"Downeast" Maine, USA

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The vast country of the United States of America is simply overflowing with peoples, beliefs, cultures and subcultures. From the "Confederate South" to the "Maine Yankee" the subcultures distinctive to the United States make it quite the interesting nation to explore.

The "Downeast" portion of the State of Maine, is located on the Atlantic coast, at the prominent bulge on the state's eastern edge. To travel to the Downeast region, it is helpful to keep a few guidelines in mind when dealing with the native population.

First, on Tourism.

Showing that you are a tourist, is showing a sign of weakness. The people of Downeast Maine will be quite friendly to you, as long as they expect that they (Or close family) will in some way profit from your abuse of the expensive (But often poor) roadway system in the rural parts of Downeast Maine. However, as families are highly extended, and geneology such a highly practiced hobby, it will not be difficult to act as though some family member of anyone you meet, will profit from your presence. Be that as it may, it is best for the traveller to minimize the appearance of being tourists. If however you do find yourself in the mood to travel to this peculiar region, the city of Calais will probably become interesting by the summer of 2003 as it is building a "Heritage Center" for the Quincentennial anniversary of the settlement of the area in 2004. Current attractions to the area would include whale watching tours from the city of Eastport, where more likely than not you will see dolphins rather than whales, and the city of Lubec, easternmost point in the continental United States. Other than these activities, there is little to do in Downeast Maine other than travel to Eastern Maine or Atlantic Canada.

Second, on Product Placement.

Do not wear hats, t-shirts, or other memorabilia showing the name of the state of Maine, unless said apparel looks heavily used and slightly abused. Locals do wear such things, but invariably, they must be worn almost threadbare. However, the purchase of such things is encouraged, when you are confronted with them, as this adds to the appearance that someone local is making money from your presence.

Third, on Driving.

Be aware that Moose have the right of way on Maine roads. A Moose collision at 45 miles per hour will destroy your new SUV. Warning whistles that attach to your vehicle are common at any auto parts store in the region, to help minimize vehicle-moose impact chances. The drivers of Maine tend to exceed speed limits by approximately ten miles per hour, though in Downeast Maine, this is an exceptionally dangerous practice with twisting roads and regular speed traps. Route 9 from Bangor to Calais is perpetually under construction, and speed traps abound. The more scenic Route 1 along the coast, has fewer speed traps, but takes a great deal more time to traverse, and is sparsely littered with tourist traps instead.

A note. Do not attempt to speed on route 190 to Eastport from Perry. Most specifically, at the 35MPH zone passing through Sipayik, which is also known as the Pleasant Point Reservation. Set your cruise control for 35, or 34. This small reservation town, is the most notorious speedtrap location in the state. The sign warning 'Strictly Enforced' means it.

The natives do not use turn signals. Only use your turn signal if you are not attempting full-blown undercover tourism, keeping in mind that license plates from states other than Maine will give instant opinions of yourself and your family, to the natives. Some of these opinions are listed below in order to provide the traveler with the ability to prepare.

Massachussetts: Brash, rude, snobbish and wealthy. Cars with license plates from this state are often considered the worst drivers on the roads, and police will attempt to find reasons to stop you.

Florida: Old, possibly a native Downeaster coming back to visit family. If your vehicle has Florida plates and is not a large American sedan or minivan, you will confuse the locals.

New Hampshire: Just like Mainers, but lost. If a vehicle with New Hampshire plates is seen in Downeast Maine, it is expected that this is only as a stopping point between New Hampshire, and someplace in Atlantic Canada.

New York: A curious hybrid of Massachussetts and Florida, a brash and irritating driver, with family connections to Downeast Maine.

California: Freakishly different, with serious concerns about your sanity, seeing that half the population of Downeast Maine desires to live in California instead, where the other half wishes nothing to do with it at all.

Texas: It is assumed that you will be carrying a gun. Which is not out of the ordinary, as locals tend to own at least one rifle per household in Downeast Maine. The similiarities between Texas and Maine when it comes to tourism, suggest some kind of ethereal link between the two states.

Fourth, on Dining.

In Downeast Maine, it is surprising that many 'ethnic' restaurants, not commonly associated with the region, indeed do provide excellent, if expensive, fare. Chinese and Mexican restaurants do exist, and are operated by surprisingly skilled families. However, the mainstay of tourists in Downeast Maine, is the green shelled crustacean known as lobster. The locals rarely can afford lobster, though many long-time residents have grown weary of it, as it once was inexpensive. The city of Machias is home to several restaraunts of varying quality, but a restaraunt known as "Helen's" is arguably the best greasy spoon in the region. A common stopover for regional bus traffic, Helen's is an excellent place to break up the monotony with a Whoopie Pie. In the city of Calais, there are restaraunts ranging from the "old person smell" of the Wickachee, to the rather fancy Bernardini's italian restaraunt. If you find yourself with a fancy for Chinese, the King China restaraunt in downtown Calais has long been this researcher's favorite.

Fifth, on Lobster.

Lobster is the hallmark food of Downeast Maine, challenged only by fish chowder and steamed clams. A lobster only attains the trademark red coloration after boiling, but is naturally a greenish brown. Purchasing lobster is a task best performed near a wharf or pier or off the back of the many trucks advertising fresh seafood, that can be seen at many 'major' interchanges during the summer tourism months. The prices are fair, and almost universally, the lobster and other seafood is higher quality than that found in grocery chains. Usually the food is merely a day of age.

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