ask around for Guinies (joo-knees; like the joints on your legs). They make sandwiches. They make THE sandwiches; really, REALLY good ones, and when they ask for Guinie-juice on your sandwich, say, "yes." Oh yes, you want it. And then buy a bottle. Support a beautiful mom-and-pop store. Then enjoy. Drive around this little town taking in its culture, and then around the rest of the valley. Go spend some cash or go to Compadre's restaurant (not yet in the food section, but I am going to make an up valley restaurant guide). Awesome ribs. Or Rutherford Grill. Awesome ribs once again (note: neither of those restaurants are in St. Helena, but they are worth the little trip). To find these marvels of modern day culinary excellence, ask around. We are adept to telling tourists where to go.
Safeway
See "Napa Spots"Napa's "Spots"
Will add directions at requestSoda Canyon Castle
It is a short hike of Soda Canyon Road to the left. I got poison oak when I went their. It was an old sulfur hot spring but it burned down. Now it is a place where people go. It is not legal, but oh is it a site. Tall stone buildings.
"The first and only time that I went here I got Poison Oak, it sucked. But other than that this place has some awesome photo-ops. They probably would be better if it was at sunset. But it would kinda suck to hike back at night."
Casey (AKA - HumanMan42)
Hating Poison Oak with all his heart
"This place is something straight out of The Jungle Book. Off of Soda Canyon Road, the trail is more of what you make it. I remember a few small dear trails, but this is more of "make it as you go." Definitely not for the faint of heart, but a really awesome place none the less. It's private property, and rumor has it someone lives near by, but I've never had any trouble. The nickname "The Glass Factory" has been created I think from the massive amounts of alcohol brought by young people to this illustrious spot."
Neil
Damn you and your larger vocabulary than me!
The Ruins
I was told what they use to be, but I forgot. They are also large stone buildings that have been abandoned for thirty or so years.
"I saw some pictures my friend Neil took here. Bastard, they all came out beautiful. I need to take my camera here"
Casey (AKA - HumanMan42)
Wish I would of brought the damn camera
"Ok, So I went here finnaly. I went at night, so a camera was mostly out of the picture. I snapped somer photos of me and my friends. Some pretty cool things to look at. Pretty creepy also"
Casey (AKA - HumanMan42)
Need to go back at dawn
Train Bridge
It is an abandoned train bridge. It tall, and easy to get up since it has stairs to the top. It is quite a site. Also illegal to go to. Awesome photo-op's here though.
"It’s high, easy to get to, easy to climb. Creepy bats hide in it though."
Casey (AKA - HumanMan42)
Learned what bats sounded like when they get pissed
"Sentals, a work out, going all the way to the top and looking down = Really fun. Hissing owls, thinking you are going to die when you walk over there, gaps between some of the steps = no fun. "
Katie
Fall into the GAP!
Shore House
Think abandoned, then think big square stone house. Then think creepy, then you will have an idea of what it looks like.
Partrick Cemetery
Surrounded by myths legends and flying monkeys! To get their, you must take a very long narrow road. You must pass the four deadly turns. Many young Napkins have died going there because the roads shitty design. The turns tilt the wrong way so when you turn you loose traction and go to the hill, or out to the trees. They are after the cow stopper in the road. Once you get to the end of the road their will be for paths, well, one is a dirt road, one has a gate, and one has a big wood gate. The cemetery is behind the wood one about a half mile in. This place is pretty creepy. There are rumors that a weird scientist was experimenting with combining monkeys with humans for combat purposes (I’m not making this up). One day they got loose killing him. They are tall, about 7’. They fall on top of your car while you make your way up the road. They are called the Rebobs. There is a film being made about them right now. Sadly enough the guy who is making it is saying it’s based in Washington. But is filming it in Napa.
"Scary as all hell. WATCH OUT FOR REBOBS! I refuse to go up there at night. I wet mt pants every time I go there. "
Katie
SEE REBOBS!!! TOLD YOU!
