Flotsam, jetsam, lagan and the stuff that washes up on the beach

In my bedroom hangs a beautiful mobile which was crafted by my niece. It is made from Pelican Feet shells and pieces of sea glass, which catch the afternoon sun shining through the window.

These items are from British beaches and it was whilst walking along my Australian beach earlier in the week that I pondered on the dearth of flotsam and jetsam here – and certainly no sea glass.

In fact the beach is 99.99% sand and some exposed bedrock, with only the lightest scattering of wave-rolled and surf-smoothed pebbles and chunks of coral. Broken shells and the occasional coconut husk, pandanus seed and shark's egg make up the rest of the detritus.

There is rarely anything of human origin washed up: a lemon, a milk crate and a piece of yellow plastic are the sum total of sightings in the past few months.

Around Cooktown we used to pick up a fair amount of boat-related stuff on the beaches, such as fragments of nets, buckets, buoys and rotting planks of wood. North Shore was renowned for being a good hunting ground for seaborne treasures, including wetsuits and oxygen tanks one memorable week in 1998.

I'm struggling to work out why there is such a difference here: after all, south east Queensland is a lot more populous than the north - on and off the water.

Presumably it's something to do with currents and prevailing wind... and the volume of shipping between the direction of both and the beach.

I then started pondering on the oddness of the words flotsam and jetsam (and why is it never jetsam and flotsam?) and dived into the giant dictionary. I was surprised to discover their true meanings.

Flotsam is 'Such part of the wreckage of a ship or its cargo as is found floating on the surface of the sea' and was first recorded in 1607.

Jetsam is 'Goods thrown overboard from a ship in distress in order to lighten the vessel (and afterwards washed ashore)', first recorded in 1570 and derived from jettison.

Further to the definitions, I discovered that flotsam floats, jetsam may float or sink, and lagan – a word which seems to have fallen out of use – describes 'Goods or wreckage lying on the bed of the sea', first recorded in 1531.

Therefore, strictly speaking I'm probably not going to find jetsam on our beaches. And if flotsam is on the surface of the sea it can't be on the beach, nor can lagan because it's on the sea bed.

So what is the stuff that washes up, that isn't thrown overboard from a distressed ship?

This week's challenge is to come up with a name for the nets, buoys, bits of wood, bottles, sea glass, plastic containers, general rubbish and occasional treasure that we find on beaches across the world.

Think along the lines of Lewis Carroll's wonderful word creation in Jabberwocky. Between us, we must be able to come up with some vivid descriptive words for beach detritus.

I'll report back on the literary inventiveness of the Witterati – and a prize will go to the creator of the words which best describe the junk that washes up on the sand.

Beach walking is far preferable to gym sessions at this time of year and one of the joys of self-employment is being able to shut down the computer and turn my back on the office whenever I feel the urge.

Even on days when dogs are in shorter supply than usual, I find the walk along a couple of kilometres of beach an uplifting and soothing process. A combination of wind in my hair, water round my feet, wide empty space, huge blue sky and friendly passers-by never fail to lift my spirits, whatever my mood.

With light south-easterly winds, daytime temperatures in the low- to mid-20s and the sun shining down from dawn to dusk, the climate is perfect for striding through the surf.

Another aid to relaxation at the end the working day is to listen to The Archers on BBC Radio 4.

It is exciting stuff in itself (yes, yes, I'm sad). However, added to the Ambridge-related anticipation is the intangible snippet of news that I hear immediately prior to each episode.

Consequently I have a very warped view of what is going on in Britain these days. My imagination runs riot... until quelled by the latest exciting events from Home Farm.

Disembodied fragments of recent news have included:

And most memorably:

I can't top that.

Witters from Down Under Archive

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