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The Art of Efficient Time-wasting

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The total amount of time allowed to live for a human being is fairly limited and therefore should be considered precious. However, wasting it proves to be entertaining, yet addictive. A proportion of people consider it a lifestyle, while other persons consider time wasters as stupid, ignorant slackers. Both views are discussible, but efficiently wasting time remains a complex and underestimated task that demands the highest levels of personal involvement.

How Time Should Be Truly Wasted

In order to consider a certain amount of time as wasted, the primary factor is that no personal, spiritual, social or material is benefited at all. This means that a lot of activities are wrongly regarded as a waste of time. In fact, almost everything you do can be useful one way or another.1

Playing Video Games is often considered useless but it can help you learn another language, sharpen your reflexes, develop logic or manage anger. So if someone plans to seriously waste some time playing video games, he has to carefully choose his software, strategy and amount of playing time. The most potent games are strategy, real-time or not, because they allow the player to entertainingly destroy his own troops, thus dramatically reducing the probability to develop his skills of logic. Simulation games are also great if you download saves and play "wrath of god" with the city, character, theme park or critter someone else lovingly raised.

Artistic Creation can also be useless if properly performed: Carefully copying a bad artist, inventing time-consuming and insignificant creative processes to throw the result away, changing discipline to something else as soon as you make the slightest improvement are the best way to achieve uselessness. Be aware though, that the pursuit for uselessness may be considered as art, but chances are the performer will be considered a genius after his death so no actual gain will be accounted for.

Philosophy and Sociology are both disciplines prone to time wasting for several reasons. The part of the practitioners who are untalented not only waste time themselves, but also generate more time wasters. As a sociologist can only become a sociology teacher, and a philosopher can only generate more philosophy, if they are wrong they spread uselessness better than any other profession. Also, good nihilistic philosophers, by their lack of consideration to the worth of life, can afford to waste it and teach others to do so. In fact, being a nihilist is a plus to anybody who wants to feel right doing nothing with his life. In opposition to the bad artists, bad philosophers can only be considered insignificant during their life and after their death.

The Internet must be used with extreme caution. When surfing on the internet, the time-wasting conscious user must keep in mind to steer away from anything remotely intelligent. Pornography is the content of choice for it bears absolutely no intellectual value. Chatting and sending e-mail jokes can also be considered for they can help somebody else waste his own time.

The Possibilities are Endless as everything, if properly done wrong, can lead to no beneficial output.

Time Wasting Strategies and Mandatory Money Gathering

It is not yet socially acceptable to openly and exclusively waste time for a living. The principal drawback of this inappropriate situation is the lack of money. It is however possible, including a minimum of planning, to reach the goal of 100% time wasting.

Living at Your Parents' Place is the boldest, most difficult way to achieve it. Making up excuses is the main ability to develop quickly. Covering time wasting by pretending to look for a job is a hard and everyday labour. It needs fake paperwork, long walks in town and frequent arguments with parental authorities. Even if it's largely unenjoyable (except for the walk in town part), these mandatory activities are also considered as a time waste, because their only use is to cover for other time waste.

Welfare is the most evident, efficient, comfortable and permanent way to keep up with time wasting business, though some of the abilities mentioned above are also occasionally necessary.

Time Wasting Jobs are legion. And ways to waste time on the job are even more numerous. The secret is to look like some work is done, and that everything is under control. This method is not for the unorganized born-slacker, since it requires a certain knowledge of how to look like working.

The Problem of Motivation

One day or another, any slacker faces the problem of real motivation. Motivation is dangerous because it can lead to actual achievements, or at least temporary usefulness. Coping with motivation is not always easy so in these hard times, a couple of tools are available to counter motivation, or transfer it to time wasting purposes:

  • Alcohol, alcohol abuse and alcoholism can altogether drain motivation, energy and generate the need for more alcohol.

  • Mild drugs and other psychedelic substances2 have the virtue of efficiently distracting their user, or motivating the user to random and ridiculous goals.

  • Friends who are into drugs and/or alcohol are also important to keep up so the slacker doesn't lose track on its objectives.

  • Self-inflicting handicaps is a radical, yet effective way to become useless, and can facilitate access to welfare.

  • Consulting some high school professional advisor can also mislead the motivated into becoming a sociologist or philosopher, so they might be considered.


Beginning a time-wasting lifestyle is not easy, but once somebody is in it, everything goes by itself. As one thing leads to another, time wasters tend to form groups and share their strategies. It is important to get involved in one of these groups as soon as possible. If someone doesn't think wasting his time, and eventually his life, is that great, he can also do the exact contrary to all of the preceding rules.

1No, thinking about naked ladies is not one of them, sadly.2The editors of h2g2, of course, do not condone the use of any illegal drug.

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