h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Merry Christmas, you hard working subbies!

Remember to put out your stocking and if you have been good and returned your batches on time, I will fill it with lots of lovely things!

Ho ho ho!

Hi Santa,

I've been fairly good, I think... well, at least a little less dishonest about the times when I'm bad... which is a bit good at least, isn't it? I've certainly been trying very hard to think of landscape architects and people who steal plants as fellow beings worthy of compassion... which has gotta be worth something, crikey!

I've been wearing my socks on the outside of my boots for several weeks now, so that there will be plenty of room for presents... that's not being greedy, just practical. Honest.

JTG

I've tried... Not been too successful, but I did my best Santa, if that's good enough...

Last time I put my stocking out, all it was filled with was my brother's foot.

Look, if the stockings are presenting that much of a problem, just put out a pillowcase. Just make sure that you're not sleeping on it, or have a pillow in it, or have the cat in it. Some people, problems, problems, problems. Look why don't I just leave gift vouchers? Better still, I could post them. Then I could go down the pub with my mates on Christmas Eve. What do you think? It could be called progress...

You can even email gift vouchers these days, from online stores. Take the laptop down the pub and 'work' from there.

No, no, you're not getting off as easily as that! What kind of world would it be if Santa stopped making house calls? I've had orphans scurrying up and down the chimney for days, getting it nice and clean; and the mincemeat pie fixin's are all lined up, primed, and ready to go. So, come Christmas Eve, I expect to hear some merry grunting coming from the fireplace... or I'll have yet another thing to badger my poor mp about.

JTG