Safeway
Many nights spent here, wandering around for a quick sugar fix, or something to stuff into my belly for a buck. Or because we are bored. There is always something to do in Safeway, and since there is one that is open 24hrs in Napa, it has visitors at all times of day. People know me by a first name basis their, Captain President1. Also this specific Safeway was somehow blessed by the Wine Gods. It does not matter what time of day, what day you do in, their will always be a really hot girl their. This was something that was passed onto it by the other Safeway that was torn down so make way for this newer Safeway (RIP). That Safeway was heads and tails more awesome than any other food store, ever.
"This is almost a second home to me, but they always kick me out when I set up camp. Kidding kidding...."
Casey (AKA - HumanMan42)
I love Safeway, what can I say?
Things that either bug me about Napa, or peek my interest
Yes its a long title, but this one is even longer, get over it(but in smaller text)
Lack of things to do for teenagers
First and foremost, and I touched on this earlier, Napa hates entertainment. With that, I bring to the table, metaphorically speaking, the case of Napa vs. concerts. A few years back there was a place where the teenagers could come and play loud fast music, or slow, and rock out. As time passed Napa decided to stop the concerts their. Because they said teenagers will get drunk and stoned their. Yes, it can happen. But how about supplying some help to make sure we have a good time and a safe time, rather then shutting it down! From there we moved to this other place downtown. Name skips my memory. Smaller place. A wine tasting place (go figure). But the place didn’t have a license for it! They got it, but still they could not. After that their wasn’t any place in Napa for live music. Unless of course its the music that Napa wants. We need a place to dance and rock out. Oh yeah, its illegal to dance on the sidewalks downtown. its like f*****g Footloose here. Also when visiting Napa, you can experience a lot of downtime. One must learn how to use this time without becoming numb. The Art of Efficient Time Wasting. Thank you H2G2 for once again saving my sanity.
Safeway
See "Napa Spots"Miscellaneous
Note: Really, I was just too lazy to find a better name for this catagory, or to find where the article "A 'Wanderer' named Chris" would fit, as this grows, I will disperse articles to more suited locations amoungst this guide. More parts will come, oh yes, and you will be ready to read them.
A 'Wanderer' named Chris
Thanks to digiraver for this article.
If you ever happen into our lovely city of Napa there is an off chance that you might have the opportunity to meet one of our more colorfull street wanderers. Dressed in the usual dirty garb of a street walker Chris' only real distinguishing feature is the blue hooded jacket that he is ALWAYS wearing. Doesn't matter what the weather is, he always has it on. Call it a safety blanket if you will but a popular theory traveling around the younger generations of our fair city is that this jacket is in fact his shell. Ya know, like a turtle or a snail.
Scary blue shell aside, if you get the opportunity to have a chat with this interesting individual, it is this researchers opinion, that you take it! You will walk away a changed person, in a good way of course. First off, let me say that you will not really understand a word of what he says. This researcher has had a few conversations with him and I am convinced that he spoke to me in about three different languages in the span of one paragraph. WOW...what an experience.
If you are faint at heart and cannot get yourself to strike up a conversation with this kind soul then at least hang around long enough to hear him argue with himself. This alone is an experience in itself. Again note that he speaks (or at least thinks he speaks) several different languages so when the arguing really gets going the words that come out of his mouth are simply amazing.
All and all, Chris is a really great guy and this researcher has, on many occasions, gone out of my way to bring Chris a smoke or a nice deli sandwich. I feel better by doing this and I think you might to.
Entertainment
HAHA, Napa...Entertainment...
Cinidome 8This place sucks. Well it use to suck a lot, but it still kinda sucks. Pretty expensive, I would rather go to Edwards Cinema in Fairfield, little bit more expensive, but more worth it. If you are sitting back, trying to figure out what the hell a movie is click here for some helpfull insight to the world of motion pictures
"Just go to Edwards Cinema at the Fairfield Mall"
Casey (AKA - HumanMan42)
Just go to Edwards
"I hate their seats. WHY?!?! why don't they make them all rock and make out seats. BUT NO! THEY DON'T! You either get to be comfy but no make out or make out and no comfy. what is up with that?! "Billco's Billiards
Katie
Damn them to hell
Normal pool hall if you like pool.Bar with beer, and a chef to make fries and burgers. Nacho's too I think.
