Here is the best way to get good service from a bartender : be nice or get out (of the bar).

Bartenders, on the whole, tend to be an awkward lot. It is of course to the professional cocktail bartender, to the 'mixologist', that this refers, and not to that really rather pleasant girl behind the bar at the Dog and Duck. Bartenders are a rare breed, and good ones are even rarer. Born, not trained. To them the notion of the customer always being right is entirely alien. They are of the same breed as chefs .... only they prepare, create and serve exquisite cocktails and beverages, and not gourmet cuisine. Arrogant, aloof, inherent show-offs and exhibitionists. The creative type. You know the ones, 'Artists'.

When you approach a bar be cool. Respect the bar in the same way you would your desk and computer at work, or your expensive antique coffee table at home. Bartenders are famously defensive of their bars and prone to throwing ice when challenged. When you establish contact with your bartender, be patient, be polite. DonÕt demand. Order your complete round with confidence. If people in your group canÕt make up their minds ask the bartender to recommend something nice (they like a chance to show off you see), or order for them later.

If the bar is quiet and you have a new joke, tell it to your bartender. They will probably return the favour by letting you in on a few of their own.

Fact. Bartenders give preferred service to those customers who tip big. A tip of 10% is normal, but more is always a bonus for the bartender and for you. If your tipping becomes famous, youÕll have the bartenders warring over you, just to have you come to their particular station so that they can serve you. When your evening comes to an end, leave a good tip and make sure to thank your chosen bartender by name. They will remember you when next you return.

If you follow this simple advice you will have a more pleasant drinking experience and be able to enjoy the world of cocktail culture without being served revolting drinks; being deliberately kept waiting ; having bartenders maliciously ignore you or refuse to serve you at all; having to dodge ice and so forth. You will instead be promoted to the status of 'regular'. Your mere appearance at the bar should be enough to trigger their memories and have your drinks sliding along the bar top towards you as they continue to serve a dozen or so other customers.

The best way to irritate a bartender : start drumming your fingers or tapping coins on the bar counter, or worse, attempt to flag them down by waving small green pieces of paper in their face. It really cuts no mustard with them. TheyÕll just keep you waiting there, looking slightly foolish.

On no account (and this is an important one), argue with a bartender if you know what's good for you. The law is on their side and you've probably been drinking...

The edited version of this entry can be found here. Beware imitations!