This is an interesting little read. Prof. Burhnham's Student - The Life Game of Pool .Don't sink your black ball to soon
"If you like to play pool, go here. I kinda like to play, so it holds my interest shortly. They have a bar if you like that. A lot of dart boards."
Casey (AKA - HumanMan42)
I don’t like pool for more than 45 minutes
"Old men go there and stair down my shirt. I don't like that. Nope. But I like pool so I put up with it. "Napa Bowl
Katie
Old people suck
Bowling, decent lanes. Decent amount of lanes. Not the classiest place, but fairly priced. Nice arcade of about 20 machines. Air Hockey, and about six pool tables. Everything in the pool room is UV reactive. Overall it’s pretty nice. I’m not sure what days are league nights, so you will have to find out for yourselves. For some background, and helpfull tips try this link.
I think this one is pretty entertaing though. Made me laugh out loud
"They took out my favorite arcade game. Zeus II, I love top scrolling shooters, and that was one of the best. Everything else, 3 outta 4 stars."
Casey (AKA - HumanMan42)
Bastards took out Zeus II
"Oh so innocent. Putting on others shoes, playing with someone else's balls. oh how I love it there."
Katie
I like the heavy balls
Parks and Recreation
This link was brought to you by a loyal reader DigiRaver It is for the Napa recreation. Things to do. they will have alot more information then I feel like putting on this guide. So I will just link this place and get it over with.
Westwood Hills
There are some awesome hiking trails here. Enough for a day. On one side its Napa, with the view of the city, and on the other is mostly open country. Will beautiful hills all the way to the valley walls. At the main peek at sunset or sunrise, perfect photo-ops. Also a great place to do some hill bombing.
"If you go here, bring your camera, because you will need it."
Casey (AKA - HumanMan42)
Right place, right time
"I like this place because it has benches every so often for the fat people (like myself) who don't get out much and hate hiking but do it because other tards(my "fit" friends) want to. "Kennedy Park
Katie
I like benches
This is a fairly large park. It has a duck pond where you can sit and feed ducks. Great for younger kids, and ducks if you have one. A few baseball diamonds. A paved trail to walk on. Tons of benches and BBQ for you to use. Fairly decent playground. Golf course.
"Nothing much to see really. Good for walking your dog, or to entertain your children. Got golf clubs, bring them."Fuller Park
Casey (AKA - HumanMan42)
Finding alternative uses for the extra space here
br/>This is one of those parks that are kinda random. It is by downtown Napa. It takes up one square block. The playground was recently remade. I think the person who designed it hates kids. Everything I did their hurt. The ground is made of some sort of foam rubber. So when you get on the swings, and you are older than 15, you hit your feet on the ground. If you are going at a high enough pace, you'll break your ankles. Other than that it’s nice their. Nice place, bbq's, benches all over, nice shade.
"This park was awesome until some F**k rag went and designed some new shit. I don't like it. I got hurt. Oh Boo."
Katie
Stupid rubber ground
Skyline
To the best of my memory I have never been hear. But I hear it’s huge. A lot of biking trails. There is a biking tournament held there with some of the best. I think. Also, you might want to try some hill bombing here.
"This park is one of the best kept public secrets. If you're looking for a great day hike, I would really recommend this place. Some of the best views of the valley can be seen from the top. And there are lots of offshoots and smaller trails ranging from an easy 1-2miles to close to 5-10 miles. On a clear day you can see down through Vallejo all the way to San Francisco. The park closes early, around 5, but there is a small school near by I would recommend parking at and then just hiking in. They will tell you that you have to vacate the premise by closing, but no one really cares."
Neil
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
Lodging
I don’t know anything about this subject. But I do know there are tons of places to stay in Napa. Hotels, motels, small, big, fancy, crummy. I would stay in on of the small places near downtown Napa. They are small Victorian houses that you can rent a room at. One of them is called Old World Inn. Looks nice from the outside. It’s on Jefferson. There are tons of Inns and hotels motels to choose from. Take a Risk.
Other great Napa guide
or not so great
or great for not being greator just completely worthless
Now this guide to Napa says it all, sums it all up quite nicely
I read this guide before I joined H2G2. this made me want to join. Made me want to try and out do such brilliance with words.
